get me through this {nightmare} :: argos, day 4

The night was filled with a darkness that wasn't the obvious black of the night's sky.

No faces filled the void after the music of the anthem, no nameless people in my mind joined the ranks of the dead, no one else had been sacrificed in order for me to survive, and that in itself was scary. How soon would it be until the Gamemakers forced more than just a silly three-headed dog on us who barely even gave us any cuts or bruises. They were going to get more creative that was for sure - for no more stupid Argonauts would be opening boxes in hope for something good and end up with an ash covered face for the afternoon. No, we weren't that stupid any more. Any more. Perhaps that was only a sign for things to come, that box. Perhaps it was finally teaching what I'd tried to avoid for so long. Even though something looks nice, acts nice, tries to be your friend, sooner or later it would explode in your face. And that's what this entire arena was about. Sure, you could make some friends for the first time (for the very first time) and then parade around with them, pretending you were the very best.

But what then?

The rifts between the alliance were already pushing them apart. The Argonauts were no longer simply the Argonauts so much as Kiera and Wes, and Aria and myself. Yesterday's fight was only a sign that the things to come couldn't be pleasant - not at all. No matter how much we talk around the campfire and sneak smirks at each other as we laugh at stories from our lives, no matter how much we cry together as we figure, maybe life wasn't the greatest before and it sure isn't now. It was only the day before that Aria had fallen to her knees and asked for help because she couldn't do this all by herself none of us could. And perhaps that was the scariest thought of all. How many more alliances were out there that had four different people? That couldn't last long with fourteen kids left in this arena. Sooner or later they would have to murder each other after the bonding they'd had. And with a career pack that only promised to be sooner, no matter how much I cared for the three of them.

That night, I stayed up to watch the stars and to watch the horizons. The rushing waters of the river only reminded me of the first night of the arena, about imperfections, about watching Aria to see if she would leave because I didn't trust her to stay, even though I begged and pleaded. It'd only been two days since those events, and yet, it seemed so much longer than that as I watched the stars. Even the dirt below didn't feel quite as normal as it did before, a bit more squishy, as if a soft Capitol bed, but this place wasn't the city of lights, that was for sure. This was an arena. Plain and simple, the stars seemed to spin a little more that night, as if they all wanted to be seen before the sunlight washed them away with the night.

How much had changed?

The soft bed below him was getting softer, softer, and the sky was spinning faster, faster they'd only been in the underworld for one night, was it possible that the entire arena had changed so quickly, swiftly, without any notice to the caverns below. When did the trees start bending themselves closer? Nearly snapping at the trunk as if a magnet were attached to my body, slowly pulling them in. The extra shade and protection was comforting, perhaps tonight they wouldn't need a watch, wouldn't need somebody to look at the spinning stars wow they're spinning so fast now, how is one supposed to count the constellations like this. Little girl, little girl, where are you now, the world's spinning fast and I'm not quite sure how. Little Libertine, Little Libertine, cover your eyes, you might fall right down under the sky's demise. How quickly could one fall asleep under the spinning stars and the bed beneath, it was almost as if sleep were something - necessary. Not tonight, not tonight, tonight perhaps I'd sleep under the stars with the trees for protection.

How quickly the world turned to black - the god of sleep laughing at their very mentions of being gods - they were mere mortals. His chilling laugh bringing ice to my spine as it trickled down and left me paralysed, left in an eternal state of sleep, it was Kiera Dempsey's screams that greeted me into a world of night terrors and monsters. How convenient, the cousin of a monster led me down.

The stars that night shined so bright, citrine jewels trickled like stars in the night sky, no longer did stars guide the way in a world made of gems, in a world made of gemstones. The world was perfect. The citrine yellow of the stars blended in so nicely with the dark onyx stones that plagues the rest of the sky, I never knew night to be so beautiful. The stones shimmering, dazzling every step across the soft grass emeralds with giant prehnite stones forming rocks along the way. The sharp edges of the stones were piercing my sandals, perhaps a little bit too much, but I never felt the blood trickle down my feet. The world was too dazzling for that. It wasn't long before I walked over hill of dark green mugglestone only to find the giant moonstone filling up with the sky, it's beauty was nothing to be compared to. In a world made of stones - the world was so pretty. Trickle I felt it slowly, the blood seeping out of my feet, the blood trickling down the emerald, and mugglestone greens, dying them slowly into deep garnet stones.

It was then a cackle burst out of the sky. "You think you're doing so good don't you?" The laughs came from everywhere, as if the thick air had sprouted lips from a thousand places. Large lips, screaming, cackling, louder, louder, louder, louder. You think you're doing so good don't you? It repeats, it repeats, it repeats. "Don't worry, little boy, little boy" Little boy, I was nothing but a little boy. "Don't worry, little boy soon enough you'll join your father in his grave" Little boy, little boy, where are you now? The laughter was deafening, chants, chanting, all the mouths at once chanting "Little boy, little boy, little boy, little boy!" It was defeaning, my ears felt like they were close to exploding. Little Girl, Little Girl, where are you now? The Little Boy needs your help, and you're nowhere to be found. Where's our God and Goddess, have they run away? Oh Little Girl, Little Girl please help me stay. "Little boy, little boy, little boy, little boy."

"Stop!" The mouths stop instantly, without a second command, they stop their chanting but resume their snickering. With Selenite in hand, I strike, they wouldn't snicker at eleven, I was no longer a Little Boy, Little Boy's don't kill, or get eleven's or threaten people to death. Little Boy's live.

How long had they been laughing now? All my life.

The mouths chuckle out insult after insult, screaming at me and calling names that I hadn't heard since I was younger. Their chapped lips moving through the air so gracefully, toying and playing with me as if I was finally the prey to this deadly game. No longer was I a strong argonaut, built up strong and unstoppable like the days leading to this point. We were not the men of myth and legend, we were simply children running through an endless forest decorated elaborately in jewels and blood. Where had the days gone? One was the bloodbath slaying the boy with the harpoon from District 4, him crumbling underneath the sheer force of a glaive, new to my hands. One was the day that passed by ever so slowly, the day in which eight cannons ran their mouths and eight girls and boys kissed away their loved ones that remained in the arena, their friends. One was the day I bid farewell to a fellow soldier, said hello to a new friend one was my district, one was a victor, one was the number of people who would escape the nightmare running through our minds and tread lightly down the streets, looking over shoulders and crying at the slightest noise in the dark. One was the day I was told I am imperfect, and I accepted it as fact.

Where had the days gone? It had been years, years since I'd been called names and bullied down. The little boy treading lightly up and down the stairs in hopes of avoiding conversations his parents about why he had a black eye again and was limping with a grimace on each step. It had been years since that little boy walked into a gym and stared at the weapons in amazement and worry as children around him carefully sliced dummies alive as quickly as they could in order to prove that they were worthy of some sort of praise. It'd only been days since that little boy had grown up and done the same in the training centre to scare off the other little boys and girls into thinking they were as good as dead, and at this point, they were, most of them. It had been years since that little boy picked up his first spear and stabbed it right through the felt heart of a dummy who didn't know any better than to live it's life being stabbed and sliced, and yet that dummy was lucky, it didn't feel anything. It'd been years since that little boy had come home crying after falling and being kicked in the gut to the point where dark ruby red liquid trickled down his nose, and scratches lined his arms and legs, and his mental state had been ready to give up and throw itself over a cliff. It'd been years since I, Peridot Myler, had been bullied in the slightest, so why was it happening now?

Little boy, little boy, it's time to give up now, sing yourself to sleep and take one last little bow. Chuckle, chuckle, chuckle, dancing about through the air as if they were nothing but the sky itself. Since when did the sky itself want to bring itself down on the little boy. How soon would it be until the sky fell down on them, the argonauts, and crushed them down before they could take their last and final strike against the world. It was Atlas who was supposed to hold up the sky, not me. I was a little boy, a little boy who wasn't supposed to be bullied any more, training was supposed to stop that all right in it's tracks before it happened again. Training meant being a career, being a career meant commanding and demanding respect, but the mouths wouldn't stop laughing, wouldn't stop cackling, oh what a joke the Capitol must be making of my now. Little Peridot Myler can't walk away from his past, Little Peri too in love with his jewels, too scared to lash back, too fragile to realize that he was truly going to lose and die. Little Boy, Little Boy, how foolish you are. With the swing of my glaive, I launch myself forward towards the mouth in front of my, "SHUT YOUR MOUTH." Stopstopstopstopstopstop. An arm lobs right off the mouth, an arm, an arm. Were they invisible men? Invisible tormentors who only showed their giant lips and let them dig deeper than any sword or any look could do. An arm, right in front of me, an arm, an arm, an arm.

Where is your mind at, Little Boy? Where did you go? Little Boy, Little Boy, you can't get rid of us, no. Remember the days when everything ran in a strict linear progression, every though passing through like a line, like a train going straight from point A to point B, not fragmented, chopped up in non-sensible ways. Where did you go in pieces? When did I fall to pieces, when did my world stop making sense and start falling to pieces arm by arm? Where have you been Little Boy? Are you in pieces like you are now? Where are you going Little Boy? Where have you been? Where did you go? They don't understand how the world works, do they? They don't understand the voices saying, jump, swallow, fade fade f a d e into existence. Little boy, you think you belong but no. I don't belong here, I don't belong on this earth with the constant sunlight, with the constant bellowing of wind, with friends, with friends that I would have to kill. Never have you ever, never have you ever, never will you belong Little Boy, lose yourself to the Siren's Call, Little Boy.

Where is your mind at? "I don't know. I don't know. I don't know." The world was twisting and the soft sound of bells rang in his ears, was this the Siren's Call? Was this the time to let go into nothing? Let yourself go Little Boy. Let myself go, and fall to the constant nagging of the mouths. Goodnight, goodnight, Little Boy.

Blade to cheek, a shallow pain throbs across my face. The red trickling down my face, a tear like drop slowly slipping down, bunching at the corner of my chapped mouth before falling to the ground below. I couldn't even hurt myself correctly. Give in Little Boy, give in when you learn how. Give in when you learn how to take the last step before the peak of a cliff, give in when you learn to line your glaive to your throat and slice it straight across without a second thought. Little Boy, you're supposed to be a career, so line your blade straight and let it loose on the world. Let yourself go to the Siren's Call. Let it loose, Little Boy.

Come out of your shell, Little Boy, it's so dark inside, come to the light where we all lay to rest. All lay to rest. The mouths were slowly dissolving back into the sky, one by one, as if they were never there at all, disappearing back into the skies in which they'd come, going back to the place where they'd all laid to rest. The laughing was no longer piercing and blood-curdling, perhaps for once a clear thought could pass through my mind, bring me back down to the ground where I lay amongst the jewels, feet still bleeding, bleeding, bleeding. The green emerald stones were still being dyed with the dark red garnets, and soon enough I would fill this hill with those ruby's. A hill made of red, a hill made of blood, and strife, a hill made of sacrifice, laughter, a hill made out of a Little Boy. The Little Boy hill. The hill in which I would lay to rest perhaps, was this the cliff I would take that last step on before I fell to the bottom, making the ground ruby red as well. A city of red, a city of Peridot Myler.

Little Boy, Little Boy, Little Girl, Little Girl, Goddess, Goddess, God, God. Little Boy, Little Boy, where are they now? Where were they? Where was Aria, the Little Girl with whom he'd promised to see die, was she laying dead without my promise coming through? The remaining mouths cackled once more, how foolish I must be in order for them to laugh at me so, how foolish I must be. Screams, screams, screams, the whole hill on which I stood a top of starting shaking, the gems clacking together clicking, clicking, clicking, the scream getting louder, louder, louder, the scream of a little girl. "Aria!" Aria! aria. Where was she? Go find her now Little Boy, you don't want her to die without you by her side. "Aria!" Running, feet pounding down the sharp hill, blood, red, pain, screams, aria, pain, run, kiera, wes, atlas, little girl, little girl, pain, pain, run. "Aria!" The incessant cackling was getting louder and louder, filling up every bit of air, blocking out every other sound, no longer being able to even hear the sound of grunting and the breath that no longer existed in my body.

The screams stopped.

She's gone Little Boy, give in to the Siren's Call? No, she wasn't gone, no, she wasn't gone. "Little Girl!" Give in to the Siren's Call, she's gone Little Boy. Where were they all? Had they all given up on him? Left him alone in a constant forest made of the gems that I'd loved, left all alone to die amongst the loves of my life with no friends by my side. Die as you lived, Little Boy, die as you lived. Fine.

i said i wasn't going to filler again
but yolo
cause i can and stuff
woops