Jett Hawk [D9]

JETTHAWK

People say I'm quite negative for my age. "You're so negative Jett, you need to lighten up." That's generally what they say, and I don't disagree with them one bit. Honestly, I have every reason in the world to be negative in my opinion. Two of my cousins have died in the games, that's quite a lot when you think about it, there's thousands of kids in the District who aren't related to us and two of them just happened to be picked, two years in a row. Come on, that's got to be the least bit suspicious. Also, life is quite dull here so that's another reason I'm so quiet and negative, life kinda sucks here to be quite blunt. Fuck those guys who say I'm too negative, they don't see things the way I see.

The thing that stands out the most about me is my height. I stand at 6'1 so I guess you could consider me quite tall for my age. I was always the tallest in my class in school people would always look up at me when they wanted to talk to me. But then they said I'd probably stop growing soon because of this huge, early growth spurt. I don't believe them, I think I'm gonna grow up tall and people will keep looking up at me and I'll be looking down on them. As if I'm judging them.

I'm actually quite a hairy person, I way too much on my chest, whenever I'm getting changed people like to say it's like a black bush, they also like to make jokes and say I'm a gorilla. I also have a little bit growing on my face, not a stubble but I men quite a bit, it's not a beard but it's visible, short and black. I should really take care of that soon, maybe start shaving or something. Armpits and legs as well, black body hair sprouting out on them. Some people like to tease me and say I'm a ware wolf which is why I appear so hairy. Not so much on my arms, mostly a little stubble.

I figure it's natural, after all it's not like I'm the only one who has hair growing in all sorts of places, but I just seem to have more than the other guys at work and school which is quite annoying cos it's not like I'm the only one with body hair. I think I'm just one of those fast growers who are lucky enough (or unlucky) to grow hair, grow height and go through changes quicker. Honestly I feel like I should get a bunch of this hair removed but that would be wrong. I'd be a fake, like one of those fake Capitol folk who try to make themselves look perfect. I'm not like them, I won't change things about me, I don't need to change.

You can also notice me by my hair, jet black and curly. It's long, about to the base of my neck. It's always been like that, I never cut it or really do anything to it. It's unruly and messy, and greasy. I mean if you ran your hand through my hair it would be all sticky with grease and stuff. It's cos I spend a lot of time sweating by the heat and a lot of it outside as well. I also have dark brown eyes that look almost black, you can only tell they're brown by really paying attention. My hands are rough and quite big. They're covered in various scars and a few burns (from working in the forge of course) when you work in the forge you can't really expect your hands to be injury free.

In addition to be being tall and hairy I'm also quite stocky, it's from constantly hammering metal at the forge. I'm there for most of my day, sweating, hammering, handling heavy metals, putting them in one place then the next. When I first started they were so  heavy but I got bigger and they got lighter. Constantly hammering the warm metal by the fires. I dunno but there's a certain peace to it, it feels like it's the one place where I belong. I mean I would feel better if I actually got to keep some of the stuff I made but most of the metal work done gets shipped right off to the Capitol; that pisses me off more than anything.

I once questioned the boss about it. "Why don't I get to keep the stuff I make? I worked hard on it!" I complain and the boss doesn't get angry, he doesn't hit me or scold me, he just laughs at me, laughing at my youth and naivety he says. "We give it to them because we have to, better we don't question it or we might find Peacekeepers dragging us onto the street by our hair."

I feel like the flames, hammer and metal are my (second) family, the metal is tough and always challenges me, the hammer is like my best friend, we see each other everyday, we work with each other everyday. It's quite fulfilling if I'm completely honest, making something that's yours. It creates fireworks that bang inside my head and stars of celebration float in my vision when I behold something I made with my own two hands. People say I've grown too attached to the flames but they're so interesting to work with. On cold winter nights I'll be by the forge, hammering away at a hot piece of metal with the flames cackling and then I'll come back home, all hot and sweaty. I don't consider myself a pyromaniac, but fire is useful. I was taught how to make fires with firewood as well by the boss I work for so when it's cold at least it's easier to keep warm at home.

I'm negative, I'm not very violent, I'm not smart and I've never been any good at talking to girls. I've never had a girlfriend because I've just never been confident talking to girls. I'm confident with my friends, I'm confident doing anything else but just not talking to girls. I don't know if that's considered sad or cute, I'm guessing the former, but I can't exactly help it. I guess some people are talented at it and some people aren't, isn't that just the way it goes?

I was never that good in school, to be honest I'm pretty much failing school even though I do attend it. I was always a more practical guy, never academic, I'm more of a physical person than an academic person. To be honest I don't need school, I don't see the point in the capitol trying to make us smarter when we will all get the same boring uncreative jobs. Factory worker, metal work, selling things and that's it. When are we ever going to need to know one thousand times one thousand to make soap? Working in a factory looks quite dull, to be honest I'm surprised everyone else in District nine isn't as negative as me if they just make soap all day. I mean I'm barely any better, I just hammer metal all day until my arms ache but at least I get some sort of satisfaction from it, but those factory folk are probably just stacking one thing on top of another and passing it along. Another reason to be negative, District nine is dull, always the same routine and the same commands, we're like robots.

I feel like I have every reason in the world to be negative. I don't take a very optimistic approach to life because if I did I'd just end up very disappointed. How can you expect me to smile everyday when I live in a world where kids die every year? Even more so how can you expect me to be happy all the damn time and smile when two of my cousins have died in the games. And I'm going to be very blunt, I was honestly expecting them to die in the horrible ways they did. Jabber didn't seem like the kind of guy who would slit throats and smile about it, he didn't really seem much like a fighting guy either, I don't think he had the stomach for gore. I wasn't expecting him to get destroyed first in the bloodbath. I wasn't expecting the little jay to be shot down like it was hunting season. The moment he was taken from out nest, the moment he has to fall or fly; and he fell the first chance he got. Storm was not much different, I mean sure he did make it further, he flew for a bit, he survived in the wild for a bit. He had a good flock with him who fought and flew together. But not even that was enough, the moment he lost his arm on day three I knew he was dead. I don't build up false hope for myself he only had one arm to defend himself with and one arm to swing that over-sized blade of his. And sure enough he died the next day.

I didn't cry, I just sat by the fire I created and said nothing, I tried to act normal. I went to work, swung down my hammer more ferociously than usual, everyone knew not to bother me. I am tall and have a strong, stocky build; I've never been a man for violence (I think I've only been in a few fights in my life) but they were just slightly intimidated I guess, I don't really know why no one talked to me. No one really wanted to talk to me and I didn't want to talk to them it was like a mutual understanding I guess.

I'm the oldest child out of us, I have a younger sister who's only a year younger than me and a younger brother who's twelve, or thirteen, I can't always remember. Aviana (my sister) is quite weird, she doesn't really get out the house much, I find her quite strange and I've always found her to be quite strange. My younger brother, Thunder, is quite depressing. He's always alone, always depressed, I think it's from when Storm and Jabber died. He was always staring at the television during the sixty-fifth, I never could, I didn't have much time with school and the forge. I just tried to get by daily life, hammering away and them going to check the television to see if Storm was dead. I didn't get my hopes up like he did, I knew he didn't have a chance the moment he lost his arm but Thunder wouldn't have it, he didn't eat any food or drink water for a while, it was horrible.

Life goes on I guess, Storm may be dead and there's nothing I can do about it. Maybe if I was a rich Capitolite I could've sponsored him something but I'm not, I'm a poor, stocky blacksmith's apprentice who works in a hot, dirty forge. There's nothing I could have done and I can't blame it on myself. I'm so negative because this world it negative, there's no hope to be completely honest. It's the little things that keep my from doing something drastic, this world is hopeless except for the few tiny things that give me joy, like making something from metal and fire, it's satisfying and it makes me smile. Whenever, I'm not at the forge I'm at school, failing as always but at least when I turn eighteen I can leave, then I can work at the forge full-time and I can continue putting my talents to good use. I can help make stuff, deliver good and messages to people, I can do something. Everything needs a purpose in life doesn't it? In this grey, lifeless world everything needs a purpose but right now I don't have one. But I've always known what my purpose should be; my purpose will be to work with the flames and hammers, hammering metal only to have my things sent to the Capitol or sold to someone richer. It's not the most glamorous of purposes but it's a purpose and maybe a purpose would make this world a little less grey -at least from my perspective-.

I may be negative and I may be not very smart according to some people but I will someday find my purpose; I just need to be patient.