Scarlet Cintruli {District Three} Finished

Appearance:

     Honestly I am not sure where to begin, its not like it matters I hate all of myself anyway... First of all I guess I can point out my hair. I have been told falsely by several courting males throughout the years that my hair reminds them of short tendrils of pure golden sunlight. Some people have also pointed out that my light hair perfectly brings out the intensity within my amber colored eyes. Yet what surprises me most of all is some people actually compliment me on my crooked smile. I know for a fact it is hideous since I ripped my lips open in an incident with my mother many, many years ago therefore all these compliments upon them surely are nothing more than lies told to try and cheer me up, yet they never do work.

     As for my clothing well it sure as hell isn't flashy or even notable. I will do whatever it takes to keep all the eyes off me, less attention the better. No one really needed to see my thin frame of a five foot eight inch tall woman. Anyway back to my clothing I typically where long gowns with sleeves that cover my arms. Now some may question that this kind of attire would attract attention yet not when I insist that I only ever where either grey, light blue, or black dresses. When people see colors as dull as these they know that there is no purpose in looking at the hideous woman hidden within them. 


Personality:

    In case you haven't figured it out yet I have serious confident issues due to many things that occurred in my past, mainly because of my mother. Anyway, I just have never been able to accept anything positive about myself. Even when I look in the mirror at myself and I truly try to see the beautiful girl guys have called me I just can't. I always find myself turning away with tears brimming in my eyes. It's not that I want to be this way its just I can't find a way to accept myself. I always just feel like something is wrong with me or that whatever I do I am going to mess up in some kind of manor. 

    Due to this aspect of my personality I hate to admit that I am rather depressed. Not just the way to "get attention" as some people would rudely say. I truthfully long and strive to get better and to think positively but I literally can't find the answer. Everything always just feels so dull and that no light can touch me deep within the sanctions of my sadness. I have tried time after time to see people to help me but every time I can't stop my sadness from controlling me. All I want to be is to be able to notice the good in life but I can't and it hurts me that I don't have that view of life but I just can't find away out of the cell I am trapped within. 

    Then as if that wasn't already enough I am the biggest coward I know. Never once in my life have I stood up to anyone. I have always been a push over whether it be when someone forces more work on me at the school I teach at or whether it was when my mother would scream her horrid thoughts about me in my face. I never could find the inner strength to open my mouth or move my body to do/say something. Even when I feel like I want to do something I cringe away at the idea of failure. Maybe one day I will find my inner courage or perhaps I will be fearful my entire life, I suppose only time will tell.

History:

    So I suppose I should explain all the things about my mother I have eluded throughout these passages. To begin I should explain that I was born into a highly wealthy family in District Three. My father owned nearly half of the hover craft factories and as expected the income was monumental. However, two years after the birth of my younger sister Celicia my father died in a horrible factory explosion. Yet it wasn't even his loss that sent the most fear running through my seven year old bones. It was the thought of being left along with Celicia to battle the beast of our mother. At least while our father was alive he counter balanced mother's cruelty, but with him gone everything changed for us.

    To mother showing off our best qualities was by far the most important thing. She didn't love my sister or I in the slightest way. The only reason she had married my Father in the first place was to acquire his wealth and once he died she planned for both Celicia and I to follow in her footsteps. After his passing she removed us from school for only private home schooling. For Panem's sake she locked us away in our manor never to leave unless for a reaping or with her guidance. While being locked inside she would scream at us horrible things. She would beat us whenever we weren't perfect ladies. Even to this day I have scars from her harsh lessons. Too make things worse if I ever stepped out of line to protect my sister I was beaten even worse. For example, when my Mother went to punch my sister with her hand covered in pointed rights I pushed my sister out of the way. The flow struck me straight on the lips ripping them wide open and instead of caring for me my mother spit on me and screamed how much of an ugly weakling I was and would always be. 

    Even in my late twenties I was living with my Mother since I simply couldn't land a job other than teaching and thanks to my confidence problems a wealthy husband was hard to come by. My sister was the only saving grace through it all. Thankfully for herself she married a very wealthy Nixton man and had two gorgeous children which I care very deeply for. Even with my Mother stating how much better my sister was I never cared, I would always love my sister, even after she drew her final breath in her daughter's birth. My Mother luckily has died since my sister's death so I have been left with the manor and the small fortune my family still owns. As for love though, I doubt it will ever touch my unreachable heart. 

OOC: About the depression she faces I just wanted to state it is not intended to offend anyone. I too have found myself depressive and I know it truly is a struggle so I mean no harm or anger to anyone reading it.