62nd Reaping [D6]

Today is the day people aren't sent to mourn, not to enjoy a great performance. There will be no beautiful voices or extravagant costumes in the opera house today, only the sound of complete and utter emptiness. Rows and rows of seats that are meant to be occupied will have only ghosts of the past to fill them. Everyone was gathering elsewhere today. No one, not even the elderly in District 6, wanted to see a little play put on on this day. Even those who were now safe from the Capitol's talons stayed inside today, clinging to the hope that maybe no one would show up to take there child or sibling or friend away from them. But they always come, waiting eagerly to escort two very unlucky people away to die a slow, complicated, and terrible death. And I had to go and watch the whole thing unfold. Stand in a crowd of sixteen year olds and wait silently until both tributes were announced and taken away. And then I could come back to the opera house and wait for the next day where the opera house would be full again with people wanting to forget how cruel the world is. And it was that easy to forget about the Games until the next Reaping when everyone was scared away into there houses or herded to the college.

And I have always eagerly awaited the day after the Reaping.

But waiting in the scorching hot sun surrounded by complete strangers is almost too much for me. Maybe if I had stood closer to Rio or Merc or even Xana I would not feel so desperate to run away from this throng of people. But I'm standing next to no one that I know. There is a really tall girl next to me that looks as if she could squash me underfoot without trying and a girl to my left that is shaking so bad that I think she may collapse any second. And because I am so terrified of the tower of a girl on my right and have no other person to help me feel better, I grab the shaking girls hand and squeeze as hard as I can. I hate talking to people and am very thankful when the girl says nothing and only squeezes my hand just hard enough to make me remember not to break down. It's just a ridiculous bunch of people. No need to panic. You don't have to talk to any of them. Come on Naveen, get a grip ...

And I am thankful that the girl next to me is letting me get a grip of myself by grasping her hand. I don't even know her. But she seems to be calming down a bit, keeping her shaking to a minimum. If I stand on my tiptoes and look past a few shoulders, I can see the back of Rio's head. And even with just a glimpse of the back of him, I feel a bit better. And I know that Merc is behind me somewhere, probably trying to stay awake through the whole thing. Why can't you be like her in crowds? I try to transport myself to being back on stage, or backstage in some extravagant dress, laughing with everyone, making sure I remember all of my lines. But all I can think about is how both of my brothers are old enough to be here. They could be standing somewhere in the area and I might not even recognize them. I haven't seen either of them for a while. Longer than awhile. My eyes are searching even after I try to stop them. But I don't see them and can't figure out if I should be thankful or frightened.

And I almost forget where I am again, worrying about where my brothers are, trying to remember their faces, their voices - and I don't what terrifies me more, the girl that might kill me to my right or not knowing what happened to the two guys I will always love. The shaking girl is holding her breath next to me. She has stopped gasping for breath and has instead stopped breathing altogether. It's hard for me to imagine how anyone could be so terrified of their name on a little slip of paper in a bowl of millions of other names. I'm not scared of my name. I'm proud of it. And as I watch the escort reach into the glass orb filled with girls' names, I can feel myself drifting into my bed and dreaming of the play that we will put on tomorrow. We will all be back stage, living our lives like normal - at least as normal as they can get. Maybe there will be a party after -

"Naveen Casovnik!"

I feel the girl relax her hand, and hear her gasp in relief, and she is smiling at me, silently thanking me with her eyes for helping her through the rough patch of fear. But I can't smile back. Not this time. I have smiled so many times before, feeling closer to my goal of getting back to the opera house. But today all I can do is stare blankly at everyone around me. I can see Rio's face now, turned towards me, probably mirroring the fear on my face with his own. I let go of the girls hand and push my way past her, ignoring hr horror that re-enters her face. I reach the stage but I can't hear anything. I turn and face the crowd of young people. It's almost like back at Tempus - except everyone looks terrified and I have no friends to act with. Only an escort and a mayor and some other advisors accompany me on this stage. The escort reaches into the bowl for the boys and I decide I better listen. This person may just kill me. It's important to learn who may end your life and know you would've been able to love them in any other circumstance.

"Theseus Rhodium!"

And then I feel the tears falling down my face. I can't remember the last time I cried - like for real cried. Maybe when I was little, when I ran away from home, when my brothers wrestled with me. But these tears are real - hot and desperate and terribly painful. I know that name. Shit, Theo. An d I watch him walk to the stage and It only makes me start to shake. I hold my need to scream inside me and cover my mouth hoping that my hand can muffle any noise that might accidentally escape into the open. I don't want to cry but I can't stop. I should've known better. You can't touch a flame or it burns. You can't stay in the freezing cold or it numbs. You can't enjoy anything for too long or it disappears.

Tempus is disappearing. My family is disappearing from view. Only Theo is here on stage with me. And it doesn't feel right. The stage has helped me so much. I love being on stage, making people laugh or cry with a character I play. But this stage is going to kill me. I'm up here now because I am going to die. I won't be at Tempus tomorrow. Tomorrow I will be at the Capitol. And I'm suddenly dreading tomorrow for the first time in my life.