DONE! Lluvia A. Taylors [the Capitol]

Love,

I sit here and write the words again and again. I try to remind myself of the truth. I am losing you, losing you, losing you, lost you... that much I know. But I'm trying. Again and again and again. and again and again and again.

You know why I do this to myself? Day after day it doesn't seem to matter to you. You know why I write these words? Repeat them? Sing them, share them, preach them, pray them, wish them, beg for them, cry for them??? Do you know why, love?

Do you know why?

Do you know why I can't give you up? I can give you up. I can do it. I can give you up. Just watch me. I can't give you up. I can't at all.

Do you know why? Do you know why do you know why do you know why do you know why?

I just can't love somebody else. I love you. I love you so much, my love. All I can think of is you.

I only have eyes for you. Your my whole world, love. How do you not know that?

How could you abandon me so readily? I don't understand you anymore. I'm growing frail with longing. I love you, ripred do I love you.

I guess this is it, huh? I guess we must be through.

You certainly communicated that this week. When I found you in your bed... in your bed with... not even some other woman, you were with some man, weren't you? Is that all I was to you? Fodder? Fuck you fuck you fuck you.

LOVE, WAS I JUST AN EXCUSE? Fuck you. All those nights we sat on that star-crested hill that overlooked the city, my small, pale hands entwined with your own... were those just a cover? Did I mean nothing?

I poured my all into you. I gave all my heart. I gave you everything. I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING!!! Every night I whispered my adoration of you into your ears. I thought I had murmured my way into your heart.

Seriously... what the fuck?

What. The. Fuck.

I love you, and all you ever did was use me.

Well I'm done. I'm done. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you!

I'm sixteen. I live in the most well-off place on probably the entire planet, it was better with you though and I am doing just fine. You see, I'm becoming a model. One of the stylist for the games asked me to be their test subject. To help them sell their line outside of the games.

I don't need you. You're just the past now. You're garbage. Fuck you.

I don't need you. that's a lie

I don't love you anymore. fuck this is so hard.

I don't want you back. You can take your begging somewhere else, asshole. I'm sorry. I swear it, I'm sorry. Can you ever forgive me? I l love you, please. Can you ever love me again?

Look, dude. I'm gorgeous. All the boys want me. Except you. I have played with my fate well and everyone can tell. Look at my hair. Isn't it the finest brown you have ever seen? You can't find that shit in bottles. Or my light green eyes, don't they just sparkle? Don't you fucking say I'm full of myself fuck you.

I wear the latest fashions. I wear the highest heels. I smile the brightest smile.

Fuck, don't look at me. Don't look at the blood on my arms and legs. I swear I didn't start hurting myself because I missed you. I did it for artistic reasons. It's what all models do. Fuck you. Fuck you fuck you fuck you.

What the hell did you mean by "you look like a rabbit?" I'm not a rabbit I'm a beautiful princess. Fuck you. Okay, whatever, my teeth might be big but that's the new hot thing now. If I wanted to change it I would have had surgery ages ago. It's not like I can't afford it.

What do you mean I'm too scrawny? I'm just the right size. I'm perfect. I swear I'm perfect. I'd be more perfect if were still together. My arms may be toothpicks but I got that way out of careful dieting. It's the new plump, okay? We're showing the districts it's okay to be skinny. Skinny is gorgeous, okay? I'm gorgeous. When did you stop thinking that? Ripred, I miss you.

Don't you dare tell me that my laugh is too loud. Yeah, I get excited easily but that's part of my charm. And by ripred I am not too damn sensitive. I am well-rounded, okay? Just because you have the emotional range of a fucking teaspoon doesn't mean we all do. My personality is just right, hot-tempered as it is. I am perfectly sane, thank you very much. Or I was... when I had you.

I am sane! I am. I am sane I am sane I am sane.

I don't need you. I don't. You suck. You smell like farts. Nobody would want you, you pathetic little gorgeous dreamy hunk asshole.

You think my random bursting into song is annoying, do you? I don't fucking care. At least one of us has some personality to them. Some flavor, I like to think. Yeah my whole family is loud, but we can afford to be loud when we're so filthy rich. Look at my cousin Vinnie, he had more money than you could ever dream of. Before he disappeared of course. Why does everyone I love always leave me? What the hell is wrong with me?

I don't need you anymore. Your opinion sucks. You suck. I am awesome, okay? I am better than you. I am I am I am I am not.

Truth is, you're the sane one. I deserve all the hate. The rejection. The name-calling. I'm the idiot. I'm the ugly duckling and you are the beautiful swan... I know the truth, love, I know. I will never be good enough for you.

I will never be good enough for anyone.

I'm sorry.

I still love you.

I guess this is goodbye, isn't it?

Best of luck. I hope you find who you are looking for.
I'm sorry it wasn't me.

Your ex-lover friend,
Princess Lluvia Amitola Taylors