bones { finn vs galaxy, day 8 }
Dec 17, 2014 1:00:18 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Dec 17, 2014 1:00:18 GMT -5
[presto]  [/presto] |
F I N N
I'm so goddamn thirsty.
Nobody else died last night.
I'm all alone, and so are three others.
These are just facts at this point, the same way that Stella's body is cooling off back in district eleven to room temperature and that I'm shaking. I've been shaking for the past four days, and I don't know why. I'm no longer scared, not scared to die or to live. They're both equally terrifying, and I've realized that. There is no release, with every passing day I'm just more tired, but once I die it's nothing. Absolutely nothing, and that's not release. That's prison. I never moved last night from that spot after I tried to bash my head in, there was no point to. There was no point in moving, or in drinking, or in trying. I stayed on my back that night with the conch in my left hand and my knife in the right, carving into the ground.
(Never-)
It hurts so bad, after eight days. It hurts to breathe and to exist, and my joints feel like they're unraveling almost, breaking apart as if their will is dissolving with Stella. Time is eroding - the waves against the shore, the seconds against my bones. I'm dead already. I never knew it, but I died before I even volunteered. There never was a point in coming here, there never was a body to save, a soul to help. There was just death, (Esme, Stella,) there was only the crashing of swords like tides against the shore of flesh.
(fuck-)
Every day more is a death wish I think, just by breathing I'm tempting fate. Hopefully they're getting pissed, maybe I'll get lucky this time. I've fought leviathan and rats and Stella's and devils, and I'm still standing. One leg, nine fingers, one eye, four weapons, two dead allies, I'm still standing. (Why are you still standing dead man?) Because I must.
(with-)
The main thing I think I've learned by coming here was that blood is awful. It tastes rough, bitter, and there so much of it. There's just so much blood in people, twenty four bodies, twenty four times the amount of blood, there's so much of it. I miss being ignorant of the pain, of how much it hurts to make others bleed and how much it hurts to bleed yourself. I was so ignorant, and it's painful knowing.
(a-)
For hours I've been paranoid I think, shaking and screaming in my sleep because when I wake up I still hear echoes of them. For hours I've seen Cha and Stella and Esme and Asa and Barnabas on the ground bleeding into the slime and I'm sat carving into the ground six simple words to get me through just one more day, week, month, year, eternity. I've stabbed the ground so many times I feel like I'm qualified to pass as a career - a knife, an axe, a sword, a spear. The knife is easiest to carve with, and I wish I never had a reason to know that. I wish I had never picked up a spear that first day, or the sword and the knife day five, or Stella's axe.
(dead man.)
I wish I hadn't jumped when I saw her - red hair, I wish I never saw it. I wish I hadn't have screamed my self awake, and just let it think it was Cha again. I'm shaking as I stare her in the face, because I haven't seen her since the day I lost Cha. She killed Cha, this bitch took her. (I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you) I'll be the last fucking thing you see, because you "never fuck with a dead man."
"DON'T FUCK WITH A DEAD MAN"
[finn attacks galaxy]
tphRjIrT200+1000
[1044 -- Shallow Cut on Left Calf -- 3.5 damage]
