eat your own words // zori

s h a d o w b i s o n

You brought the little cup to your lips and took a sip, relishing the bitter taste of citrus on your tongue. It was such a novelty to have the drink so you limited your sipping. Maybe I can ask Lethe later for some more? The older girl was very nice and always smiled even somewhat warmly to you and Cassie when not talking in a hushed tone to the stylists. Or, you thought, perhaps Cassie would be willing to sneak a cup or two of it up to your room, or you could politely ask one of the Avoxes—

”Hey shrimp.”

Immediately you were aware of a threatening presence right beside you. Anxiety suddenly set in and you clutched the cup tightly in your small hands, not daring to look beside you as the boy continued to speak. But I wasn’t even eating! Not for a while, I mean. But you kept your gaze down, too frightened to look up at the boy. ”No, n-no, I just… was alone to begin with.” Perhaps that would suffice the boy enough to get him to leave you alone, but you doubted it. The tone in which the boy spoke to you screamed predator and you knew he was a threat – you needed to see his face to know who to avoid but you didn’t dare look up at him.

s h a d o w b i s o n

You didn’t know any of this guy’s motives but already he’s gotten under your skin and unsettled you. ”That’s because no one likes you.” The phrase was nothing new, but it still hit home (rather hard, actually) and you shrunk back away from the kid. He did not know you so he didn’t really know how to push your buttons but he was doing a damn good job of it. The familiar hollowing feeling of despair settled in your belly and you dropped your gaze to the little cup of orange juice, failing to not let his stinging words sink in. You didn’t want to succumb and tell him your name so you pursed your lips together, refusing to speak once again.

Memories of the reaping came back to you in a whirlwind. You knew what it was like to be forgotten and have no one even recall your name. Much like no one remembered Andy, nor would they remember you. That boy was right: it wasn’t a surprise that he didn’t know you. You were condemned to being overshadowed like all of Five’s tributes were (poor Lethe) and yes, it did upset you, but you knew there was nothing to be done about it. ”No, I don’t wanna know a secret.” Your voice was quiet and wavered with fear but you were somewhat stern, and you leaned away from the hand next to your ear. Out of the corner of your eye you saw what looked like a malice grin on his face and really began to bother you. "Please go away."

s h a d o w b i s o n

You didn’t need to turn your head to know that this bigger kid was already sizing you up and labeling you as something far lower than him. It upset you, yes – but the feeling had haunted you for quite some time and you were no stranger to it. So you sank lower, away from his burning gaze, trying to find solace in what little personal space you could get from his imposing presence.

”You’re a liar, five. You’re a filthy… fucking… liar…”

The elongated and emphasized words definitely captured your attention. Your head tilted ever so slightly away and you bit your lower lip, willing yourself to not cry. Your eyes stung, however, and you knew it was only a matter of time before hot and salty tears began to stream down your cheeks. Much to your regret you cast a sideways glance at the boy and saw him making motions as if he were cutting out a tongue. The very thought of that torture made you whimper. The Avoxes on your floor were very nice to you but you knew why they were that way: they were abused and beaten into submission and any hint of defiance resulted in even more pain.

The only thing preventing this boy from attacking me right here and now is the delusional image of tribute comradery before the games.

Your father always badgered you about not having a backbone and cowering before everyone who ever threatened you in any way. ”Shadow, you have to stand up for yourself. Don’t let people plow you over like that.” How could you do that against kids twice your size? You could yell and scream and kick all you wanted but he had the ever-so important size factor to throw in your face. The tears continued to stream down your face and you visibly flinched when a fist was slammed down on the table. Now or never, now or never — don’t let him keep doing this. The words were piling up in your throat, pressure building until you just had to scream.

”I am not a liar! I am not! I’m a lot of things, but I am not a liar! What makes you believe that I think your secret is of any value to me? What makes you think you’re all high and mighty, picking on the little guy the way you are?”