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Hunger Games: The RPG :: Character :: Character Creation :: District Thirteen Characters :: Sulivan Yale, District 13 [rewrite]
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 AuthorTopic: Sulivan Yale, District 13 [rewrite] (Read 1,932 times)
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 Sulivan Yale, District 13 [rewrite]
« Thread Started on Nov 19, 2011, 9:07am »

[image]



Age: 15
Gender: Male
District/Area: District 13


Appearance:

[justify]Sulivan isn't the easiest person to walk by. He isn't that tall. He only stands 5'5 tall. He has striking ocean colored eyes which makes people notice him more. He has pale colored skin that makes him look like a ghost. He has a long sharp nose that can smell everything around him. He has a square shaped jaw. He is skinny but don't let his looks deceive you. He has lush blond hair which makes him different from the other district 13 people. He has thick dark eye brows that look like black mountains but a little lower. He has red luscious lips that look like sour candies. He has small ears but he can hear from a far. He has straight white teeth that shine in the light. He has a long neck because of his skinniness. He has broad shoulders that makes him look big.

He wears the gray uniform of district 13 but he tries to make it his own. He makes the gray top into a plain gray shirt with a skull printed on it and he wears a blue polo over it. The gray pants he changes it to a gray colored jeans . He also wears a black belt to complete his weird style. He wears sneakers because he thinks it is easier to dance wearing sneakers than any other shoes. But if other people would ask him he would say it just looked cool he didn't want others to mock him and treat him more of an outcast than they already did. This is one of the reasons why people look at him in weird faces. People look at him with looks that say he doesn't belong here or some would whisper "look at that weirdo over there" and they would giggle but he acts like he didn't hear anything but deep inside it really hurt him.
[/justify]

Personality:

[justify]Sulivan is a really awkward person. He has this kind face but no one goes near him. He is really quiet if there are other people with him but if he is all alone he sings and dances like there is no tomorrow. If his parents are in a meeting he practices his dancing and singing. He is insecure of himself because of all the people that looks at him. He always tries to look his best but people still keeps on looking at him like he did something wrong.
That is why he still tries to keep up his robotic side not only to his parents but also to other people. He has this mentality that if people don't like what they see about him he would try to change it. But no matter how much he changes people still treat him like he is an outcast.

He has this really different musical side of him if he is left alone. He tries different dance moves in his room. Because of his love for dancing sometimes he wouldn't even eat or sleep until he perfects the move. His parent always wonder what he does in his room but he always says that he is just practicing his shooting but in truth he was practicing his dancing moves. He dances because it makes him feel free. It makes him feel like he is in a world where he is free to do anything he wants. He is free from the underground village of District 13. Free from the dictatorship of his parents. Free from the judging eyes of the people from District 13.

He is also really shy. If for an instance someone hears him sing he would not speak for a week because he is embarrassed of his voice . If someone would see him dance he would lock himself up in his room for 3 to 5 days. He also has this robotic side of him because of his parents. His parents control most of his life. they tell him what to do or what to say . How to act in front of others. But if his parents catches him going to the glee club they would make him quit and lock him up in his room until he gets his priorities straight.
[/justify]

History:

[justify]Sulivan had a really nice childhood. His parents would give him anything he would ask for. He was really close with his parent when he was still a child. His father taught him how to use the bow and arrow. His mom also taught him how to sing and dance. That was where he learned his love for singing and dancing. He also has his music teachers to thank for his singing and dancing. He goes to school like every other kids. But during dismissals he would go to the music room to sing or dance.

But when he was 10yrs. old his parents started to become really busy and strict that they had no time for him. Every time he would try to sing his parents would always tell him to keep quiet because they still had lots of work to do. He developed his silent side because he thought that his parents were trying to tell him that he has a terrible voice. Because of that he just practiced his dancing in the music room in his school. But he still tries his best to be the robotic side his parents want him to be but as he got older he couldn't keep up the acting.

When he was 14yrs. old he started dancing in his room. He practiced morning till night until he gets the moves right. He tried to be in his best behavior if he is with his parents but if he hears a really beautiful beat his body would start to move on it's own. One day while he was dancing in the music room a teacher saw him and asked if he wanted to join the glee club. But he tried to tell him that he has a terrible voice but the teacher insisted that he should join and that dancing is also part of being in the glee club seeing there is no other way out he just said yes. But he said that not many people should know not even his parents obviously the teacher said yes. He tries to hide being in the glee club. But he knows sooner or later his parents would know about this but he wasn't sure when but he does know it would be soon enough.
[/justify]

Codeword:
odair
Comments/Other:

[justify][PLOT]---The Glee Plot
[FACECLAIM]--Jeremy Sumpter
[PALETTE]--http://www.colourlovers.com/palette/1687681/l_a_s_t_d_a_n_c_e_*
[/justify]
« Last Edit: Mar 8, 2013, 8:00pm by Shine »Link to Post - Back to Top  IP: Logged

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 Re: Sulivan Yale, District 13
« Reply #1 on Nov 19, 2011, 7:48pm »

[justify]
Hey, Shine ^^

I believe I'm correct in assuming that this is your Mike Chang character for the Glee plot. While you've got a really interesting character concept going here, it doesn't match Mike's character description on the plot page at all. You need to go look at the character description and make your character to match that, please, or we won't be able to use him in the plot.

Also, you've got some repeated spelling and gramatical errors that need to be fixed. "Forrest" is a name, while "forest" refers to the woods and does not need to be capitalized. You have a lot of words capitalized that don't need to be, so I'd run your bio through grammar check on a word processor before asking for another review.

Also, your paragraphs are a little short, and he could use more fleshing out, but I wouldn't worry about that yet because you're basically going to have to re-write him entirely to make him fit into the Glee plot.

Let me know when you're done with edits and I'll give him another look!
[/justify]
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 Re: Sulivan Yale, District 13
« Reply #2 on Nov 25, 2011, 4:35am »

My bio is ready for checking :)
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 Re: Sulivan Yale, District 13
« Reply #3 on Nov 25, 2011, 8:45pm »

[justify]
Much better! ^^

However, I feel like he could be a lot more fleshed out than he is right now. Great concept, but I feel like some added detail could make him a really great character! Here are the bios of the other completed Glee plotters for you to look at for reference.

Jace (Mr. Schue)
Abril (Rachel)
Sam
Bentley (Brittany)
Hellemine (Tina)

Basically, just go back through the bio and give me as much detail as you possibly can! Leave nothing left out! I find that it's all the little things that make a character really interesting and unique. You've got an awesome skeleton right here, now just give him a little meat on his bones!

Good luck and happy writing!
[/justify]
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 Re: Sulivan Yale, District 13
« Reply #4 on Nov 27, 2011, 9:05am »

My bio is ready for checking. :)
« Last Edit: Nov 27, 2011, 9:06am by Shine »Link to Post - Back to Top  IP: Logged

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 Re: Sulivan Yale, District 13
« Reply #5 on Nov 28, 2011, 1:19pm »

[justify]
You are so close to having this done and acceptable!

The only thing I can see is that you've mixed up your tenses a bit, and it's rather confusing. You go from saying "he was" doing something to "he is" doing something and back and forth, and it knocks the reader for a bit of a loop. It's fine to do present tense with things he's doing currently, but usually when you're describing things in a history you'll want to use past. Just fix up your tense confusion and I'll accept him pronto! ^^
[/justify]
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 Re: Sulivan Yale, District 13
« Reply #6 on Nov 30, 2011, 6:52am »

My bio is ready South. :)
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 Re: Sulivan Yale, District 13
« Reply #7 on Nov 30, 2011, 12:12pm »

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Indeed it is!

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