it's too late to apologize [Jabber Jay's Death]

...it had seemed so simple at the start. Reside in the Capitol for a week or two, and then enter the Games. It seemed so easy to spread his wings, swipe what he wanted and get the hell out. He was a jay. He could fly. He could overcome everything.
But the minute he set foot on that battlefield, it was like hunting season. It was like a fucking piñata party. Fucking ping-pong.
Either they wanted the feathery down or they wanted the flesh and the bones. Once again, he was a handicapped bird. He was trapped, stepped on, and broken beyond repair. A sharp blade pierced his skin, working its way between the bones and prying his arm from his shoulder. And so when Jabber lay on the ground, airways closing and eyes glazed, he realized he wasn't a bird. He couldn't warble like one, he couldn't fly like one, and most of all he couldn't be free like one.
The first tear forced its way out of his swollen eyelids the second his severed arm hit the ground. He could not even call that arm his anymore. His vision blurred, and he couldn't tell whether the hot liquid dripping down his dirty face was blood, sweat or tears. The head of an axe struck the back of his head, blood flowing from his scalp and soaking his hair.
Pushing up with the arm he still had, Jabber managed to scramble to his feet and stumble away from the Cornucopia, away from the carnage. Blood dripped from his chin and loose teeth rattled around inside his mouth. His left cheek was distended, an ugly shade of periwinkle and coated in the sticky, coppery substance. He only had one ear now, and there was an ugly gaping hole where his ear used to be. His entire face was numb, and his lip was fat and swollen. It really was a large change from the handsome fellow who had stepped off that pedestal not too long ago.
His legs wobbled beneath his weight, and the bloodied handle of his frying pan slipped from his trembling fingers. Jabber's knees buckled and he fell to the ground, his head slamming against a rotten tree trunk. He clung to the old green log, as if it were the the only life support he had left.
It was no use.
The bird had been shot down.
Tears made his vision hazier, and he forced out tiny, inaudible sobs. His jaw was so sensitive to movement that a searing pain shook his body every time he opened his mouth. Jabber rolled onto his back, staring up at the sky. How many miles away is the sun? How far away are the clouds? The more his throat tightened and his stomach convulsed in excruciating pain, he knew the sky was not as far away as he had thought.
He expelled a puff of air, before speaking. "I gueff I haff soh apowofies to make." Man, was his speech fucked up right now.
"I'm sowwy to... weww, evewyone I've been a buwden to." He wiped away the blood and drool that dribbled down his chin. "Fow bein' annoyin', talhatib, aww dat shish. It's noh wike I don't know I'm def'ised."
What the hell was he even saying? He didn't know anymore. Jabber just did what he normally does. Talk nonstop.
"I juft feew wike I faiwed aww of you," he croaked, rolling over and spitting out blood onto the ground. A disgusting metallic tang lingered on his tongue, and he felt this morning's breakfast crawling back up his throat. Though he had to keep talking. He had so much he wanted to get off his chest before he... went. Surprisingly, the more he talked, the easier it became.
"I'm sorry to Bae, and to Nightshade, that I wasn't able to get all of us out of there unharmed. And I'm especially sorry that I let her get killed in there."
One more tear rolled down his cheek, but it felt like a million weights forcing their way out of his puffy eyelids. "And then there's... my family. I'm sorry to Mocking, and to Stellar, and every other person who had to tell me to shut the fuck up. I'm sorry to Red and Violet, that you have to see me like this. To Gray..."
His throat constricted, and he rolled over, digging his nails into the rotten wood of the log. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, gritting his teeth and fighting back an animal wail. "And to Blue... I'm sorry that I couldn't have stayed with you longer than I'd hoped. Juliette... my favorite cousin..."
He let what he had said sink in, and then he quickly corrected himself. "Other than Fawn. I'll get to that later. Umm... anyways, Julie, I'm sorry I wasn't able to help you regain your faith in our family. And Persia, wherever you are, if you're even still alive, just know that I'm sorry that I never even bothered to find you."
He closed his eyes, as if their horrified faces were materializing before his very eyes. This was harder than saying goodbye in the Justice Building; now he was kissing life goodbye. Kissing.
Fawn.
He pushed against the log, forcing himself up into a sitting position. Jabber put on a little sad smile, the last smile he had given her that day in the Justice Building. "Hey, Fawn," he greeted, as if she were standing before him now. Her blonde hair would be waving in the wind, his hand would be in hers and he would still have all his body parts, would not lay here dying in a puddle of his own blood. "Listen. There's a reason for everything. And I just think you should know there was a reason I told you we couldn't go on like this. Whether I returned or not, I'd be dead. I wouldn't be the same. So what I'm saying, Fay, is that I want you to move on. Don't think that you're betraying me, because you're not. And yes, this is what you think it is. This is me confessing my unconditional love for my cousin, in front of your parents and all of Panem. I really don't give a shit if I become the laughing stock of the nation. I won't be there to see it.
"All in all, my sweet, beautiful songbird, I want to apologize that I couldn't come back to you in one piece. I'm sorry to say that the old Jabber wouldn't even set foot in your house again."
There. It was done. The whole world knew. It was like a heavy weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. Though as he lay there in silence, a dark vignette forming around the corners of his vision, he realized that his time had almost run out. He still had one last thing to say.
"One last thing; one last little note for Mr. Westimer Jay. The other man of the family. You told me that I didn't have to take the crown home, that all you wanted me to have was the longstanding memory of the family. But I think the real question is, will you remember me in twenty years? Someday the Jays will split up, their fates sealed and their spirits free to roam. Maybe someday, a Jay will be able to take home the victory that I didn't. I'm not asking you to remember me as the one who was shot down first at the Bloodbath. I'm not even asking you a question. I'm demanding that you remember me as the one person you loved unconditionally, whether you wanted to admit it or not. I want you to think of me as... a guide, maybe. One of the Jays who took their own path and roamed free. It didn't have to..."
The forest was getting darker, and the cries of birds were becoming distorted screams in his ears. "...end... this... way."
His head fell back, hitting the rotten wood sharply. "I don't... hab... awyti' ewfs..."
Damn. It was over. It was so over. He tried to finish his sentence, but the only sound that came out was a low gurgling in the back of his throat. Jabber choked on his final words, squeezing out the last tears he would ever shed. "It's... done. I apow...igized. I've may my howwible speef. Is dat what you watt to hear?"
He fished into his pocket, pulling out the note from Fawn. He fumbled to unfold the paper, the words on the page large black blurs before his eyes. He couldn't read the words, but he knew what she would say to him. I love you, Jab. Come home. He pressed his lips against the crumpled paper, leaving a lipstick blood stain over her delicate curlicue writing, closing his eyes.
He used his shoulder to push himself up and roll over, his breathing slowing down. If not for the gashes and bruises on his skin and the blood that he shed, it would merely look like a weary boy resting for the day ahead.