Gaia Hammerfell :||: D2 :||: FIN

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I took pride in my appearance, most women didn't have the drive to look like I did. For most women it wasn't physically possible to have a body like mine. I stood at the height of Six foot even. I towered over most girls, and matched up with the average sized male. I had the structure of an ancient goddess. Built in every way, never to be put at a disadvantage because of my gender. I laughed in the faces of some of those wimpy looking males. How much potential they had just from being born a boy. I had to work to be able to compete in the same level as them. It was simply handed to them, yet they took it for granted. Males where simply toddlers their whole life's, pathetic in nature. Well that is of course except for my brother Mason, now he was worth a second look. His strength and dominance drove me to want to beat him, though I never could, just being able to compete was enough. 

I was 185 pounds of muscle. Every ridge of my body toned. My face smooth, my hair long and raven black. My eyes a dark auburn, and my skin a burnt bronze. I had a rather boyish chin, it seemed to widen with my neck and shoulders. I use to care about the changes of my body, but now I have realized that beauty was a waste of time. I didn't care that I scared the opposite gender, or that I had wider shoulders then 90 percent of males. I didn't get to choose the gene pool I was dealt. Tears use to fall from my child tear ducts. I was afraid I would be alone, but now I understand that being alone only meant that I would only get to keep all of the credit. I didn't have to share, I hated having to share. 

I of course respected many of my siblings, and their drive to become something more then just the child of a rich set of parents. All but Orian, he was stupid, a waste of space. He spent his time wanting to help people. Patch up those that where hurt. "Pain was simply weakness leaving the body". Sure his medical technique made it reliable when injury came about, but people like him where on a lower level then the rest of our family. They may be the ones there to patch up the wounded, but we are those that caused the wounds anyhow. It was a shame seeing Mason fall, he had so much potential, all of it thrown away, and my heart shattered over his lose. But It only came in handy, I had no heart left to be able to ache. Now that I felt no remorse I could fight without thought, kill without regret, and win without ever looking back. 

I was raised to think of myself as a tiny fish on a sea of many, that I had to earn my worth. I spent my entire life training, enrolled in the academy. I was destined to become something great, to teach this shit hole of a world a thing or two. Father always said I was born to destroy those that oppose me. My mother always said i was born to break the roles of gender. I was of a size that made me an equal, no longer someone that was naturally thought to be too weak to fend for myself. I thought of myself as successful, though I was always thirsting for more. Always wanting to prove myself, though I had on too many occasions. I felt as if there was always more to show, always more to impress. I pushed myself to the limit, destroyed my mind over matter. I would press until my body would collapse, until I passed out. There was no giving up, there was no end.

I hated the way I was looked at, the way society watched me in terror. Sure I was good at making everything seem okay, like I wanted to be hated. But all i wanted was to be accepted. Maybe that is what pushed me to try so hard to be better them my siblings, what pushed me to become a machine. But now that I am accepted by them, I was only hated by others. The world was just a giant circle of judgment, impossibly to be loved by all. I wanted to be able to giggle when I caught boys staring in my direction. I wanted to have friends that I felt close to like blood. But everyone was too afraid, my appearance was a repellent. I have learned to accept what I am, I understand now that people can only spit hatred. My hatred would just have to be of a higher potency then theirs. 

Our house was always filled with the grunts and squeals of the long painful days of training. Our bathroom tubs filled to the brim with ice, out bodies varies shades of purple. Every morning we ran, every night we ached. Hours upon hours we were pushed over the edge only to climb the mountain and jump again. There were no limits, not if you wanted to be the best. Those of us that showed improvement, want for something more. We went on to become better then those left behind. There was no room for thought, for emotion, for regret, in our line of training. The only thoughts that could be on your mind were those of your next attack. The only emotions you could feel was hatred, and the only regret that could be felt was why you couldn't complete the task faster. 

We were all expected to bring honor to our families name. We all wanted to take on the tole of first victor of Hammerfell blood. So far not many of us had gotten the chance to try, but we would soon enough. Becoming victor would mean our whole life's had meaning, but dying in that arena meant that we had meant nothing from our first breathe. Dying for honor was what was right in this household. There was no other way, that is why Orion was thought to be so ridiculous. Trying so hard to fit in somewhere else, when we are his family. He was a fool, I loved him with my whole heart, but the way his brain functioned never made sense to me, but I guess many things never made sense to me. 

Mason, now Mason was a Hammerfell of true potential. He was meant to become something great, or at least we all hoped, I had hoped. He got his chance to show the world what he was capable of, but only failure was to come. Seeing my brother fall was something I could not bare. I looked up to him in every way, was his fate similar to mine? I had to be stringer, I had to be capable of greater things. But seeing such a noble man fall, shattered ever hope that remained inside of my body.  I was crushed, incapable of believing that I had a chance. I thought Mason was better then me, I thought he would be the one to carry greatness. I thought wrong, so I gave up thinking all together. When I forced myself to think, it only brought emotion, and emotion was a distraction I didn't have time for.