her {raven's} writing desk . opal .

I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything
You held me down, but I got up
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground

Friendship was not something Opal Shore had very often. Her first friend had been killed. Her first friend had died by her own hands; her sword had pierced his skin and had ended his life. Xanthus had been her friend; she had stood by him, stitched him up and put him back together when he was hurt. She’d sat with him and spoken to him, when she was sure they should have been enemies. And even when there was everything left to fight for, and so many people left to attack she had turned on him, he had turned on her and they had danced to the death. Every night she was traumatised by his eyes and his words. Opal wished, she wished with all her heart that she could have been stronger for him (screamed less, cried less, been stronger. He’d died by a weakling, something that brave boy hadn’t deserved). But she hadn’t, instead she’d cried, hell she’d screamed louder than she ever had as he had loped her leg off. And then she’d lunged, tears, snot and all before ending a life so much more than her owns. Friends till the very end, wasn’t that the saying? Her first love interest had died bloody and painfully, her body so massacred and destroyed that it was any wonder she was recognisable.

She’d died without saying a word to Opal.

Opal didn’t blame her, though, with the amount of wounds and injuries she’d sustained she could see how the girl had fallen into that endless slumber before she could get there. And then, finally, Drace, the boy she had called a friend, but had instead turned into a slimy little snake. Yes, Opal could say with complete confidence that friendship was not her strong point. But then it never had been, the arena had been a wake-up call, as silent, yet loud and forceful “look-at-me” wake up call that demanded she see what she had not believed. Even back in district one she had struggled with the problem of making friends, every single day weighed down by harsh, insulting words, bullies picking on every single flaw they could find. From her love of plants to her need to isolate herself they found even the most obscure facts something to tear at and pull down for everyone to see. Slowly and surely she was once more building up something she could call friendship.

Yet she was hesitant to allow herself to once more fall into that kind of trap. With Topaz she had fallen head long into that dive, her hands unable to grip anything to stop herself from falling. After her time in the arena she’d almost been desperate to hold onto someone, to lean on them and beg them for help. Topaz had, unfortunately, been the first person to talk to her, and in Opal’s eyes she was the friend she needed and wanted. So she’d clung to her and it was the first time she had allowed herself to just leap onto friendship without thinking about the consequences. But after that she stopped. When Peridot came by she listened, and now, after months of being around the tall, quite boy she was slowly learning to love him and care about him like she had with Xanthus. Last night she’d had an awful dream, instead of Xanthus Peridot had stood before her, and she’d killed him. She'd awaken, chest heaving, heart racing, mind spinning. Tears had clung to her cheeks, and it wasn’t until her heart had slowed had she realised that someone was knocking on her door. Checking her clock she stood up, hurriedly she pulled her hair away from her face before jogging over to her door, hands messily wiping away the tears that clung to her cheeks. When she opened it she jumped backwards, startled by the appearance of a beautiful blonde Avox.

Smiling politely she nodded before gripping the letter the girl offered her. The Avox turned and walked away and she stared numbly at the hand written, curved letters in front of her. Carefully she undid the top before pulling the letter out. The neat hand writing before her was so precise that she couldn’t help, but raise an eyebrow at it. Smiling slightly she began reading, her lips parting slightly in surprise at the unexpected invitation to a dinner with none other than Klaus Goravich. Looking at her clock she gasped in surprise, her feet moving almost instantly. She had slept until five today, her sleeping pattern a giant mess due to her frequent nightmares. Scrambling around the room she grabbed the first things she could find. She paused at the door, combing a hand through her hair before she leapt out of the room and ran to the elevator. Within moments she was at Klaus’ door. Her hand hesitated as she raised it. And then with a tightening of her lips she brought her fist down.

Klaus Goravich answered the door, she smiled at him, drawing her lips into the brightest one she could muster. Stepping inside she turned to him, ”I’m great, Klaus. It is honestly a pleasure to meet you. And thank you for inviting me to dinner.” And maybe, just maybe the dark rings beneath her eyes didn’t spill the true feelings locked within her chest.

You held me down, but I got up
Get ready cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar

I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything
You held me down, but I got up
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground

Opal didn’t know how to respond to the question she was asked. It would have been so very simple to simply smile, nod her head and tell Klaus Goravich that she was the happiest person in living memory to ever wake up in the morning and start her day. It would be so simple to just laugh and shove the question out of her mind before replying with a drawled ‘of course, why wouldn’t I be?’ before changing the topic and directing the conversation straight towards the older victor. All of that would have been so very simple. Any of those things would have made this whole night so much easier, she would have been able to relax and just have fun. And yet as the question escaped his lips and met her in the air she found herself unable to shrug off the uncomfortable idea that no, everything was not alright and that yes, she did need to say something otherwise her sanity might not hold.

But then it had never been an area of expertise for the young victor. She had never been capable of telling her feelings and spilling all the dirty secrets fighting to be kept locked away in her mind. It was a task and a half to simply get her to admit to her parents when she had a raging flu. She had been raised to think that talk of feelings pain and anguish was weakness. And yet in the arena she had been a sobbing mess, of emotions that had broken at the first sign of something difficult. But now with Klaus Goravich in front of her asking her to start talking in such an indirect manner she wanted to keep her lips pressed together, and shake her head and pretend that he had never asked something so dangerous. Besides that fact this was the first time she had ever met Klaus Goravich and even though he was a victor and even though he had been through every single little thing she had faced why was that any reason to open up and just spill it all? That was no reason at all. Yet she had done it with Peri, and she had done it again with Topaz, to people she had hardly known and she had opened up to them like they had lived with her, her entire life. It was cruel and unfair that she might need to depend on other people so much, but weren’t you supposed to be stronger and braver and get better when you told other people your problems?

Weren’t they all there to help you and make at all better, to tuck you in, pat your head and let you know that the boogy man wasn’t going to eat you? Wasn’t that why people were built to listen? Wasn’t that why people asked to know why you were aching in side and how you felt?

Opal had to believe that, it was all she had left to believe, otherwise she would just keep it all locked within her so that no one would ever see it again. Then it would eat away at her and slowly destroy her until there was nothing left at all. ”Happy? I’m really not sure what that word even means. Was it when I was back in my garden spending my entire life looking after plants, being bullied and beaten and bashed daily? Or was it when I was in the arena killing innocent lives? Maybe it was when I finally got away from it all but still had to live with everything that has happened, because no matter how fast I run or where I try to hide it’ll always catch up to me.” There was a stunned silence. She hadn’t realised her hands had been balled up so tightly and slowly she loosened them, stretching them outwards to lie them flat on the table. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t come here to drown you in my own self-pity. My apologise, Klaus.” And then with that she tugged her smile back onto her lips. ”So, how have you been?” She finished it all with a lame attempt at changing the subject.

You held me down, but I got up
Get ready cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar