{rhodes} to nowhere {elidor one-shot}

“Crusader.”

Tears fall from my eyes as I crash towards the ground on my knees. My stomach twists into knots as tears roll down the side of my face watering the dead grass on top his box. I don’t know what to do. What to think because my world is broken. It’s stopped once more. It took me forever to come out of the shell surrounding me after he died, and now I have to watch it all over. Every single event plays in my mind like a broken record stuck on repeat, and it doesn't’ make sense. It’ll never make sense because the Capitol won’t let it. No, they enjoy taking family members away. They enjoy watching them go through the games. They enjoy watching broken people mourn the moment the cannon sound. I wish they would all just die because they don’t deserve to live.

I can’t bring myself to talk because the world is still moving, and not a single person in the world even cares that my entire life is falling apart again. It’s slowly drawing my life to the end. Each breath burns inside my lungs, but they won’t stop breathing the air that’s needed. I beg it to stop so I could just cross into the other world when everyone dies. But my brain keeps my body alive making robotic movements. I’m always telling myself what to do. When to eat. When to sleep. When to close my eyes, but I can’t control my breathing.

“Crusader, they took him. Harbinger was reaped. He was reaped.” My voice cracks as each word flies from my lips into the open air. Violent sobs shake through my body. Tears pour rapidly down my face, and at this moment I don’t care who sees me. “He was reaped. Crusader. Just like you. They called his name. I don’t know what to do.” It doesn’t make sense.

My life was slowly coming back together. The pieces were fitting into place, and I thought I had a reason to know why I was alive. Yet in the blink of an eye it all changed. “I should’ve volunteered for him. I should’ve taken his place because he has so much more to live for than I do.” My head rests against the tombstone with his name embedded deep into it.

Why? Why did they have to draw his name? Why did they have to take him away? Why? Why? Do they want me to fall apart so much that I’m not a human anymore? The Capitol already has control of the strings attached around my body, and they’re controlling my every movement. I try fighting against them, but it only sends me crashing to the ground like everything in the entire world has fallen apart.

“Crusader, keep him safe. Watch over him. I don’t even know, man. I don’t want him to change in the games. I want him to stay himself, but I know that’s impossible. I know they change people, and I want him to return home. I don’t even know what I’m talking about. I just want to go back to what life was like four years ago when we were all here. I want to talk to you face to face. I want to see you, yet you’re so far away, and now Harbinger is far away too.” Taking a deep breath, I look around trying to look for an answer, but none exists in this world because the answers are worthless. Nobody can tell me they mean something because in the end it doesn’t matter anymore. Nothing will remain the same when it’s all gone because the world will keep moving, and they’ll forget about the ones that died.

“Crusader, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do. I need you now more than ever. Please help me. Please. I beg you. Don’t leave me alone. Not now.”

Please save me.

Someone.

Anyone.

Please.