I wouldn't say I was pretty, I was pretty sure that the drugs and the sex and the horrible mistreatment of my body was not helping. Even though I healed people I struggled to maintain a look that for me was healthy. I didn't know how I expected people to come to me for treatment, when I looked as if the slightest breeze would blow me away. My tanned skin was no longer lustrous and glowing, but it looked dull and even had a slight tinge of a sickly yellow. It made me wrinkle up my nose in disgust everytime a glared at myself in the mirror, or saw my distorted reflection in a puddle. My eyes didn't even have energy in them. They use to shine like the sun themself, but then the drugs left them red rimmed and puffy. So much for following my brother and becoming famous. Nothing ever goes as planned and your life never has a set route. It changes with every mistake and wrong you die. I guess I have made too many.

I had clothes that frankly cover my body, if I could I would love to walk around naked, but sadly that is not allowed, no matter what district you are in, even in the Capitol. So instead I try to wear as little clothing as I can, a top that goes up to my breast and shorts that could be underwear. It looks good, except my skin doesn't really make it look any better. I look to sick. I don't mind though, because I must be doing something right if allthe men and young boys still goggle at me or whistle. I like to think I am something they can't touch, but I know that as soon as I can I will bed anyof them. I don't really remember if I do it for the money or just for the hell of it any more. The drugs fried my brain.

I am a caring person. I may not care in the least about who I am, but I do care about so many people. I could never let anyone, no matter how pissed or drugged I am die. It is me and to see people in pain kills me on the inside. My parents often say to me that if I was in the games... I wouldn't come back. I believe them because I know I wouldn't I couldn't kill another life. It isn't me. No human nor animal is superior over me. Humans are stupid they know nothing of life. They think they are so superior over ever living animal, but they have never taken the chance the oppurtunity to look around them. Animals aren't stupid, we are stupid. Why can no one see the damage we are causing. No animal is destroying the world. Only humans are. Humans don;t think. When they kill an animal all the see is food. They see nothing of the life they have destroyed. They only see beyond their wants. They see animals as disposable, just as they see the very place they live on.

People call me smart... I belive them, because unlike all of them i see what we are doing I can feel and sense how the world is changing and one day it will all stop... Everything will die and then they will want to know why. I don't listen to people. I don't understand why I heal them, I just have to. I would rather be out in the wild trying to save the world, trying to protect myfamily and my home from destruction. I would rather be with my brother. And my family, my family isn't my mother or father, they are far from it. myfamily is nature and what it can give us. I am part ofit as it is part of me. you wouldn't believe I was a girl who did drugs and sleept with countless amounts of men. I guess that is why I'mstupid just like the rest of them. As you can tell I'm serious I take life seriously, but then I am also throughing everything I have and am awaywhen I sniff that drug or jab that needle into my arm. I don't care anymore.

I have always thought of myself as selfless, but very annoying. I never understood how that worked until I realised that I was persistant, if someone was sick or ill, I would not leave them untilthey let me help them. Soempeople hated me for it other were greatful. I guess the hate was how I managed to become sarcastic and witty. It was my and still is my only defence against peopel. I can't hit them or hurt them so I talk to them. I guess you have figured out how much I love first aid and healing people. I have all mylife worked in a little healing shop. I know allkinds of firstaid and medical treatment for anything. Even the Capitols mutts. I'm a natural at it.

I have a family, but I don't really call them that, well except for my brother, to me they are acquantinces. Family, I don't really understand what it is menat to mean or, if you are part of one, what are you expected to do? My family always shunned me for my brother afterall he had all the talent and ended up going to the Capitol... I guess I did agree with them my brother has always been nice and fair to me. He loves me and I love him, even if my parents favour him, he is still kind and big hearted. No matter what they say and do I will always to them be a shadow. Sometimes All the time I wonder why I was ever born. I believe that they had me for another purpose, to help them in the shop or maybe even for me to be the low life that I am in the family and make my brother shine like the star that he is. I don't know the reason why, but all I do know is that I was created for a reason other then love and caring.

I use to have a cat... she was the most smartest cat in the world. But then she disappeared... I thought i saw her once in my parents room cut open, but I didn't think it was her for a second, I didn't take that second glance, but I knew that if i had of I would have seen her, because the truth was it was her my little Sage. She was murdered for my parents benefits, they wanted to study the insides of my only friend... They killed the only thing apart from my brother that I let myself get close to. I trusted that cat... I use to trust my parents, but trust is a double sided stick or something... No wait or was that sword, I'll be fucked if I remember. Anywho, they destroyed my trust and when they stabbed it and stomped on it, they then went ahead and light it on fire. I really talk to them now and when I do it is formal and stiff, not free and casual like it should be. My parents destroyed something inside me that I only had with Sage. I guess it died with her.

Sometimes I get nightmares, and no matter how many times the same scene of Sage's eyes staring blankly at me, as if she couldn't believe what had happened to her, I always wake up crying. I always wake up sobbing and wishing that I had different parents and a different life. I guess that is why I started taking drugs, it seperated my mind from my thoughts and my emotions. The sleeping with the guys was all part of it. My brother would always frown and bit his lip as if he was going to say something about what I did... but he never did. I think that is one of the reasons why I still do it. I want to disappoint him and make him upset with me. I feel like deep down I am pushing everyone away from me. I know I am doing it, but no matter how many times I tell myself to stop I remember everything that my parents have done to me, My brothers disappointed expression flashes before my eyes and then I take another puff of the cigarette, or I jab that needle harder into my arm. I'm killing myself and I no longer care. At least one day I will be with Sage again.