remake : marcela g. skulski • d11 done

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"Marcela!"[break][break]

talk it's always the same. same people and the same lifeless faces pass me every day. the sun rises and then it falls every day and either it rains or it's sunny. everyone does the same thing; hoe and pick, hoe and pick, until the skin of their fingers is wears down to the flesh it covers. still they come back the next day and do it all over again, hoping their bloody fingers would not hurt as much as they did the day before. but i have learned something that these people haven't it always hurts more the day after. each day it just get's worse until grief swallows you up and you just can't feel anymore. i scream, trying to warn them that whatever they do it will only get worse but their vacant faces just look at me with no life. their cold dark eye burn a whole right through my chest. i promised myself i wouldn't be just another shade of grey in a world of black and white.[break][break]

and as much as i tried to be colorful, i blended in with the emotionless faces with blistery fingers working until all i could think about was work. and it kills me, it does. no matter how hard i tried to be a pink or a orange, i was a dull shade of grey or white maybe. so white nobody ever could recognize me. it was like i was invisible. instead of being seen i blended into the picture so perfectly. and because i couldn't accept being just another shade of dark i tried to sink back into the earth. but it rejected me. it spit me right back out and made me face this cold world more naked then i was before. even the higher one wouldn't give me mercy.[break][break]

i thought that maybe i wasn't meant to be one of those pretty girls with the perfect hair, family, and boyfriend. those girls my brother and his friends whisper about in their rooms or while they work will never be me. their tanned skinned and dark hair was no match for my sunburned mouse like hair. mama told me that i was special and i shouldn't worry about everyone calling me names and such on the play ground. "be bigger then them, marci." she would say curling long arm around my body. her soft tone ran through my mind. "it doesn't matter what they say, they are just jealous." i would break from her embrace and run back to shelter from the lies. Who would be jealous of a skinny girl like me? Instead of a brilliant luster from the sun my skin burned after a day outside in the fields. It blisters and bubbles as it shifts from violent shades of scarlet to a ghostly paleness. so many ask me if I feel sick but I say no, however they could be right. maybe I was sick. Sick with the flu, some rare disease, or just sick of the world. no matter how sick I was, no matter how many times I was shunned from the playground and picnics the earth wouldn't take me; it showed no mercy to a lonely girl. [break][break]

every day was like this. In dreams was the only time I had a temporary break from it all when I was younger. But now even my dreams have been corrupted by the evils that plagued the day. the grassy fields were no longer filled with flowers but burning trees coming down all around me. There was no escape. You could run but you couldn't hide, you couldn't save yourself. and when I was done being chased in my dreams I would wake up with a jolt to a hot room in the middle of the night surrounded by two of my four brothers. I would wake up to a completely different kind of nightmare, reality. reality for me was basically like everyone else I know. I would go to school, come home and help in the fields then come in eat then fall asleep and start it all over again in the morning. But it just wasn't the same when you were all alone trying to do it all by yourself. I could count all my friends on one hand and still have room for more on the same hand. Everyone I have ever grew close to left me for something better then a girl that couldn't run as fast. How wants to slow down for someone when you can speed away?[break][break]

As the waves of grain consume the land I watch wishing it would consume me. I wanted to become something bigger. As much as I tried the yellows, blues, and reds become so dull around me. In a sea of grey I wanted to be colorful yet no one expects someone like me to be colorful. Yet I dreamed. Oh how foolish of me it was to dream such a silly thing. So,where deep down my heart told me it was possible but my brain said different. It knew better. It listened to everyone who said that it wasn't possible to be as fast as all the other kids because my legs wouldn't work like that. It was smart. But my heart was daring and curious. It didn't want to settle for what it was given. It wanted to beat hard and run with the wind. maybe one day I will be able to run wild too.[break][break]

"Marcela!"[break][break]

but my daydreams are always cut short by the sharp pitched noise that seems to always follow me. groaning, I sink into the tall grass hoping he won't see me. For a moment no one said anything and I allowed myself to close my eyes, soaking up the sun as the wind blew over me and the grass. But that second of tranquility was terminated by another yelp for my attention.[break][break]

"MARCELA!"[break][break]

my head shit up from the grass to see my brother five feet away followed by a dog. my eyes narrowed and he proceeded to ignored me. He motioned for me to sit up so I did what I was told and motioned 'what' to him.[break][break]

"Mom wants you do go inside for some reason. Probably your day to do laundry."[break][break]

"No it's not it is yours, I get my break."[break][break]

"Well mom thinks different."[break][break]

"Who's fault it that?"[break][break]

"Yours truly. Marci, you aren't even doing anything so you might as well."[break][break]

"Fine."[break][break]

"Plus what's else are you gonna do? You don't even go out." There was a pause. "Oh take the dog back." And he was off just lie, that, running fast through the fields as though he was trying to mock me.[break][break]

I groan and fall back letting the grass consume me once more before I have to get up. The sun shines in my eyes making them squint shut. The darkness closes in and I finally feel at peace with myself being alone. It was like it really didn't matter if I was laying her alone or with someone else. But the peace doesn't exist for very long. it was interrupted by a sloppy lick on my face. Shrieking I grab my dog and try to lift her off me. But she keeps licking until I can't stop laughing. Maybe life wasn't too bad after all. But my brother whistles and she runs away from me leaving me once again and everything goes back to how it was.[break][break]

So lonely. [break][break]

Just me and the earth.[break][break]

But the earth won't take me back.[break][break]

So I sit there in the grass by the willow tree and cry.[break][break]

"MARCELA HURRY UP!"[break][break]