66th Reaping [D12]

It was a joke for me to be standing here today, it was a waste of my time to be here considering my name was never chosen for this. They always said "May the odds be ever in your favor" but was that TO be reaped or not to be reaped? It never made much sense to me, especially considering I secretly wanted to be in the Games, I wanted to make a better life for my "family" I wanted to give them the things they deserve, the things they always wanted in their lives that I was too poor to give them. They deserved better than me, and to be honest I probably didn't have much time left to live anyways, my medications were running out and I had fallen back into my drinking habit. My way out was the Games, the ultimate form of sudden death, and despite the fact it was a product of the Capitol, I couldn't help but relish the thought of entering the Games and showing them some people in the districts still had spines.

I decided for today's reaping I would dress casual, why bother to look nice for something I'm against, and if on the off chance I get in...well...I'll make my statement known. It was nothing but a simple t-shirt and jeans, definitely not my best, but who cares. Even as I made my way into the district square I felt defiant, I don't usually show my face around here, but as a resident of District 12 it was my "duty" to come here and show the Capitol I respected their power. Of course that was load of crap, I didn't respect them, I didn't respect anyone, least of all the Capitol and its "authority". The only reason I played nice was because Jesse, my girlfriend, would want me to be a good girl, so as not to draw attention to us. I couldn't argue with her there, but I wanted to make a statement and I wanted to make it bold.

After I took my place in the crowd I could say that I felt bold, I felt ready for anything. That isn't to say that I wasn't scared, I was scared out of my mind, this could be the moment that I leave behind the life I've longed to leave behind for so long. Was I ready to leave behind the good parts of my life though, was I ready to possibly leave behind the people I loved and never come back? The more I thought about it the more I didn't think I was, I wasn't ready for this, I wasn't ready to leave the life I had now, as much as I wanted to run I couldn't...I was a prisoner now. My eyes stared straight ahead at the escort, my vision narrowing as the outside world became just him and bowl full of names. I could hear each one of his footsteps as he walked across the platform towards the bowl. Each step matched the beating of my heart and I could feel my anxiety growing as he looked out across the crowd. I could almost feel his cold eyes linger on me, but that had to be my imagination...it wasn't like he knew I was going to be picked.

My breathing became shallow as his hand seemed to slow down, reaching into the bowl and taking out a piece of paper. I could feel my heart rate accelerate and my hand clenched and unclenched at my sides. I wasn't ready for this, as much as I hated the Capitol I wasn't ready, I didn't want to leave all this behind, I wasn't ready to die. I felt like screaming and crying all at once, but I couldn't do that, I had to stay strong, I had to show them I wasn't afraid. If my name is pulled from that bowl I will show them that I'm strong, that I'm not afraid of them. I watched as he uncurled the piece of paper and read the name of the girl who would represent our district. It was my name...Mary Ellen Goulding...I was the new tribute for District 12, but I wasn't ready for this, I wasn't ready. I was frozen in place for a few seconds as I stared blindly at the man holding the paper that had my name written on it.

Stiffly I left the ranks of the girls around me, the impact of this whole situation finally hitting me as I realized this would probably be the last time I ever saw anyone here. I could feel an overwhelming sorrow hit me as I walked up the steps and onto the platform, turning around for all the people here to gaze on me. I lifted my chin and gazed proudly out at them even though my heart was breaking as my eyes settled on Jesse in the crowd. Last games Lucy had been taken away from us, but she hadn't made it home...if I promised Jesse I would come home...would I be able to fulfill that promise?
I wasn't ready to let go though, but I had no choice...I had no choice but to wait as my male counterpart's name was called out, Aidan Grasswood...but I was barely listening anymore. My world was falling apart even as I stood here and was led into the building that would be the last part of District 12 I ever truly saw.

I could feel my heart harden and my mind grow sharp, I couldn't let them take me down, I wouldn't let them see me cry. Closing my eyes I make a silent promise to myself, that I would come back home, that I would see Jesse again and we would have the life that I had promised her so many times. I would come back the Victor of these Games and show the world that size doesn't matter, I would come back the Victor and provide for my family as I should have so many years ago. The name Mary Ellen Goulding would be known throughout Panem, and soon the Capitol itself would know my name. Look out world, I'm coming to leave my mark, for better or worse I was coming, and people would know my name til the end of time.