Alexandria Curtis D12 done

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My hair is my favorite part of myself so that's why I am starting with it first. There isn't much to like about myself but I have to admit my hair isn't half bad. It's dark brown and gets lighter as it gets longer. It's thick and when it's brushed its silky smooth. But if I don't brush it, watch out because it's a whole new head of hair. I am trying to grow my hair out longer. It goes down to my shoulder blades. I hate it when it gets in my face so I cut bangs without thinking. So now it just made my problem worse. I usually pull them back.

My eye brows are untameable as well. They are dark and bushy. I think it's a family things. Because I remember my brother has those bushy and really dark eyebrows too. Dark just like my eyes. I have met people who's eyes just dazzle you. Their bright color just grabs your attention and pulls you in. My brother said you can tell how a person feels through their eyes. I am not exaggerating, mine look like grey dirty water. My brother told me that they are pretty and full of mystery but to be honest, I don't see how eyes can tell how the person feels or if they are full of mystery. They are just eyes.

I stand 5 feet and 4 inches, which is pretty average for a 13 year old if you ask me. If we got in order from shortest to tallest in my class, I would be dead in the middle. Because the last time I checked, that's what happened. My face is stone cold and barely shows emotion, only when I really want to. I am really skinny. You can see my ribs. I have never had enough to eat so I lack body fat. I am boney and lean and a fast runner but I am not strong. My broad shoulders is the only thing I have that's considered big on my body.

I definatly get my looks from my mother. When she was alive people told me how much I looked like her. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. Except I look a little more weathered then my mother will ever look. I have scars and cuts from fights I like to get myself into. That has a physical appearance price of scars and wounds, but its worth it. Because I don't know how to do anything else.
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A word that would describe me is hardcore. I am cold and tough. Even looking at me you can tell that you shouldn't mess with me. I guess I have some sort of presence about me that people fear. Maybe it's the presence of self confidence. Because when you act self confident you start acting like it sooner or later. Anything you say will not faze me. Because I learned that your emotions can ruin you. So I try to keep them shoved away where they don't bother me. I am sharp tongue and smart. I know how to survive on my own because I have done it before.

I might seem very hard and unapproachable. But I wasn't originally like this. I used to have a heart, and deep down inside I still have it. I was just taught to act like this to survive so it's all I do. I used to care if I hurt someone, and that never goes away. My old caring self is still in my hiding away afraid to come out. I don't want to be weak. I have felt weak before and I don't want to be weak again. I want people to fear me and think of me as someone better then them not weak and easy to manipulate. I am tired of people thinking they are better then me. I act tough but really, I am scared. Scared because I am on my own. Everyone left me.

Another thing about me is that when I say no, I mean no. Telling me anything will not matter. I stick to my decision all the way until the every end. I am always going to do what I think unless you take the time to convince me otherwise. I am also not the most truthful person you will meet. I lie, cheat, steal... anything to get what I need. I am like my brother, why you ask? Because that's how I was raised. All I know is to be bad. I am not afraid to fight back if I am upset. Because that's all I know. My brother taught me to be bad. I don't listen to authority and I break rules because I can. Or maybe because I am angry.

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I never knew the luxury life my brother had. He rarely talks about how father died or what it was like living in a nice home and getting presents on your birthday. So I don't really know anything about my father. All I know is that he is dead. Luke tells me that's my strength, I have nothing to miss. But the truth is every January 25, I don't get gifts like he used to. And that was my downfall. I never got a taste of it. I was born 2 months after my father pasted. When I was born mother cried sad tears that my father never met me. I wasn't anything special though. I grew up with my mother in a tiny house and I shared a room with my brother. I started to get used to it until I had to get used to something else.

As I grew older, I developed a kind sweet hearted personality. But at a young age I noticed my brother wasn't too found of anything. Mother would yell at him when he came home from school hours after other kids did. And when teachers called our house she never was happy. Luke would keep me up crying and hitting the wall until her fell asleep. Except my brother was my role model for some reason. I wanted to be like him. He taught me everything he knew about being bad. Soon I found myself acting out in class making rude remarks in class that lead to afternoon detentions. Just like him. My mother would always mumble how her children were going down the wrong path and she couldn't do anything about it.

Luke taught me everything he knew. I got into fights for fun and even joined his gang when I was 8 years old. I would steal and get into fights because that was what Luke did. I would vandalize and get in trouble but I still looked up to him. I was 7 years old when I first had a cigarette. Luke handed me one and I watched him. It was disgusting but I did it anyways because he did it. And I think he regrets that. Because I was so young yet so bad. My old sweet self was hidden under all the cigarette smoke and lies. I didn't know any better. For a poor girl living in District 12, I was doing ok.

My mother died when I was nine. She fell ill very suddenly and my brother couldn't nurse her back to health. Luke became very sad when my mother had her funeral. He had lost so many people lately and I couldn't imagine what it felt like to loose a best friend and a mother in the same year. I couldn't bare to think about loosing my best friend. Because Luke was my best friend and brother. When we walked out of the funeral, we didn't have a house anymore. It was taken away by the government. Luke and I were penniless and parentless.

Luke and I found hope in the gang. The members helped us get alone with places to stay and occasional meals if they could afford it. This was the starting of when my brother and my stealing skills came into hand. All I seemed to do was get in trouble. They told what happened to me. But the only way you could find out the real me is if you look inside my heart.

It was a rainy night and I couldn't find anywhere for me, who was ten, and my brother who was 16. It was dark and cold, I remember huddling against my brothers body shivering in the cold. Every door we knocked on turned us back into the cold. We hadn't eaten in days. My brother lead my to a door step. He sat me on the step and look at me with loving eyes. Luke wiped the wet hair on my face. He told me he would come back. I believe him because I didn't even call out to him to stop. That was the last time I ever saw my brother, defeated and shivering in the cold. I sat for hours on the door step, all the way into the night when I finally realized he wasn't coming back. The last thing I told him was that it wasn't his fault. All I had left of him was the necklace he gave me when I was younger. I still have that necklace and I wear it every day.

The owner of the orphanage begged me to come inside from her door way which happened to be the steps I was sitting on. I cried out yelling at her that he would come back. But I finally gave up and came inside. The moment I walked up those steps I lived their. The orphanage where I fall asleep every night asking myself why he did this to me. I trusted him and he let me down.

The next month my brothers picture was hung at the justice building. I realized what he had done. But I don't think I could forgive him for killing a man.
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