58th Reaping D7

~~Noelle Pines

Noelle’s heart was beating faster than ever. The mayor’s hand was only inches from the bowl. Sudden flashes of memories burst through Noelle’s mind, crushing her senses, her instinct, and her sanity. Just being here was too much for her; it made her helplessly weak, standing up and waiting. Anxiety coursed through Noelle's veins; the suspense was too much.

All she saw was death, lingering, pulling her in. She had seen too much of it. Worse, she had always been too close to it. And now, the question was, would she become one with it? It was only a single slip of paper that had the answer to that question.

Now, she was standing in the square, along with so many others, waiting to hear the names of the two people that death was choosing to visit next. Noelle slowly came to her senses, and her eyes scanned the crowd, searching for her siblings. Four of her siblings were signed up for the reaping this year, but none of them were visible in the mass of people. Noelle felt her fingers twitching, her knees shaking, and her gaze unfocused. The mayor was holding the slip of paper; then, unfolding it.

The single act brought a pang of anxiety to Noelle’s chest. She felt a tickling sensation on the back of her neck.
The mayor looked up at the crowd, his lips about to form the words…

It’s me, Noelle thought, her heart pounding, her eyes closed, as she listened for the sound of her name. It’s me.
I know it’s me.

“Noelle Pines!”

Noelle felt the world stop in that single moment. Somehow, she couldn’t believe it. She felt a rush of shock pass through her, slowly starting to consume her. It all seemed like a distant dream.

Noelle’s name being called was the first and the last thing that she had expected. Irony: that’s what it was. That simple word had weaved its way into Noelle’s life; it had ultimately crushed her. Now, it wanted to destroy her. Irony: it was a silly word, but probably the most prominent word anyone could use to describe her life.

Though, really, was it irony? Because it did quite seem as though the entire universe was plotting against her…like she was meant to die. It was as though her life was slipping from her hands, slowly but surely.

She was so shocked, so unfocused, that she didn’t hear the other name. In fact, she didn’t really care who it was. No usual senses of curiosity rushed through her. She just wanted to survive the moment without passing out.

About three years ago, Noelle had sat at the creek, a smile stretching across her face. It was the last smile she remembered. She recalled the soft summer breeze and the peanut butter sandwiches; she remembered it all. Sometimes, her insanity got the best of her, and she would end up walking to the creek, listening for Ruby’s voice. The memories of her and Ruby having the chance to share their lives together were amazingly vivid. Ruby had been like a younger sister: small, serious, but always listening. Nostalgia started to nip at Noelle’s mind. She saw a tear at the edge of her vision. Though, she refused to let it fall.

Noelle was not afraid of death; in fact, death actually seemed like a nice escape. It was leaving her life unfulfilled, that she was afraid of. She remembered when she was a little girl, her dreams vivid beyond anything imaginable. “I want to be President someday, daddy,” she had said. The words echoed through her brain. She had always wanted to lead, to speak, to guide. She had wanted to find a way to end the Hunger Games. The possibility of that, she realized as she got older, was about as equal to the possibility of a cat learning to fly. However, she had let it take possession of her dreams when she was younger, becoming the one thing she thought about day and night. And now, here she was, standing in the massive crowd at the reaping, her name sustained, lingering above every person’s head…for the second time. Here she was, a girl who had lost too much in her life, prepared to lose the final pieces of her sanity.

She didn’t want to die this way; she wanted to die remembering happy moments; she didn’t want to die knowing that none of it mattered, that she had never found the answers to her silly dreams and wishes. She wanted to die knowing that she had done something for this world, that her point had been fulfilled.

Though, what did it really matter anymore? She was surrounded by death, being consumed by the darkness of her own memories, and she was weak beyond anything she had known. How was she supposed to end her life fulfilled while trying to kill 23 other children? How was she supposed to muster up enough strength to step off that metal plate in the first place when she didn’t even have enough strength to walk up to that stage?

Noelle finally returned to consciousness. She felt a hand on her back, giving her a slight shove towards the stage. She blinked and looked around; there were so many stares, directing right into her eyes. They were pitying stares. Noelle looked down at her feet as she walked, not wanting to look into them. She didn’t want anyone else to feel sorry for her; she wanted them to think she was strong—or at least, she had a strong urge to fake it, so she lifted her head just a little bit. Noelle felt a shiver creeping up her spine. She felt the tension, as she walked, swiftly but unsurely, towards the stage. At least she was holding onto more sanity this time, than at her last reaping.

Maybe it was because she expected death; she knew it was coming.
Last time, she had barely been rescued from it, but this time, she knew it was going to eat her alive. The only help she had this time would be from herself; would that be enough? Not if she couldn’t convince a soul that she had any strength left…

Noelle walked up the steps; she was almost there, almost on stage. She stopped at a point next to the mayor, looking out at the crowd. She bit her lip, trying to face the facts that laid themselves before her. She had to look tough…she had to earn support; but she was still looking at her feet. A tear touched the edge of her vision and she quickly wiped it away. She slowly lifted her head towards the crowd, trying to disguise her eyes under a mask of unreadable detachment. She remembered when she was reaped last time, when she had fallen to her knees onstage, unable to carry such a heavy burden. She remembered the brave soul that had offered to take her place; why couldn’t she be like them?

As Noelle looked out at the faces in the crowd, it seemed just like it had the last time she was reaped. So many of the faces were the same ones she had seen before. Too many were familiar. Still, she knew that she would never find the face of the girl who practically saved her life last year: the girl who entered the games in place of Noelle, and died. It was a horrible thought actually…knowing that she had been too cowardly to face this so-called game a year ago. But now, she wouldn’t let herself back down. Even as the irony killed her inside, she tried to gather the little pieces that were left of her, and she attempted to put them back together carefully. She wasn’t going to back down this time; she was going to go into these games for Ruby. She had no idea what she would do, what would happen, or where she would end up…but she ignored that fact.

The odds were against her and she knew it. After the last few years of torture, how could she have any chance at survival? She had become a weak, pathetic, little girl.

Though, somewhere inside her, however deep it was, Noelle knew she had strength; and she was going to use it.