bono woodards [done; d8]

seventeen

male

district eight

odair

I don't understand the way the human mind works. But at the same time I do, so I've come to the conclusion that instead of not understanding the human mind as a whole I simply do not understand my own. That's hardly confusing in itself, seeing as most humans believe to be under the assumption that their own mind is some mystery. They're hardly correct. It's simple enough to understand how a mind works, what makes people tick and what makes them do what they do. No one out there is a mystery wrapped in a puzzle. As long as you know what to look for you can break anyone down. You can tell anyone exactly who they are and what they are made of and how and why they will do a simple action.

Humans are simplistic. They have essential needs that need to be met and they will do what they want to meet them. There are those that find a different way to achieve goals, but in the end we all want to achieve the same thing. When I say all I do not include myself, for I am not one of you. I am a different entity in itself. I don't claim to be some god or hero, I am simply different. There are minds that are somewhat similar to mine, but in the end they will fall to human instinct. Most people reach a decision, when you have choice placed before you you make a choice, because without choices we will never move forward. And if you don't move forwards you will get nowhere in life. This is where I am different.

But in saying this I do believe I am a puzzle. In a way that is confusing itself, because I have come to be able to predict how I will act or what I will do. But the reason why I believe I am a complex puzzle that can not be broken is because I don't understand why I do it. I know how I do it and I can predict why, I just don't understand in the end why I have drawn such conclusions. It is why I change my mind and in the very next second that choice is no longer of consequence and I have leapt onto another.

I am incapable of settling on one decision, and as such I tend not to move forward. I am stumbling along in life trying to find the ultimate answer to one question and one question alone. The worst part is I can't remember the question anymore. So I keep suggesting things to myself and I'll flutter around like a little butterfly, searching for the answer i need until I find it. Then when my mind seems to think that perhaps this is the conclusion I am supposed to reach it'll find a flaw. Everything and everyone has flaws and as such no one answer can be the one that I need. So I have a circle of infinite possibilities and with so many choices to discover and choose from there will never be an answer that will satisfy my needs.

It's an endless cycle, like a never ending chain. I'll find myself an answer and question it, and think perhaps this is the one I need for the question I do not know. And then another question will pop up and I'll stumble on that answer until I wash it away. Another tick in the box, another cross beside a way because I can't figure it out.

It's an art I have down to the bone. I've even come to question my appearance, there are loops in everything, why not even my dirty blonde hair? It's the perfect thing for questioning, it's not blond, nor is it entirely brown, so it could have been either at one point in my life. There are no answers that'll satisfy me, because at times the blonde seems to run stronger, like in the heat of the summer and at other points the brown is deeper. I can question my eyes, are they actually blue? Or are they that grey that settles on a inter's morning just before the sun rises? Or more like the cold steel that covers the buildings? I can question my libs, their continuous growth allowing me to easily question their stability, they cannot remain the same for long before they stretch out. However it has been months since they changed and I stand at a steady 6''. With height comes a storm of problems and from every problem is a question to be asked.

I've tried logical thinking, where I clear away all the rubble until I get a straight answer. But after a few minutes I grow tiresome. There is no fun in a straight out answer, so I discard the information from my mind and latch onto a new idea. My parents and siblings think I'm like a butterfly, always shifting from flower to flower, never staying on one for longer then a few moments. I gain my fill and move on. I'm not sure how I move onto a new question, when I, originally, didn't even know what the first one was. But they slip into my mind, like a falling leaf and I work out a solution. And then I'm not satisfied and I'll find another. The cycle never seems to end because there never is an answer. I think I just grow tiresome and I move on.

I tend to stick to myself, though. It is rare that you will find me socialising much with my family or siblings. There is too much to be done and I prefer the company of myself. Relying on others and their help is a waste of time. The only way to answer these questions is to use my own knowledge and intuition and to remain where I am never moving forward until I am content. They say that is foolish, because it is those that remain in the past who perish, but I disagree. After all aren't our history books filled with just that: the past. So why not remain where I can feel pages of what is to come into the future. I alone can do this.