{head for the clouds} -Moss baby-

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head for the heart, does it break
words may fall, the body remains
and every map is blank
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It was eleven at night. A tall, redheaded form in a loose-fitting pair of jeans and slippers stood beside a shelf in a toy store. She was pale and skinny save for her belly, which ballooned out beneath her loose black peacoat, a necessary garment for the brisk, windy night in early March. Her hair was pulled back in a messy bun, something she very, very rarely did, and there wasn't a trace of makeup on her freckled face. The toy store had actually closed an hour and a half before, but security had reluctantly made a special pardon when they'd noticed a disheveled, pregnant victor banging on the door with a frantic look in her eyes. Twenty minutes, they'd said. Twenty minutes, and then they'd kick her out. Topaz Ross or not.

When the media had found out, they'd gone crazy. She'd meant to keep the news to herself for a little longer, but it was a futile attempt; one little slip, one absentminded hand on her stomach during a mentor interview back in late summer a few weeks after Opal had returned victorious to District One, and rumors had spread like wildfire. She'd wanted to let them talk, but Kaiser had insisted that it would be better to make the truth known immediately because if not, the rumors would get worse—that the baby didn't belong to Maverick, and that's why she was so determined to keep it a secret. So she'd scheduled an impromptu interview to inform the world that their long-beloved victor was indeed pregnant, and the truth was out. It was all over the headlines—there'd been a recent victor baby boom, what with Lethe's Eden and Mace and Ara's Kieran a few years before, and then Klaus's adoptee, Daisy, and the baby Arbor had randomly found on his stoop just a few months previous. Naturally, the nation was going nuts.

She'd snuck out of the house that night; Maverick would never have let her leave if she'd mentioned it to him. What brought her here, she didn't know—she felt so out of place among the aisles and aisles of playthings meant for the privileged children of the district, toys and games she hadn't seen since she was young herself. How am I going to be a mother? How am I going to raise a child? Why is this happening to me? I can't even handle looking after myself. But her feet had taken her here, taken her to the one place she thought maybe, just maybe, she might feel some connection to the being growing inside of her. Except after staring blankly at the shelves, she realized just how alien it still was. Squeezing her eyes shut for a moment, she reached out and felt her fingers close around the soft fur of a small brown teddy bear. She grabbed it and clutched it tight to her chest, trying hard to make herself breathe normally again and fight off the tear that was threatening to spill onto her cheeks. For a moment she stood there, holding the bear and letting out shuddering breaths, until finally the security guard came and insisted she get her ass out of the store or he'd be fired. Slapping a couple of bills on the first register she saw, Topaz ran outside with the teddy bear still clenched in her grasp.

It had begun to rain, cold, wet drops that served as good camouflage for the tears that began to slowly trickle down the champion's face as she began the mile walk back to hers and Maverick's mansion in Victor's Village. She'd been stupid to go to the toy store—it had only made the impending horror even more real. For the past eight months, she'd been trying so hard to pretend it wasn't happening; at first, she'd even refused to see the doctor. She didn't want to know anything about this baby that would soon take over her life. But at Maverick's insistence—he was really so thrilled by this entire thing, which broke her heart—she'd gone to get the checkups, but insisted the doctors tell her nothing, show her nothing unless there was a dire emergency and something had gone horribly wrong. She didn't want to see any ultrasounds nor learn her baby's gender; just like the toy store, it made everything far too real. But now, reality was this close to slapping her in the face—her due date had been two days previous. Now it was all just a waiting game.

She'd endured a scolding from Maverick when she'd returned home, but he'd let her retreat beneath the covers of their bed without extended fuss, likely because he saw how awful she looked. All she needed right that moment was sleep; it was all too much to bear, and her mind was on overdrive. Any day now. Any day. Tope clutched the teddy bear as he put his arms around her swollen belly, and let him murmur words of comfort to her as she drifted to sleep. It was comforting, to be in his arms. Safe. Just the two of them, with nothing in between. No obligations. Things had changed so much already; why did they have to change even more?

"Maverick… Maverick!"

Topaz woke screaming her husband's name as a splitting pain sliced across her abdomen and for a scary couple of seconds, she could not form a breath. The pain was so much, so strong, that she immediately flashed back to the arena, feeling wolves and blades and fire tear at her skin, and wondered how she could have ever called that agony because this, this was so much worse. She curled up into a ball and let herself cry—twice in one night, potentially a new record—as Maverick called the people he needed to call that could get them into the hospital at three o'clock in the morning without fanfare, without a following of media. She tried to hang on as the stabs of pain racked through her, but finally it was all too much—Topaz Ross the strong, the brave, the victor, couldn't handle it anymore. She blacked out.

"She's coming to, isn't she? I see her eyelids flickering."

She awoke in a hospital bed, doctors and nurses above her and a worried-looking Maverick clutching her hand. She prayed that the baby was out already, but another slicing pain proved that this was not the case. "Get me drugs," she croaked at her husband, despite the fact that there were plenty of medical professionals around to whom she could have directed her command. She assumed they listened, though, because within a few minutes the pain had ebbed some. "How long was I out?" she asked, her voice barely more than a whisper. "Only about an hour," one of the doctors responded. "But you're lucky. This will be short. Any minute now."

Topaz tried not to listen to the doctors, as certifiably the worst experience of her life ensued. She was nearly pledging abstinence by the time the doctor announced that her baby was crowning, and suddenly there was a shrieking so loud it nearly split her eardrums. There were a few minutes of relief, but rather than watch the doctors clean off the squirming bundle that she had just brought into the world she turned her head and squeezed her eyes shut, trying to catch her breath. "A girl," the doctor announced, but before she could process the fact that she now had a daughter there was another wave of pain and Tope's eyes widened in horror as she realized what was happening. No. No, it couldn't be. It wasn't possible. Why didn't you tell me—" she growled accusingly at an obstetrician she vaguely recognized when it was all over and there was another squirming bundle in a different doctor's arms. He looked at her guiltily, and she stared daggers. "There were two?"