slowly moving in the back of my mind {patricia/diamond} {VT}
Jan 5, 2015 9:30:43 GMT -5
Post by rook on Jan 5, 2015 9:30:43 GMT -5
♕ { p a t r i c i a v a l f i e r n o} ♕
victor of the 68th annual hunger gamesi will carry you and give you life
i will cover you and show you the way
it's a sequence that you never learned
it's a lesson I will never forget"Sandwich?" I'm offered a platter. I sigh, already growing tired of my Victory Tour, two hours in. Someone made all these sandwiches for me, and I'm not even that hungry. There are kids living in the mud in Five who would do anything for a sandwich. There's no point in pondering on it though. I'm lucky to be here. I shouldn't be complaining about each and every thing. It's only for a couple of weeks, then I can go home, back to Rose. Hopefully I can start my life again. Part of me doubts it.
I examine the range of fillings, some brightly colored, some stuffed with pastes. None of it looks natural. My stomach grumbles. I am hungry now that food is in front of me. I reach for one, but pause. I remember my first day in recovery, they would only feed me food out of a tube, to ease me back in. After a week they said I could eat anything. I gorged myself on rich, luxurious foods. I won't make that mistake again, because I was vomiting all afternoon.
"Got anything normal? Like ham?" I ask the Capitol worker, who is part of a twenty-person team hired to tend to all my needs on the tour. Camera workers, make-up artists, fashion experts, chefs, media representatives, oh and Peacekeepers to keep an eye on my actions. All these people being employed to limit my freedom as much as possible. I'm their walking, talking doll.
"We have gammon, with mustard." He tells me, gesturing to pink, fleshy meat, topped with yellow paste, all crammed between two pieces of bread and cut into quarters. Mustard. I turn my nose up, but when I look at the other sandwiches on offer, I figure that I can't do much worse.
I polish off a few sandwiches, which are tangy, but the flavor of the meat is enough to make them bareable. The hole in my appetite seems to have filled, but there's this anxiety preventing my stomach from settling. I take a deep breath and drink some more water. The driver announces over the intercom that we are ten minutes out of District One, and should get ready. I walk to the window, peering out at the passing countryside. It's definitely more built up than Five. They say of the three Career Districts, One is the most glamorous. The people here don't take themselves too seriously, and have freedoms that the people of less fortunate Districts can only dream of. Most families are rich, and the Careers are less intense, but still of a high quality. Pearl was none of those things. She was just a normal girl. I guess that even in places like One, underdogs still exist.
I can't get Pearl off my mind. It's understandable, given the part she played in my survival, and that in ten or twenty minutes I'm going to have to speak about her to thousands of people. Still, I can't start overthinking what happened in the Arena. I'll get emotional, and balls up the first speech of my tour. I hope that whatever heaven she's in now, she'll understand. She was good at understanding.
The Peacekeepers watch my every movement, never letting me out of their sights. It's frustrating, but something I'm going to have to get used to. The thought of that rose on my bed in the Capitol is enough to make me want to throw up those sandwiches. I was nothing but a rebel since the day I was Reaped, and although the Games are over, my survival is still in the balance. I have to behave, because it's not just my life on the line anymore, but Rose's too. That, perhaps, is more frightening than being in that cave.
Suddenly everything's black. Something grips my chest, and I stumble, hitting the metal wall of the train. My heart races, my breath quickens. I reach for something to hold, but all I can feel is the wall and the floor. Something's definitely on my chest. I scramble on all fours, and then something grabs my arm, yanking me to my feet. The light comes back, and it's a Peacekeeper who steadies me. I jumble my words, trying to make sense of what just happened.
"Relax, we just went through a tunnel." He says, his voice irate and short. All the Peacekeepers and media team are looking at me like I'm mad. I look around from face to face, my brow furrowed and my mouth half-open. A tunnel? That's why everything went black?
I shrug off his arm.
"Right. Yeah." Stupid me.
We arrive in the station, to hoards of people at the windows. I take a deep breath. This place really is no better than the Capitol. People here celebrate Victors like celebrities, thinking that they are icons of fashion and talented athletes. The Peacekeepers pull back the doors and I'm pushed in the back, marshalled forwards. I smile nervously. It's still far too soon for any of this. I needed six months at home before I was ready for this, not a few weeks. It's out of my hands though, so there's naught to do but to get on with it.
I make my way to the stage, the Capitol's assigned speech at the front of my mind. The media team made me say it again and again until it was perfect down to the last syllable. I get a generous applause. Perhaps they remember my friendship with Pearl. Perhaps they're just being polite. I don't care about the masses, only the family I see across from me.
"Thank you, District One," I say with little enthusiasm, "I am pleased to be standing here today as Victor of the Sixty-Eighth Hunger Games."
All I get is blank faces, unreadable every one. I try to pretend I'm on the train again, reciting the words with the team.
"But my Victory is not without sacrifice. Your District lost two Tributes, one of which was the bravest person I have ever met," I go off script, and get a few white helmets turn in my direction. I swallow hard, feeling a buzz in my stomach. Oh, how I could destroy the Capitol right here. How I could spark this crowd into a frenzy. I remember the rose on my bed, and restrain myself.
"Kendrick and Pearl were both strong fighters, and did your District proud. However, we must not forget why they had to be sacrificed. We all owe a debt to the Capitol, and this is how we pay it." I return to the words they told me to say, the murmurs behind me cease, and I relax a little more.
"Panem today, Panem tomorrow, Panem forever." I say slowly, judging the reaction. A standard applause is my reward for being a puppet. I already regret calling Pearl brave, knowing that it will have implications when the proceedings are over today. I owed it to her though. She was all I had in that fucking cave.
Peacekeepers escort me away from the microphone, as the large crowd disperse, heading back to their homes.
"The Millisons have invited you to dinner at their home, we will be escorting you there shortly." Someone tells me. I don't even look at them, I just nod, and let them guide me off the stage and into a carriage.i can hear you in the overtones
just an echo of the promise we made
change the future, we can travel time
or make us blind so we can never look backword count: 1223, graphics: rook
theme: night sky by chvrches
