Vespyr Candlewyck [D5]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,466,true][bg=EDDFC7] vespyr candlewyck

I'm not living my own life. I'm a host. There's a parasite that's living off of me, sucking me dry from the inside. All my life I've been nothing but an empty shell for this monster to live inside. I live in fear that one day I will no longer contain it, and I will die - the horrible alternative taking over my existence.

There are few monsters that warrant the fear we have of them, but he is certainly deserving of my attention. Of course he looks no different from me. The same jet black hair, trimmed short. Identically thin nose and tight lips. Perhaps the only difference is that devilish smile he wears on his face. Maybe the confidence he exudes and the malice in his eyes. We look identical, but you would know just by looking at him that he isn't me.

I'm a chemist. Having left school at sixteen, I've been working at the Institution of Exceptional Young Minds for little over a year now. My professors at my high school described me as a diamond in the rough. I was more creative than precise, or clever. I like to experiment more than I like to record and calculate. I'm a practical chemist. I suppose someone with charisma is needed in a laboratory to bring it to life. It can't be filled with just book worms, after all.

Having said that, I'm not terribly social. I think the monster plays in the back of my mind far too much for me to make friends. I fear what they will think of me, if they learn my condition. I can't predict when or where it will happen, so why even risk a deep conversation with a co-worker when I know that he could escape the prison of my mind at any given time?

I used to be a fun guy. I used to have friends. I'd be the class clown - Arrogant and headstrong... Confident. I suppose that's where he gets it all from. It all dried up after I started having episodes. That was back before I knew that he was a separate personality. I thought it was just mood swings.

People didn't like me when I turned nasty - When he came out to play. I lost my friends. I was so alone for so long, and all I had for company was this demon in my head. He'd whisper to me in my sleep - taunt me. He never liked me, he was never my friend. I'm just a body to him. I'm just taking up the space he wants. I'm so scared that he'll find a way to kill me, so that he can take over. I'm so scared that he'll replace me.

I suppose that my loneliness has a part to play in my studies. I've always enjoyed chemistry, and all the alone time I was getting was definitely an influential factor in me wanting to study harder. Everyone knows I'm different, even at work. They avoid me, which suits me just fine, as I can get on with what I enjoy. Even he enjoys it. I find that if I'm working hard with an experiment, and we switch around, he'll carry right on. Sure, he might be a bit more reckless with the chemicals, but he knows what he's doing. We share the same brain. He enjoys it just as much as me.

I had to give him a name. He wasn't me. My parents knew it - They told me that I had to see a doctor. That was scary, as my parents themselves are doctors. I had to see a specialist. It's a rare condition, of course. Two personalities, one body. The doctor tried to convince me that the other personality - the nasty one - is still me. He was determined to make me see that he's not separate from me, and that this really is just an exaggerated mood change. He was wrong. I'm nothing like that monster. When he comes out, I'm trapped inside my own head, powerless.

When Zephyr is out to play, I'm the one who is locked in a prison, not him. I'm the one screaming to get out. Only, I'll never scream as loud as he does.

here i stand, hold back
so no one can see
i feel these wounds
step down

zephyr candlewyck

Cold and lonely. Trapped in the dark for years and years, being forced to live the life of a moron. I was given a taster of what it could be like to make my own choices. It was never enough. A first it was a few seconds a day, a few moments of madness amidst his drab life. It took years for those precious seconds to grow into minutes, and it took even longer for those periods of freedom to become more frequent. It's still not enough. Even when he is me 30% of the time, it is not enough. I want to be me 100% of the time. I want him to die and me to take over.

I fucking love Chemistry. I love seeing how things react when I intervene. I like playing God, using what power I have to effect the outcome of the universe. I suppose I like to do the same with people. I like toying with them - seeing how they react.

The only thing that Vespyr and I have in common is our interest in Chemistry. We work together when we're in the laboratory. We can switch in the middle of an experiment and continue as if nothing has happened.

His parents hate me. They're not my parents. They never gave birth to me. I was nothing - alone in the dark. I was so cold, and alone until the day I found Vespyr. He was so happy and full of life. I drained him. I used his body. Parasite they call me. Worm. They can call me what they like, because I don't give a damn what anyone thinks about me. When we switch, his parents ignore me, or insult me, or kick me out the house. I can never tell which of the three it'll be, but they rarely do anything else. They're an inconvenience. I'd kill them, but that could send Vespyr into turmoil, and I don't want to do that.

I hate him, sure, but we share a body. I don't want to do something crazy that will send him over the edge. What if he goes insane and that somehow affects how I think? Our brain is the same, so if he's stressed, then I am too. Our emotions are often shared, so grief and anguish could send me mad too. Madder than usual. Then there's the case of the body. If he kills himself, he kills me too. I need this body.

I just need to find a way to get rid of Vespyr, because quite frankly I don't like sharing.

fall, can i break away
push me away, make me fall
just to see another side of me
push me away, you can see
what i see - the other side of me