Words In The Dirt [Deimos Standalone Day 1]

I had taken some time to go off on my own to think, reflect on the bloody chaos that had settled to dust around our feet. All four of us had gotten through relatively unscathed, though Andal was missing half of his arm. Settling myself around the tail end of the Cornucopia and away from the others. In the shadow of the golden horn I wouldn't be spotted instantaneously, but I would still be able to be seen. My backpack sat in the dirt beside me as my back pressed against the hard metal of the structure behind me. I leaned my weight on it, trying to stretch my back some because in the fight I had been weighed down by the saw that now sat to my right, still stained with blood. Had I the energy I might have cleaned it, but the energy and the resources were missing right now so it stayed red.

My index finger traced through the dirt to draw symbols that meant nothing to me, creating patterns that were nothing more than furrows in the dirt that would disappear at the lightest wind. Significance here was a hard thing to earn, and tracings in the dust would not remain, just as the bodies of the slain would not remain. Even I would not remain, at some point I will exit this arena. Dead or alive I would finally escape this place that was nothing short of demonic. Taking a breath, I looked at the last thing I had traced, imagining what it might be. Almost like my mind was taking chalk and tracing it over I began to see a letter in the symbol. I added more letters, more symbols that finally meant something to me, until I read the word written at my side. 'Fighting'

Feeling emotion well up at the few letters written in sequence, symbols in a list that combined meant something greater than the single letter could understand, I pushed myself into a real sitting position, crossing my legs and leaning forward to gaze at the open patch of dirt I had managed to find among all the moss around me. I stretched my arm forward, finger extended, as I hoped to find more words to surround that first. I had the inspiration to write a song, something I hadn't thought would happen in this place. Slowly, the first words transposed themselves from my mind and onto the ground in front of me.

'We are in the dark'

But I needed more than that, that was not a song it was just a line that wasn't giving me anything but more words. I needed a whole verse. More words needed to rise behind my eyes and trace themselves in the dust.

'Trapped all alone,
I want you to stay with me'

So I couldn't keep this purely about the arena, was it just the fear of loneliness that brought the words to my mind? I definitely didn't want to be on my own, not here with all of those people out to kill me. Without Mikhail, Andal and Yaa I would surely have been laying in the dirt if my body hadn't already been taken to the Capitol to be prepared to be sent home. Like it had anywhere to go.

'I thought the Games were death
But they brought me you instead
Please stay, please stay'

Something in those lines told me that I wasn't just talking about friends anymore. I knew myself well enough to know that it was about love, but how was I so blind to my own heart that knowing who I was referring to was impossible. I really needed to look into my own thoughts and find just who made me think like this. I turned my head back to where I had last seen my three allies, wondering if any of them had come to see where I had gone. I saw no one, but the vivid red stains on the Cornucopia made more lines to my song form. Once again, I traced letters into the dirt hoping they would last until I was finished writing.

'Blood coats the ground
And screams are the sound
They're all we hear right now
Tell me we can silence them
I'm sick and tired of violence
Hide me, hide me'

The words flowed from my mind and onto the ground, and through my lips as I muttered the words. I had sunk into the state of mind that allowed me to write, and I enjoyed having this feeling again. It was like there was a touch of normality in a place that conformed to nothing.

'I don't know if I want to win
With all the things that I have seen
Lost in the horrors of the forest'

Was victory really as wonderful as they make it sound? Did I really want to win after I had watched twenty-three other people die? My alliance members would be the hardest to watch fall, and I knew I would forever hate myself if it ended up that I were the one to kill them. I just hoped it wouldn't come to that, maybe we could all die together and be on fair ground because I didn't want to be told I was better than them. Not when they would have been the reason I was alive.

'Severed hands and severed hearts
Traps springing in the dark
Can we keep on fighting?'

Will all of the horrible things that we had done - that I had done - I was surprised all of us had the ability to want to continue. Perhaps our souls were stronger than our minds, but I knew that things much worse would end up happening so I would have to learn to shut up and pull through. There wasn't much else I could do - my own mind refused the thought of taking my own life because I had other people to worry about.

'Another one gone away
More are dying by the day
Can we make it through?'

I was stuck now, having a moment of writers block as I tried to figure out what I could put next. What would fit after a question like that, talking about fighting our way through to the end. My saw glinted as a stray beam of light glanced off of it before being swallowed once again by the fog. Wait, fighting our way through. It was perfect. Once again words started to spill onto the dirt.

'Swing your sword and throw your spear
The battles will not cease here
Fight with me, fight with me'

I gazed at what I had written so far, realizing that I had managed to write three verses and a chorus. I really had entered my writing state of mind, and the words I had traced onto the ground in front of me were ones I actually liked. I hoped I wouldn't forget them, maybe I could find somewhere to write them. But did I have anything to write with or anything to write on? Sadly, I didn't so I would just have to hope I could hold onto these letters in their particular order for longer than the dirt would.