57th Reaping [D11]

I stood infront of the mirror in my small bedroom, tracing my finger along the long crack that ran through the center of it. I hardly remembered how the crack had gotten there, for the memory was dim. I only recalled smashing my fist into it when I was in a state of frustration and anger. As always, I think it had something to do with my aunt and uncle. They were probably drinking again, causing me to lose patience with their immense stupidity. My gaurdians and I didn't have that great of a relationship, I didn't even consider it a relationship actually. They didn't take care of me, and I definatly didn't love them. Wasn't a relationship meant to have love and care? If that was what the defintion was, I definatly had never had one before.

I stared at the girl in the reflection, barely recognizing myself. My hair was braided elegantly from the bottom of one ear and stopping at the other where it fell in small waves over my shoulder. I didn't have much make-up on, it was just enough to cover up the fresh scar on the side of my cheek that I had received a few days earlier. The memory of receiving it caused me to let out a long sigh. A small smirk played across my grim expression as I remembered throwing my uncle's glass bottle at a wall, causing it to bounce off and cut me across the cheek. It had already begun to heal, though it left a long red scar that stood out against my light skin.

I had on a simple, dark red dress that flowed freely when I walked, despite how much I loathed wearing dresses. The fabric was made of a soft silk material that felt different and strange compared to what I usually wore. Despite it's elegant appearance it gave me, it smelled deeply of alcohol and wood. Basically, it smelled like my old house.

I guess I looked pretty. I didn't look like the other girls in my district, with their dark olive skin and hair that flowed out behind them. I was a girl with lighter skin than most, with black choppy hair. As I thought this over, I tried to convince myself that I didn't even care. I was never the one to dwell on my appearance, for there was no one to impress in my dull life. I was already considered insane by how I look and how I present myself, why would I try to convince them otherwise?

Surprisingly, my aunt had managed to stay sober enough to help me with this amazing transformation. As crazy as it might have sounded, I was actually greatful for my aunt at that particular time. That didn't mean that I liked her, it simply meant that I was relieved to have someone to do these things for me. I would have never been able to make myself look this way on my own, I actually preferred just to wear a t-shirt and my jeans.

I sighed, looking at myself one more time before I stepped away from the girl in the reflection, glancing around my room slowly. I wondered if this would be the last time I would ever look at my room. Would it be the last time I even stepped place in this house? The thoughts continued to flow through my head, leaving me in an immense state of confusion. The truth was, I didn't even want to step back in this house, actually I didn't even want to step back into this district. Part of me wished that my name would be called, thus causing me to be carried away where I would never have to see these people again. I was tired of the district citizens staring and pointing at me, whispering behind my backs. I forced myself to appear strong like I didn't care what they thought...but deep down it stung. The things they called me hurt and ripped me apart a million times, causing me to be who I was today, an insane girl who drank just like her gaurdians.

I sighed as I finally moved away from the mirror and began to walk through my bedroom door, and down the hall absent-mindedly. The wooden floorboards creaked under each step I took, the sounds bouncing off the empty walls. I saw no sight of my aunt and uncle, guessing they were already making their way to the Reaping without me. I saw a half-empty bottle of whatever they drank on the counter, and sighed slowly. Usually my aunt and uncle drinking didn't bother me, but lately it was beginning to fill me with immense hatred for them. I had fights with them almost every night over it, causing me to be extremely stressed.

I picked the half-empty bottle up off the counter and lifted it to my lips. Turning the bottle upwards, I felt it drain the alcohol down my throat. It burned as it moved downwards, my face growing hot. It actually made no sense for me to be drinking, when I hated my gaurdians so much for doing it themselves, but I needed it. The beverage shut the voices up that flowed through my head constantly, at least for an hour.

Placing the bottle back down, now empty, I walked quickly to the front door and pushed it open. A blast of cold air hit me as I stepped out, causing me to cross my arms tightly against my chest in an attempt to gain warmth. As I walked in a quick pace on the hard gravel beneath the soles of my shoes, all I could hear was the rush of wind that blew past my ears. The streets were eerily quiet; no one was in sight. I then realized how late I must be to the Reaping, and began to run. I hitched my dress up over my ankles as I shot off towards the District Square. Worry and frustration seared through me as I thought about what would happen if I showed up late. I would most likely miss the mayor calling out the names of the children who would be sent into the arena.

By the time I reached it, my breath was coming in short gasps from the long and fast run. I could feel the alcohol slurring in my stomach from not only the energy I had just used, but from the nervous air that surrounded me. Barely anyone noticed me as I appeared, for their gazes were trained on the mayor in a immense state of anxiety and nervousness. Without waiting to see everyone's reaction to my lateness, I slipped quietly into the place that was closed off for my age group. I slowly began to regain my breath, and looked up as I heard the District Mayor speaking. I had gotten there at exactly the right time, I would be able to hear who they called. I barely payed attention as he said the regular words, only focusing in when he pulled out a slip of paper. Everything went silent as he began to say the girl tribute. I could hear a pin drop, I could hear the fast intake of breath as others braced themselves to hear the Mayor's words.

His next words seemed to sound funny in my ears. It sounded as if he had said my name. It then hit me, he did call my name! My name echoed through my head as it rang in my ears. I clenched my hands into fists as I braced myself to walk up to the front. As I took my first few steps, the crowd began to part for me. Despite how so many people hated me, I actually saw sympathetic gazes amongst the crowd. I quickly looked forward, only allowing myself to look at the stage, my destination. Each step felt like a lifetime as I grew closer. As I proceeded up the steps, I allowed myself to look at the crowd of people. I saw my aunt and uncle off to the side. They were staring at me, not a look of sadness on their face, for the grief that was placed on so many others was masked with happiness on theirs. I glared coldly at them as my eyes met theirs, a thin and harsh smirk appearing on my face.

It was then that my usual coldness and hate returned. My gaurdians were actually happy that I was leaving to meet my death. They probably couldn't wait to see me die on that small television screen in our living room. I felt a burning hatred stir inside me towards them. They didn't even try to convince me that they cared! They wanted me to know how much they despised me. I felt the urge to jump off the stage and punch them, but I knew that would most definatly not be allowed. Instead, I stood my ground and held my head up higher, doing my best to appear confident infront of my District. "I accept" I spoke, holding my gaze with my gaurdians. The truth was, I didn't really believe I could win, but I had to seem strong before them. Despite how much they shunned and talked about me, I couldn't let my District down.

There was no one here that I would miss, and there was no one who would miss me. I had barely any friends, for everyone preferred to stick away from my insanity. I would leave this District as lonely as I was here. When I stepped out into that arena, whatever it may be this year, I would have no one to long for, and I definatly would not long to be at home with my drunken gaurdians. The only company that I would have would be the other tributes, and I wouldn't allow myself to care for one of them. I had watched The Hunger Games, and the tributes who cared for each other were always torn apart. I had to stay on my own in that arena, like how I was here. It was in my nature to be on my own, and I would not let any tribute interfere with that

Despite my several gulps of alcohol, the voices were still managing to be audible. They would definatly get annoying in the games. They would probably go into a frenzy in the arena, knowing that I would be holding a weapon, with people all around me to kill. Killing. The word stirred something deep within me the moment it passed through my confused thoughts. I was actually excited] to kill, no excited was the wrong word. I anticipated it, I craved it; any of those words would do. I had experience with killing, and the feeling of it left me exhilerated. I loved the feeling of the adrenaline running through my veins.

You're not going to die in that arena Zuka, I'll help you. I've helped you before, haven't I? After all, I was the one who helped you kill your mother. I'll tell you what to do, and you'll follow my lead. Okay?