gone without goodbye {geo's end}

GEO V E N N - - GONE WITHOUT GOODBYE

It’s hard to know when it’s time. When it’s time to say goodbye, or if the goodbye is even needed. People in the Hunger Games almost always crumble down to darkness, for their reason to want to hurt, to want to murder, is enough to simply be denied. It’s too late to accept that attempted murder comes with as harsh consequences as actual murder. I hope that this knife of mine can be forgiven, forgotten all about. But we’ve all seen where hope has taken us. Hope is the climax of life, and after hope, the only thing left is to go down.



Tybalt Capulet, the last person I would prefer being associated with, is my last standing friend, and double of him and an additional one of me is all it took. Just a little confusion, one was the real Tybalt, the other was fake, and I couldn’t tell which was which. I took violent swings and each of them, and also their arrows shot back and force at me and my twin, who was like a hallucination. It wasn’t like there could be two of us, unless someone didn’t tell me that I had a twin, and he did also. We were playing with our own imaginations, and Tybalt played a bit too hard. I can’t blame him, there were two of me and shooting at one of us was basically a shot in the dark. But his shot, at least for once, was too strong. He seemed weak with a bow from the beginning, unless he was shooting at me, then he hurt someone.



If only you could be stronger when you need to be, Tybalt. An arrow that flies to me is from one of the Tybalt’s, and it’s too fast. It’s too late now. The arrow goes directly to my eye, and it’s like I’m stunned, life flashing before my eyes. The arrow finally connects, and the pain silences me. No scream, not even a scream of defense. Even if I did scream, it won’t help. It will only hurt Tybalt, whichever is the real one. My twin has already fled, snickering to himself as he goes out of distance. Tybalt fights with his double, but eventually he gets away, leaving me alone to rot out.



I don’t want to scream, I don’t want to be that helpless person. It’s already hopeless, that word has always been true for everyone in these games. We’re only hopeful when we are hopeless. There’s not enough hope to go around, Geo. Only true humans have hope. You helped murder people. You’re not human, you’re a monster.

It’s true, the people with hope are the innocent ones, the ones that don’t help kill. Gabi had hope, Abel had hope. It’s only been a day. I thought I’d be okay for at least one day, maybe I could just relax.
Relaxing is for people who have hope to waste.

Within two blinks of my eye that is not crushed inside, I already feel a blurr. I can feel the pounding of my heart trying to mend get the wounds mended, but the speed alone is probably only hurting me, making me die quicker.

I hope I can- why do I keep believing that I can hope? Life isn’t a big dream, it’s real. You can’t just be healed in a blink of an eye.

Father would always pat my cuts, scrapes, and bruises. They were all when I was little, making silly kiddish mistakes. He told me after he gave the magic touch, it wouldn’t hurt anymore. And it didn’t, but there is no magic touch in the Hunger Games, not when people are out to kill you. People are out to ruin our lives to save their own, to make themselves happy.



It’s just crap, that’s all I have as my death bed, no wonderful way to send me out, no way to say goodbye to anyone. The only think I have his the scrap, and I’m just sitting there like a worthless idiot. It seems as if I’m just a lack of everything, nothing that I have too much of, except maybe blood dripping down my face.

Another blink leads my sight to blur even more, and now I can’t tell my own body from the heap of scrap that surrounds me. The colors are mashing together, and I can only see a brownish-grey. It’s like I put all the colors onto a pallet and mixed them all together.

You can’t even keep us from dying, Geo. I guess it’s too late to expect myself to rip the arrow out of my eye and everything would be okay, it’s not realistic. It wouldn’t do anything but hurt.

I’m hopeless, helpless, worthless.



I’m not ready to die. I’m not ready to be gone. I haven’t gotten to say a true goodbye.



I feel my stomach drop completely, and I prepare to throw up intestines, organs, blood. And when I don’t, a single drop of a tear is all it takes to feel relief. I shake, twitch my fingers. And with another blink of the healthy eye, everything is black, I can manage to throw out three words-

”I miss you,”

-did you hear that, Kameron, Father? Mother (wherever you might be)? I miss you, please know that. Please.

he’s



in my







The next thing I know, it’s silent. My eyes are plagued with darkness, and no matter how hard I try to see the light of the situation, it declines and the darkness comes back. Is this what we get? Just to sit in darkness until the end of the world? I look down, and I see hands, feet, my own hands and feet, but when I put two gentle fingers up and brush them down my leg, I feel nothing. Not a tickle, not pain. I see the wound that the rat did upon me, yet when I touch it, it feels painless.

{”Geo,”} a voice calls out my name. Startled, I look around. It’s probably nothing… I try to agree with that voice in my head, but I hear it again. {“Geo, it’s me.”} A woman stands in front of me, and perhaps I’m just ready to get that sentence of imprisonment for the afterlife, wherever it may be.

”Wh.. who?” I question the woman, she smiles.

{“Your mother,”} she comes back quickly and firmly. My.. mother? She’s dead? I thought she.. I thought she left. I didn’t know she died…

”You’re dead? I thought you went away because of..” I was about to continue, but she quickly snaps back at me.

{“Your father killed me,”} she speaks as if she’s been preparing for this moment. I knew I never stood a chance, but I didn’t expect to get through three days, witness four murders.

She.. she’s lying. He would never do that.

”No he didn’t,” I begin to speak, staring her straight in the eye, ”He loved you, and you just walked away from him. She tries to speak but I quickly raise a finger to tell her to stop.

She left me. She ruined me. She’s trying to make me think that she’s the victim. She lied to me.

What a warm welcome to death, Geo.

NOTE: all dialogue credit with Abel involves the actual writing of ghosty

She's even more worthless than I am. She probably killed herself and is shameful to tell her own son that. Daddy wouldn't kill anyone, ever. And no matter how hard she will disagree, it will always be true. She's a dirty liar.

My eyes quickly turn to my right, and calm eyes with blonde hair stand a little ways away from me. I stare at him.. where do I know him from. His face is so fresh, so easy to recognize. It's like I was with him for three days straight in the Games.

{“Geo, Geo! Ya remember me?”} his voice sounds just as familiar as his face. He knows who I am, but is it him? My only true friend in the Hunger Games?

”A.. Abel? Buddy, is that you?” I question him, calmly. If it isn’t, it will be very awkward. I hope it is (please don’t jinx it).

{"I knew ya would know. Of cours' it's me."} His sweet accent soothes me, and I quickly walk over and hug him, yet I don’t feel his body tightening. I haven’t felt anything since the pain went away, so it seems understandable.

”It was absolute hell, Abel. Tybalt.. he’s an idiot” I release my wrap around him and take a few steps back. It’s like we’re meeting at the coffee place, catching up like two friends would.

{ "I know, I know, I'da never o' trusted him. Always knew he were trouble."} he speaks once again, and I nod.

”Well ,there were two of me and two of him, he could’ve just gotten confused.” I tell Abel, smiling. ”But I doubt it.”

{ "Thank Ripred that I weren't there, I'da hate t' have you as an enemy, bud."}

”Same here, for the record. Where’s Gabi?”

{ "I don' know, I seem t' have lost her. It'd be nice t' see her."}

I sigh, ”Yeah, I’d like to see her, too.”

{ "It's good to see you though. Nice to catch up."}

I nod in agreement, ”Well, I’ll c’ya later, buddy. I’m still trying to figure this place out.” I pat his shoulder.

and then he fades away from me, it’s like a red wisp, quick to disappear after I say goodbye.
and then there’s nothing, like he was never with here.

”I’ll c’ya later, MacLaren?” I say it questioned. He was gone without a simple g o o d b y e.
Abel is a warm welcome, but it’s not enough. I’m sorry for whatever I did. Whoever I helped hurt. Whoever died before and will die after me.

Just one sorry isn’t good enough, Geo.

Not this again. The tick and tock of the pendulum clock makes me instantly begin to chant the word I spoke when Abel died.

Tick ”Sorry”
Tock ”Sorry”
Tick ”Sorry”
Tock ”Sorry”
Tick ”Sorry”
Tock ”Sorry”

I’m Eternally Ticking.

I’m hopeless now, just here to say sorry.
I’m helpless now, there’s no reason to resist.
I’m worthless, but if you need some puns, I’m your guy.
I’m heartless- for helping to hurt all those people- but it’s the Hunger Games, and murder is the key to winning.

I'm sorry, that makes me human, right? Apologies lead to being forgiven, and to you have to have emotion to be human? Being sorry is showing regret. I show regret.

I still want to be human.

Does being sorry make someone human?

Well, readers, that’s for you to decide.