But Still I Ran (PG-13) [tori & marisa]

Callidos Mason
eighteen . single . district 1

speech: #E05260 // normal: #99333D // thoughts: #CC6670

Jealousy was an emotion unfamiliar to Callidos. To be honest, a lot of emotions that he was beginning to feel were unfamiliar, but this one was what had started it all. Jealousy. That little sting he felt in his heart, and the pulsing he felt in his brain when he knew he was angry. Worst of all was the hurt that somehow felt like physical pain. Jealousy. He hated the word. Callidos had never been jealous before. He could do whatever he wanted, be whomever and have anyone he wanted. And that was how it had always been. But then he did he only spend time with Jerica, want to be with Jerrica and want to be the person Jerica wanted. This was not what he had planned on happening.

It had been last night. There was no food in the house and Callidos was too lazy to buy any, so he just went out to eat. Dinner had been fine, but it didn't taste as good coming back up. He had left the restaurant with a full stomach and take-out box of leftovers. When he turned the corner, he was not prepared to see Jerica pushed up against a brick wall in the shadows. Some slimeball that looked to be about fifty pressed against her, and a hand somewhere it shouldn't be. The boy had stood there and watched for a moment and when he couldn't take it, he turned back and made a left. As soon as he was out of sight, dinner came back up.

At the time he didn't know what he was feeling. He was angry, enraged and felt like crying. It seemed unreasonable. Callidos knew the Jerica slept around; it was who she was. That was who she had always been. So, why was that any different? He'd never actually seen Jerica with another person. Man, woman or peacekeeper. Only him. And now to think that she wasn't his, it was a blow he hadn't expected. One he never expected. He didn't like it and the thought kept him up all the previous night and today.

Fucking Jerica. He had thrown on a pair of shorts over his boxer breifs, slipped his sockless feet into his sneakers and was out the door in record time. There was no way he was going to sleep tonight and another sleepless night just wouldn't do. Callidos ran all the way to Jerica, the wind against his bare chest keeping him from sweating. When he arrived, he was angrier than ever. He just wanted to scream at her and yell and he didn't understand why. His fist slammed againt the door twice and he waited for it to open. Damn it, Jerica. When there was no response, he pounded harder and faster.

Her spare key was where it always was and he grabbed it and unlocked the front door. You should hide your stupid key if you want to keep people out. He pulled it out of the handle and stuck it in the pocket of his shorts. The door squeaked as it opened and he slammed it shutting, having eyes only for Jerica's bedroom door. It was already open so he charged in, ready to unleash everything he was feeling.

"Jerica!" His voice rang out angry and cold as he stepped into her room. It took a minute for him to process the scene in front or him. Jerica was laying on her bed, cuddling a pillow and crying. Not pretty crying like he ad seen some girls do, but full out sobs. Callidos didn't remember why his was angry; he suddenly felt numb. Jerica didn't cry. His legs wouldn't move. He just watched. She looked so helpless, so vunerable. That wasn't who she was. And worst off, he hurt too. Callidos felt pain as he watched her cry.

Without truely understanding his motives, he walked over to her bed and sat by her, against the wall. He pulled her into him arms and cradled her, just resting his head on hers as she continued to cry. "Jerica." This is time he whispered. His voice was unfamiliar to him. It sounded sincere, worried. The rest of his words caught in his throat. Jealousy. It meant you had feelings for someone, right? Fuck.

~~~~~

Callidos Mason
eighteen . single . district 1

speech: #E05260 // normal: #99333D // thoughts: #CC6670

It was hard to comfort Jerica when he didn't know what was wrong. Hell, it was hard to comfort anyone at all. This was competely out of character for him. And now as she cried on him, she was soaking his chest. Callidos gritted his teeth. He couldn't let her go if he had wanted to. She was sort of clinging to him too. And in a completely strange way, it was nice. They had a bond. All his life Callidos had seen it as something else. She was the girl he had sex with and the girl he would train with and the girl who was a victor's child as well. But there was more to them than that.

They always been there for one another, may not in such a vunerable state as this one, but they had still been there. Callidos could be nothing but himself around Jerica and for some reason she still sticked around. He put up with her coming over at odd hours of the night with strange requests. Sometimes she would come over and just eat his food. They had always been perfectly honest with each other and she was the only person in his life that he could enjoy spending time with. She was his Jerica. And he had been mad that she's was so many other men's Jerica too.

Her head was buried in his chest, but he her her mumble something. He could feel her body tightening and then suddenly she was hitting his chest softly as she blamed herself. Callidos stiffened. He was not used to seeing Jerica like this ever. It almost scared him. What the hell broke her down like this? The punches suddenly rained done harder and he had to tighten his chest to withstand the blows. Jerica was a career after all, and on top of it she was now pissed. With each punch she blamed him now. She said he was his fault she was like this? Oh. What is this new feeling? Guilt.

She collasped back into his chest as if the energy it took to hit and scream at him exhausted her. A memory of his mother holding him when he was five flashed through his mind. Callidos tried to mimic the rocking motion that he had thought so soothing at that age. With his left hand, he pushed some of the hair away from Jerica's face as she cried onn his chest. So pathetic. He felt so... so... helpless as to what to do. The numbness he normally felt was replaced with sadness, guilt, anger and worst of all, love. No, not love. Anything but love.

He pulled his head in, close to Jerica's and continued the rocking. His chest still stung. "What did I fuck up now?" he whispered. The words didn't come out rough, they were as caring as he could manage. Callidos kissed Jerica on the forehead and then returned his head to leaning on hers. There wasn't much he could say if he didn't know the problem.

~~~~~

Callidos Mason
eighteen . single . district 1

speech: #E05260 // normal: #99333D // thoughts: #CC6670

More emotions. Callidos wasn't sure how much more of this he could handle. He hated surprises. And he was hating what he was feeling even more. Jerica's words seem to take years to process. She had only just stopped crying into his chest and now she was telling him that she was... that she was... pregnant. Shit. This really was his fault, wasn't it?

Callidos wasn't aware of what expression was on his face right now. He was only paying attention to what was going through his mind. He remember the incident. One single slip up was all it had taken. Just one careless mistake. He remember the day. What they had said to each other; what they had done. Oh, he remembered. His brain what racing suddenly thinking of the possible scenarios he could end up in. Half of them involved Jerica. Half of them didn't, but he didn't even consider those. They could get rid of it. Right here in now. She could keep it, but who knew how that would happen. There was adoption. Send it to the community home. Dump it. Which was the best decision for it, for them. For her.

It scared him that his mind wasn't working like it normally was. He couldn't think straight. Callidos usually had the ability to plan ahead. His IQ allowed him to think steps in advance and strategize. But not now. He didn't even look at Jerica before he pushed her off his lap and stood up. His fingers were pulling his hair out as he tried to think of solutions. How was he ever going to tell her what he came her to? What had the done? How the hell are we going to fix this? He was pacing back and forth before he realized it and he was getting angrier by the second, but he wasn't entirely sure why. "I don't-" He couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence.

It took several more minutes before he was finally able to stop pacing and stare at Jerica. Maybe it isn't even mine. He realized he'd just spent all this time thinking about how they would get through this together and now the kid might not even be his. I saw that man with his hand up her skirt. Who knew who else she'd slept wit without protection. Whore. Callidos was angry now. Every time he looked at her he got more and more disgusted. What if it is mine?

"Well." He finally managed to choke out words as he tried to keep his temper under control. "How did this happen exactly? I suppose it wasn't hard though with you fucking anything that moves. I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner." Callidos was never much of a talker, but boy when he found a reason to speak. "What are you going to do now? Kill it?" But if it wasn't is kid, why had she said it was his fault? She wouldn't blame him otherwise would she? Maybe it was his kid.

Before he know it, Callidos was on his knees at the edge of the bed and grabbing Jerica's hand. He didn't feel angry anymore, just desperate. "Damn it, Jerica. What the hell have you done to me." The words were aloud instead of in his head like he had planned them to be. That was meant to be a private though. "Who's the father, Jerica?"

~~~~~

Callidos Mason
eighteen . single . district 1

speech: #E05260 // normal: #99333D // thoughts: #CC6670

The kid is mine. Callidos wasn't sure how he felt. Shocked. Relieved. Guilty. Happy? There was a part of him that wanted to hug Jerica and think about a future together, but he stopped himself from doing so. He was only eighteen. The kid is mine. His eyes found their way to Jerica's stomach in the dimly lit room. Somewhere in there... Callidos brought his head close to Jerica's stomach as she mumbled her apologies, listening for a heartbeat or some sign that there was a baby in there. Or that the baby was his. Nothing happened and he pulled his head away. Jerica's words came back. I didn't mean to do this to you. She thought he'd been talking about the kid instead of his feelings for her and the way she had mangled his heart and mind.

Another glance at her stomach. His mind when to a different world entirely by itself. Callidos was thinking of the baby. What was is? A girl? A boy? Would it look anything like him? What if it did? Or what if it was a beautiful baby girl that look just like her mother? One that he could cuddle and hold and love. Love. There was the word again. But Callidos was mean. He was cold. He was not father material. He was not lover material. This was not for him. It wasn't something he could do, something he could handle. Callidos needed to get out. He needed to run. Anything but this. There was no way he could stay here with this guilt. Her stomach would be a constant reminder of feeling he didn't want to feel.

And then he looked into Jerica's eyes. Shit He redirected his gaze to her hands that he was clutching. "I wasn't- " Inhale. Exhale. "I wasn't talking about the kid when I asked what you did to me. Hell, I- I didn't even mean to say that out loud. Don't be sorry, okay. I'm sorry." Why was his voice getting harsher? He hadn't meant to get upset over this. "I'm sorry I knocked you up, okay?" Callidos forced himself to swallow the rest of his words. The ones about how he felt. Maybe there'd be another time to tell her.

"I don't want to go to the doctor's with you, Jerica. You know I hate that place. Just..." Just what? Kill it on your own time? Keep it and we'll raise it together? Let's both be sentimental and emotional wrecks like this forever? "Just think about it for a while longer. This decision doesn't just involve you anymore. It involves all of us. We just need to figure out the best option, okay?" Callidos switched positions. He took a seat next to Jerica on her bed, one hand still holding hers. The kid is mine.

ooc: short post is short, sorry.

~~~~~

Callidos Mason
eighteen . single . district 1

speech: #E05260 // normal: #99333D // thoughts: #CC6670

A moment later Jerica's hand left his. She didn't say a word, she only got up an walked into the bathroom attached to her bedroom. The door shut behind her and within a few seconds he could hear her thrown up. Did she think if she gagged herself enough that the baby would come out that way or something? Callidos didn't know. And he didn't know what she planned on doing with the baby. Part of him feared that she would kill it. And another part of him worried that she might decide to keep it. Where would their lives go after the decision was made?

Callidos stood up from the bed and started to walk around the room. he needed to do something. He needed not to think about this. Jerica's gags were background noise as he began to start picking up various items around her room and putting them away. Sometimes just picking them up and putting them back in the same spot just to feel as if he had done something. Shirts, pants, bras and underwear all went into her hammer. Any food was put in the trash. She had a few books lying around the he moved to next to her bed. It wasn't enouch. He sat back on the bed and picked up one of the books. Callidos despised reading, but the idea of having someone to read too in the possible future didn't seem like a bad thing.

He didn't look at the cover, but instead just turned to the first page and began reading. It wasn't one of the pointless books on training or science that his father had always made him read. It was different. This book was a about a person and reading it didn't seem too bad. The person was a girl with flaming red hair who had to win a competition in order to save her father's life. It actually seemed... interesting. The door to the bathroom opened and Jerica stepped out. he hadn't even noticed that it have gotten quiet again. The book shut with a thud and he returned it to the pile he had placed by her bed. She was apologizing again.

For some reason her comment upset him. He was digusted by it. "I didn't come over for sex, Jerica. That's you. Sometimes I like being around you when you're fully clothed, you know. Crying or not. You on the other hand only want me to be naked and on top of you." He rose from the bed and walked over to where she stood leaning against the doorway, not fully in the bedroom or the bathroom. Callidos didn't say anything, he just stopped in front of her and stared down at her. She seemed a lot shorter than usual due to the lack of heels that were usually glued to her feet.

He leaned forward a little so his face was almost eye to eye with hers now. "Maybe I came over because I wanted to see. Maybe I had other reasons, yeah. But you should consider that one too. You're all I've got, Jerica. Whether I like it or not." The last sentence came out a ittle harsher than he planned. But it was true. He did like her being there and was maybe in love with her. But he didn't like that she was the only one he had. Because she wasn't actually his. Jeroica belonged to any man that wanted her. She was free to enjoy and pass around to friends. She was great to bring to parties.

~~~~~

Callidos Mason
eighteen . single . district 1

speech: #E05260 // normal: #99333D // thoughts: #CC6670

Jerica was screaming now and she was was getting to one of those moods. It was amazing how quickly she went from clinging to his sobbing to complete bitch mode. As if nothing out of the ordinary had just occured. Okay, fine. We'll play this game, Jerica. Callidos let her scream even though he was clenching his hands into fists. His temple was pulsing from anger and he was biting his lip to keep from yelling. It was taking everything he had to inhale and then exhale so he didn't blow up on Jerica. When she was done screaming, she got extremely close to his face. "See, you can't think of any reasons, can you?"

His first reaction was to shove so hard, she took a few stumbles backwards into the nearest wall. My turn. Callidos (with six feet of height, a muscular build and years of training behind him) slammed both of his hands against the wall on either side of Jerica to keep to stuck right in that spot even if she struggled. Though she was strong and often won in their wrestling matches, she wasn't go to throw him off easily when he was this pissed off. "Hey. Jerica." He spit the words out like venom. "You want a reason? Fine."

"Things between us, yeah, not so good. Sex is fantastic. Really, I mean that. You're quite talented. I wonder how many people you have to screw to get that good. But you know what, it isn't everything, okay? I don't know what the fuck kind of mind set you have because I've never taken to asking about it because I wanted to respect your privacy and I don't like started drama because drama is work, but you are seriously messed up. For some unknown reason, God only knows, you seem to think if you don't have sex with everything that moves, be it girl, boy or who knows, that the world is going to come to and end. Well it isn't okay. And people unlike you, people like me, sometimes find that there is more to life than just sex."

Every word was coming out angry and frustrated. Callidos thought of the man he had seen with Jerica two nights ago and used it to fuel his anger. He couldn't stop talking now and he needed a reason to continue. There was no going back. Think of the man. Tell her.

"Sex with you is fun, yes. But you know what else is fun? Being around you. You have this confident dimenor and an attitude that kills. With your looks you could get any fucking ma you wanted to, Jerica. You don't have to fling yourself at the first person that shows interest. You could make anybody work. I know there's someone deep down there that's a better person than you let of. There must be something in that pretty little brain of yours other than a sex drive. You and I, we're something special. We can go do whatever the hell we want, say whatever the hell we want and it doesn't matter because at the end of the day we know that there is someone there waiting for us. Willing to let us come over at odd hours of the night. And that's what I love about you, Jerica. I can be me. The stupid, selfish, prick that I am. And you can be you, okay. Damn it."

Callidos leaned forward and kissed Jerica. There was no way he could actually say out loud that he loved her, but maybe this would help. He put everythig into this one kiss. One hand on her shoulder, one on her head. He tried to make her understand what he was feeling. Love. Desire. Anger. Jealousy. Hopelessness. Fear.. Her prayed she understand. Don't let me be the only one fucking feeling this. Come on, Jerica. He broke apart and turned away, not wanting to look her in the eyes. Callidos walked clear to the other side of the room and stood inches from the wall just staring at it. Trying not to think about what was coming. There would be no changing what had just happened. Whatever changes came next were permanant. Callidos waited in silence.

~~~~~

Callidos Mason
eighteen . single . district 1

speech: #E05260 // normal: #99333D // thoughts: #CC6670

Jerica started speaking and he could feel that she was directly behind him so he turned to face. He did not expect to get a fist to the nose. "Uhh." His mumble was inaudiable next to the sound of the impact. Callidos bent over and grasped his nose. What the fucking hell. Jerica continued speaking. It took a moment for him to stand back up again, keeping his left hand pressed against his nose since it felt like it might be a little broken and he swore he was beginning to bleed.

"You're a lun-" She cut him off as she began talking about and before he knew what had happened, their lips were locked again. This time she was the one opening up. He could feel it. Maybe, just maybe, a part of her felt the same. The kiss was just as passionate as his was. Passion. That was what they had always lacked. They'd had everything but a passion for each other. Love. There was that word. It had come out of her mouth. Jerica never loved anything. Not her favourite shoes, not sex, nothing. But she loved them. Callidos smiled. It wasn't something that happened often (or ever), but the cornerers of his mouth slid into a grin as Jerica wrapped her arms around him.

His left hand was still pressed against his nose, but his right hand wrapped around her and he squeezed her back. Suddenly, he felt as though he was in a much better mood than he had ever been. "Now look what you did." Callidos mumbled as her pushed her off of him gently and made his way to the bathroom, cradling his nose. It didn't look too bad. There was blood and it looked a little off center so he decided that it needed to be ut back in place. A few seconds (and a lot of sharp pain) later, the deed was done. He took a few more minutes to clean up the blood before returning to Jerica's room.

She was back to sitting on the bed. In all this time, they had never bothered to turning on a light in the bedroom but had instead let their eyes adjust to the dim lighting. That was okay with him. He crawled over and sat next to Jerica on the bed. There was silence between them for several minutes. Callidos wasn't sure what to say. He just kept thinking about the kisses that they had exchanged. "What do you want to do about that?" He pointed towards her stomach.

ooc: this is short, sorry

~~~~~