Let's Share This Castle / / Pryatt / / Day 4

We all ran in different directions, but eventually we were going to find each other and move on. Move on because if anything, that last fight showed us that if we wanted to be the last remaining tributes in the arena, we needed each other. Once we had obtained that goal, then it was all up in the air. I told myself I was going to die in this arena, the second I heard my name. And yet I was still fighting, already halfway through. A good show, that’s really all it is. A smirk grew on my face as I thought about the past few days.

“Have I accomplished what you wanted? Did I give you a good show?” I chuckled as the words left my mouth, knowing they would be unanswered. Oh Mother, did you ever think your little boy was going to be a killer? Yes, I was a killer in every regard. I had killed mutts, I had killed tributes. After the District 5 boy went down, I no longer blinked when I swung my ice pick. I no longer cared whether I was attacking human or animal. Someone once told me humans were animals and I scoffed at the idea, because equating me to an animal seemed so untrue at the time. No one was hunting me down and killing me.

Until the past few days. I was both hunted and hunting as humans—no, animals—swung at me with whatever weapon they could get their hands on. But not one of my attackers could wield their weapons the way I held my ice pick. Sure, they had a few good hits on me and I had a few bad ones, but none of it could tear me from the feeling of connectedness I had with my ice pick. If I made it back to District 7, I knew I was never going to be able to hold an axe the same way again.

My place wasn’t in District 7, though. I would eventually die in this arena, hopefully later in the Games when I had proved my worth to everybody. I walked through the ice castle, wondering if this was going to be my final resting place. It’s just a business trip. Those words had gone through my head as I sat in the train on the way to the Capitol, reminding myself not to get attached to anyone. I was mostly successful with that: my allies were hard to get attached to and I made no other relationships worth caring about. Except one.

I saw him standing there in the throne room and I couldn’t help myself. Feelings, feelings I didn’t understand because I had never experienced them with anyone before. Was it love? No, I was far more rational than to think I could be falling in love. My father fell in love with alcohol; it ruined him. My mother fell in love with my father; he ruined her. Love was nothing but a vicious cycle that only led to ruin. And yet, I could not keep thinking this was a business trip whenever I was walking with Prism, fighting with him next to me. Of all my allies, he was the one I cared about and could trust. I wanted him by my side.

I smiled my usual half-smile as I put the ice pick in my bag; there was no need for me to have it out when it was just Prism in the room. There could have been an ambush for all I knew, but I didn’t want to let Prism think I thought he would attack me. No, I trusted him far more than I should have let myself. I kept my arms folded behind my back as I walked toward him, staring at every part of him and wishing I had could shoot some webbing at him and pull him closer to me. I would have been a liar if I said I hadn’t noticed what Prism had been doing the past few days, but for the first time, we were truly alone and I felt like I could be okay.

“Good,” was the only response I had for him as I stopped right in front of him. I was not an emotional person; I did not know how to continue. “You know, what you did earlier today, that was sneaky. Looks like I’ll have to keep an eye on you from now on.” My half-smile grew as I wanted to do more. My hand gripped my other arm tightly behind my back to keep myself composed, but I knew that if he tried anything, it would be over. No! Remember what happened to Mother. But I would not let it ruin me, not when I only had a few days left.

The feeling was electric, so much so that I wanted to tell Prism to use it to light a cigarette, but we had nothing. No smoke to envelop us to keep it just between the two of us. All that was left was the feeling of wanting to do something anything but not knowing how far to go. This isn’t romance. No, a romance could not be built within the span of a few days, but there was no denying that my body and mind were responding differently to Prism than anyone I had met before.

When he asked those questions, I had to admit I didn’t know how to respond. I thought I was finally taking control of this conversation, but it seemed to me like he knew what he was doing and I was just his pawn. And the worst part was I didn’t mind. Never in my life had I been okay with someone else taking control. Never in my life had I been okay with just going with the flow. Being out of control equated with being weak and—well, I was being weak for him.

He walked up closer to me and my body stiffened as I realized that the heat I was feeling was his body heat and man, did it radiate. No, I wouldn’t stop you. I wouldn’t want to stop you. Everything that I knew about myself was gone the minute he took one more step closer to me, placed his hands on my chest. Could he feel how fast my heart was beating at the center of my chest? Would he be the one who put a knife there? My eyes couldn’t leave his as his lips came closer, closer, and closer.

Dammit, Wyatt, keep it together! Get back in control! But while my mind was still logical, rational, my body had forgotten everything I had gone through in life to make me who I was. I could only stare for a few seconds longer before I caved completely and pressed my lips against his, wondering how the hell did I get to this place? It wasn’t long—I really had no idea what I was doing—before I pulled back slightly and grinned. “Your turn.”

This.

I couldn’t think as I kept waiting hoping for something more to happen. Everything about this was dangerous: the vulnerability we exposed and the attachment that was surely building. I knew that one day one of us would have to leave the other, but that didn’t stop me from capitalizing on the moment when I pressed my lips against his. And now that I could think a little more clearly—and only a little more because he was standing so damn close to me—I knew that it would have to end.

But not this minute, not this hour, and hopefully not this day. I wanted one full day for just the two of us, even if it meant that we would have to go our separate ways the next day. One day to say that I came close to being the dreamer my Mother was. She fell in love with a man captured by a drug; I was becoming infatuated with one. If we had lived under different circumstances, a different setting, maybe I would have one day fell in love with him. But this feeling, the beginning of something, was more than enough for me because I knew I would not come by this feeling again.

Everywhere he placed his hands, I could feel my skin redden as they moved from my chest up to my neck. His breathy words struck a chord inside of me as I knew what was coming yet could not anticipate it at all. He made the move this time and I knew that I was hooked. Doubt would have to come later as his lips touched mine and I could feel my whole body responding. I wanted to be synchronous to him, to dance the same dance that he did until our time was up and we would have to leave.

I was in the stars and they could not tear me from him.

One of my arms circled around his waist as I pulled him slightly closer to me, responsive as ever. Just as he had me in his hands, I would have him in mine. Nothing can stop us. I truly believed those words as I deepened the kiss, holding on to something that could otherwise have been fleeting, acting on something that would not last forever. Depending on the definition of forever. It was true that I wanted to get lost in him, to find myself stuck in a maze that he put up and never try to leave. But I couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that my senses were not shut off—they had become heightened.

I needed him for something, something that I did not understand.