i cry for all that is real {trix/ruze} jb

rook
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who needs another thing to be sad about?

i cry for all that is real {trix/ruze} jb Sept 22, 2014 3:43:57 GMT -5

Post by rook on Sept 22, 2014 3:43:57 GMT -5

PATRICIA VALFIERNO

Living in a cruel world, drudging with my feet in the snow
On a day out, and it's a night now
Doctor, I've been walking by the side of the road
For a long time, and I'm going out of my mind.

The mask I wear now is composure. Composed because I cannot let my little sister see what I have become. I am so very human at this moment, and if Rose sees me as anything less than the superhero she knows I am, then what hope does she have? All my life I have been looking after her, caring for her in place of our Ripred-forsaken parents. I am not just a sister to her - I am her rock. She depends on me so much, even if she doesn't know it. I mean, she's gained so much independence in recent years, but without me how will she cope? How will she fend for herself. She has no one else. No one.

And me. I am going to die. I keep looking at my palms, and I know they are not hands that could strangle someone to death, or wield a weapon. I am not a killer, and to survive the Games you need to be a killer. Simple as that. I almost laugh - That's the one mask I could never wear. Even if it meant dying otherwise, I still wouldn't put it on. Taboo mask. Murder mask. I could never become that, even if temporarily. I just couldn't. So, I'm as good as dead, then.

A Peacekeeper opens the door and sneers at me. I aggressively dry my tears with my sleeve, not wanting to look weak in the slightest. He informs me that my sister has arrived, and so I take a deep breath. I put my composure back on, swallowing my anguish like a pill.

I erase all the negativity inside me. I suck it dry, until I am a vacuum. Every burning emotion put to one side for the sake of my little sister. She can't see me as weak. I'm Trix, part of the infamous double-act Trix n' Ruze. I'm everything she aspired to be - Looked up to. I was a mother to her when our parents walked out on us. So for her to see me upset and broken would give her no comfort, and that's all I want - Rose to be comfortable with what's going to happen.

She walks in, still in her Reaping garb. She looks so pretty and innocent in her white dress, even though I know she can be cruel and sinful when we are on a heist. All that confidence in front of criminals and crooks, I know that she could not reproduce it again - Not now that I am dead. Her backbone and grit stemmed from me, I am sure. She knew I would always look after her, and so she never worried. Me? I was always full of worry. The world is cruel and unforgiving. The man who took us for everything we had, he is but an example of the scum in this world. If I hadn't taken the initiative like I had on that day, we would have absolutely nothing. My stomach churns and tides as I think of all the men who could take advantage of little, vulnerable Rose Valfierno.

"Just my luck, huh?" I try to smile, but it is broken and sad, "Ah well, I always hated this District anyway!" I laugh, but my voice cracks and breaks. Composure. Put the mask back on. I put a hand on her shoulder, before pulling her to me in a soft embrace.

Sitting on a rooftop, crazy days are coming again
I'll be running, but I'll be hidden in the masquerade
So far from me now, but oh I can hear the sound
Can't you hear the bells singing alone? You will hear it on the radio

words: 570, graphics: rook
theme: hear the bells by porter robinson

an hourglass is just a glass with sand inside

Kire
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thinking about thonking

i cry for all that is real {trix/ruze} jb Sept 22, 2014 15:04:50 GMT -5

Post by Kire on Sept 22, 2014 15:04:50 GMT -5

Does, Says, Thinks

Trix was waiting for her, or maybe it was Patrica. No, it would be Trix. If she knew anything about her sister it was that she was determined to take care of her - and right now she didn't care if it was an act, she just wanted her last image of Trix to be the strong sister she had always looked to be. The peacekeepers were assholes, as usual, though one of the younger guys at the front entrance was easy enough to wheedle into giving her some extra time. Maybe it was the dress she wore, or how obvious it was that she had just been crying. No matter what it was, he was enough of a sucker that she got what she wanted. It wasn't like she was cutting into anyone else's time anyway, she was the only person Trix had - and the opposite was true too, true enough to leave her shaking from the idea of it settling in her bones.

It was all she could do to save face in front of her sister, Trix looked like she was trying to hack into a difficult system - perhaps she was trying to rewire her heart, try to save even a little bit of pain. "Just my luck, huh?" She says, but the falsity is obvious because her smile isn't even that. It looks more like a crack in her face, a crack in the mask she always wore. Ruze knew her sister's disguises for the most part, but what scared her was what she saw between the breaks. Patricia was falling apart, the gravity of the situation pulling at her until she began to fracture. It was difficult for Ruze to see her sister like that, and even Trix's attempt at lightening the mood fell like a stone. "Ah well, I always hated this District anyway!" Trix's laugh was like broken glass, too forced and too broken. She half expected to see her sister start to cough up blood - and she might in not too long.

Patricia smooths her features in the way they had learned, and suddenly her mask was perfect again - almost. Ruze waited in desperation, not knowing what exactly she was looking for, when her sister's hand was placed on her shoulder and she was engulfed in Trix's arms. It felt safe there, safe like it probably would never feel again. She was losing her partner and it wasn't going to be something as simple as finding a new one. There was no replacement for Trix, and there never would be.

She clung to her sister, never wanting to let her go. Hell, she would have gone into the arena with her if that's what it would take. "How am I supposed to con people without you?" Her tone told that the real question was 'how can I manage on my own?' but just as Trix tried to protect her from her fear, so Ruze tried to hide her own despair. "What am I going to do now?" It was too hard to keep the question back and so it slipped from her lips in a quiet voice.

Trix may have been able to replace her mask but she felt like she could only wear her own face - the face of a scared little girl. It felt wrong to be wearing her own skin, like she had just torn a favorite shirt and couldn't wear it anymore. No disguises came to her, nothing to embody or hide behind. Rose Valfieno was left as herself and it scared the hell out of her.

On hills and waves on stormy days.

rook
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who needs another thing to be sad about?

i cry for all that is real {trix/ruze} jb Sept 23, 2014 12:09:21 GMT -5

Post by rook on Sept 23, 2014 12:09:21 GMT -5

PATRICIA VALFIERNO

Living in a cruel world, drudging with my feet in the snow
On a day out, and it's a night now
Doctor, I've been walking by the side of the road
For a long time, and I'm going out of my mind.

Here in my mind, I am in such pain. It's an infinite plane where I am untouched and alone, but then, who wants that? You are external because you crave company and attention, but then you don't want to ruin that either. You are internal because you feel that your external expression will hurt others. Bottle it up. Lock it away. Everyone's happier that way. Such a waste of emotion.

My sister, Rose - I think she knows what I am feeling. She knows me better than anyone else in on this damn rock. I persist in being composed and brave, but why? Why hold back emotion when the one person I can trust is right in front of me. If I can't break down in front of her, then I can't break down in front of anyone. Call it a bitter pride, but I bite down on my tongue and fight back the tears - This mask is staying on, because I am strong. I will not cry. If I am going to die, it's going to be fighting. That's what we've always done, right? We are survivors.

"How am I supposed to con people without you?" She says, trying to copy my mask, when all we both want is to break down. Like her career is what she's worried about - I'm her sister, and I'm being sent to my death. I see right through her, and vice versa. It's pointless. Maybe we're competing to see who can stay calm for the longest. Like we're playing a silly little game. "What am I going to do now?" She says in a hushed voice - a plea?

I smirk. The mask I wear is ignorance - Pretending everything is okay. Refusing to acknowledge my death sentence.
"Figure it out." I smile again, forcing it painfully. Part of me knows she'll be okay. She has become increasingly independent. The more I tell myself that, the more relaxed I become with all of this. Rose is a strong person, perhaps stronger than me in many areas. I only see my flaws, and cover them. It's what I'm good at - Not being myself.

Sitting on a rooftop, crazy days are coming again
I'll be running, but I'll be hidden in the masquerade
So far from me now, but oh I can hear the sound
Can't you hear the bells singing alone? You will hear it on the radio

words: 361, graphics: rook
theme: hear the bells by porter robinson

an hourglass is just a glass with sand inside

Kire
Retired Staff

2,937 POSTS
Pronouns: she/her
last seen Jul 16, 2015 21:45:21 GMT -5

thinking about thonking

i cry for all that is real {trix/ruze} jb Sept 24, 2014 11:53:07 GMT -5

Post by Kire on Sept 24, 2014 11:53:07 GMT -5

Does, Says, Thinks

She knew that Trix saw through her question, it wasn't as though she had tried to hide it. With her real self so exposed it was a wonder that she even had to say anything at all. Trix knew her so well that she probably could have guessed, word for word, what she would have said. The smirk on her sister's face gave her an odd feeling, like she was being blocked by a wall. It wasn't something she liked, and she gripped Trix's hand hard to try and maintain the connection.

There was a denial in Trix's eyes that explained some of what was going on, but even that revelation didn't settle Ruze. If anything, it made her more uncomfortable - if Trix was denying what was coming that means she must be scared out of her mind. For as long as she could remember, her older sister always faced things head on. Anything different meant something was really wrong.

Not like it could get much more wrong than this, having sister ripped from the arms of sister so that one had to watch the other fall into death's clutches. It wasn't fair and it wasn't right. She tugged lightly on the hand she gripped, hoping to pull Trix so tight to her that they would either have to both stay or go. ""Figure it out."" Sadness filled her to hear the indifference her sister tried to put into her tone and it physically hurt to see the strained smile on Trix's face.

Again she tugged at her sister's hand. "You're the clever one though, I just batted my eyelashes and twirled my skirts." Her voice was a mouse's squeak, small and fearful. Whining and crying would not help her, and neither would it help Trix. Choking the fear down, she looked at her sister with as brave a look as she could manage. "Then you better figure out a way to get back, because I don't want to lose you."

It was getting the tiniest bit easier to be Rose again, but even in front of Trix it was hard to show so much of her old self - something that she kept hidden even from herself. It was hard to look in a mirror and see Rose when all she wanted to see was Ruze. Ruze was the girl who could live on her own, could make her own way, but only with the help of Trix. Now she was left as little lost Rose, innocent and vulnerable in the cruel world.