i think you got the best of me // kaiser + tarquin

Quite frankly, I'm still not comfortable with human contact anymore. My time in the Detention Center fucked me up a bit more than I had expected, though I hadn't expected it to be a walk in the park either. No, my opinion of the DC was already low enough when I was thrown down the stairs in front of my family. I just hadn't thought they could go much farther than breaking my bones or stealing the air from my lungs. I was wrong. I was so very wrong. Some peacekeepers were more cruel, by far. The first one who dealt with me had simply beaten me senseless. It was the second that took it too far, mixing gentle touches and lewd gropes in with his careful torture.

It teaches you not to trust, not to hope, when something so good is suddenly a part of the bad. I'm still uncomfortable even in Tyrannus's arms on some nights, convinced that there is pain waiting just within his arms. Praying I'm wrong isn't going me much good.

I can't deny that I jump at the hand on my ass, skirting forward and out of the grasp so I can turn around and face my assailant. There's a boy, all cheekbones and smug smirks and I would be far more attracted if it weren't for how he snuck up on me. I blink owlishly at him, backing away another step and to the side, back hitting the building facade behind me.

”Sup. You up for a second round?”

My brows pull together and my mouth pops open slightly, confusion flitting through my head. What the hell is this boy on about? I swear, everyone in the village is either horny or depressed to hell after their matches. There's no need to guess about the one before me. My hands twitch nervously by my sides, grazing the wall at my back as I lean against it, as if it will help ground me in some way.

"Uh. Excuse me?"

”Come on. You know what I'm talking about.”

I snap my jaw shut, sucking in my bottom lip for a moment as I stare at him. Quite frankly, I haven't the foggiest clue what in seven hells he's talking about. For his sake, and my own, I wish I did. I can feel the awkward nervousness of public conversation creeping up on me, swamping through my stomach and leaving me feeling cramped and tense. My back straightens a bit as I try to stand taller, make myself more than I am, just to seem a little more real.


"I'm afraid I don't-"


"Sex."


A nervous flush heats up my face quicker than I can stamp it down, a hand clenching in my shirt. I think back to yesterday (I haven't been in this district that long...), trying to think of any lapses in my memory, but there isn't anything to suggest that I had gone and had sex with this boy without remembering it. And I think I'd remember it. (Not like there are other times to remember.) The thought sets my face aflame again. No, I didn't have sex with this boy. I had been in practice most of the day. By the time I was done, I was so exhausted that all I wanted was to curl up with Ty, but I was asleep in bed before I could find him. 


I raise an eyebrow, taking a breath in through my mouth as a somewhat amused expression settles on my face. This guy has probably gotten wasted at the parties and hooked up with so many people over the past day or two that he's gone absolutely balmy.


"Yeah, no, I don't think..." I begin, my voice a little breathy with a bubble of laughter. How much did this boy drink to make him think that someone looked enough like me to- I feel my chest constrict a little at the thought, sentence spilling from my lips with hardly an audible sound as the air is sucked from my lungs for an entirely different reason. "...I know what you're talking about."