larken monroe {district 8} finished

Dear Sloan

Dear Brother

Dear Bastard

Dear Acquaintance,

I've decided to consider you an acquaintance now, you're too unworthy of your actual name. And to call you brother, that would have to mean that you're part of the family, but you're not. Family just doesn't pick up all their things and leave the others, especially when he knows how much they need him, and count on him. I thought that bastard would be appropriate, but I knew if Mom got a hold of this letter I'd be in big trouble.



Do you realize what you've done to me, to us? Nobody knows what to do, we're all starving. Alec is in pieces. He always looked up to you, ya know? I don't think the younger ones really know what's going on yet and I don't have the heart to break it to them. Every time they ask me where you are I have to come up with an excuse, I'm starting to run out of things to tell them. Of course the older kids know exactly what's happening, but they won't talk about it, no one will.



I'm just so confused. Why would you do this to all of us? It's been so hard, Dad's gone and now so are you. Everyone is so lost, including me. I'm so scared about everything anymore. I've never felt like this before, like there's no hope left, but I know I have to stay strong. Not only for Mom, and the eight other siblings you left behind, but also for me. Because now if I fall, everything else will come crashing down with me.

* * * 

The tears begin to well up in my eyes, all the hatred I feel for my brother coming to the surface. I need to get out of the house before any of my younger siblings see me. I push back from the desk in my room, the legs of the chair making a terrible screech as they are forced along the old hardwood floors. I make my way through the short hall, taking in every picture and mark on the wall. These walls have been my home, I can't picture them being any different. The off white color, which I'm pretty sure were an actual white at one time, is comforting. It's kind of like my family. We were all a pure white at one time, some of the little ones still are, but over the years we've become a slightly dirtier version off ourselves, an impure version. We're slightly off white, and we have no money to make ourselves pure again, but that's okay. It makes us unique, nobody wants to be perfectly white anyways.



The light from living room shines through the doorway. Hopefully I'll be able to make it out of the house before anyone sees me and asks what I'm up to. I'm almost at the door when I hear a voice, actually it's more like a squeak. "Where ya goin?" says my little sister Paisley, she's ten. Shit. "On a walk," I answer casually without turning around. I don't want her to know that I was crying, it will only make her upset. "Ohhhhhh," I hear her say excitedly "Can I come?!" I try to compose myself before turning to face her. "No," I say, a little more harshly than I intended to. I watch as her eyes get wide and begin to fill up with tears. I'm normally very sweet to her and clearly she's not used to be reacting this way. "Hey, hey, hey," I say, while making my way over towards her near the couch. I crouch down so that I can be closer to her height. "Maybe next time. I just need some time to be alone, okay?" She answers by silently nodding, still clearly upset at me. I get up and rub her head, messing up her hair. Her face crinkles up and she sticks her tongue out at me. I smile at her in return and make my way out the door, to who knows where.

* * * 

The District is almost silent. Everyone is either working or, if they're not able to work, sitting in their house, either preparing dinner or doing nothing. Nobody ever just walks around Eight, except for me of course. And if there are any people out they're probably at the Square shopping, where it's slightly less unpleasant. I prefer to roam around the alleyways though, there's rarely anyone in them. They're all identical and it's really easy to get lost physically, and in thought. And right now, that is what I needed. I inhale deeply and the fresh out door air fills my lungs. I'm far enough away from the factories that the smell of the smoke is almost indistinct. You get used to it after awhile anyway. I walk around for a long time. It could be minutes, maybe hours. I'm not that sure. Once I'm sure that I'm far away from the Square, far away from anyone, I let my composure go. I lean back against the outside walls of one of the identical houses that line the street. I feel my legs collapse beneath me and the next thing I know I'm on the ground with my back against the wall. I begin to cry for the first time in years, all the built up emotion finally breaking loose. I cover my face with my hands and allow myself to feel all the emotions that I've felt for a long time, but have done nothing about.



Almost everything that has happened in my life has been tragic. My father died when I was thirteen, we were poor then, but after he passed it become even worse. Sometimes we'd go a day or two between meals, and even then it'd be a very meager amount of food. I'd always give the young kids a larger portion than me, they needed it more anyway. Sloan became our main source of income, dropping out of school and taking a full time job at a factory. Mom didn't work, there were just way too many of us at home to take care of, and that was her first priority. I started working a couple hours each week, just to add some extra to the money Sloan was making. We were doing okay surprisingly, well it could have been a lot worse. We were eating all right and the kids were looking a lot happier. Then about two days ago, Sloan just left. He packed up all his things and left, no note, no explanation, nothing. It was devastating, no one knew what to do. We had a little money left from his last pay, plus what I made to buy some more food. We'd be eating the last of that food tonight. Basically my life has been one big tragedy, except for my family. They're all so innocent and sweet, I'd do anything to protect them. If I was surrounded by such wonderful people, I probably would have left a long time ago too.

* * * 

I finally pull my head out from between my knees and look up at the sky. The sun's close to setting so it should be around dinner time. I force my self up from the ground, my limbs stiff from sitting in the same position for so long. I wipe off my clothes and try to flatten out my hair so I look somewhat presentable for dinner. I begin to make my way through the identical looking streets towards the center of the District so I can find my way home easier. As I'm walking, I notice a puddle on the ground, still leftover from yesterday's rain.

Even though the water slightly distorted my face, and it was still slightly red and puffy from crying, if you concentrated hard enough, all of my facial features were still distinguishable. My normally dull light green eyes appeared to sparkle in the puddle and the reflection makes my square jaw line even more prominent. My large head fits the size of my body, being 5'11" I tower over most of the girls my age. The little muscle that I do have is easily seen on my thin arms and legs, having so little to eat over the years has taken it's toll on my body. You would think that the water would make things shiner, but it doesn't. My dirty blonde hair is still as drab as ever. If you can even call it dirty blonde, it honestly makes it's own color, most of the time it resembles mud. And it's still plainly obvious that my bottom lip is larger than my upper. I sigh a little. I'm so ordinary looking, but I guess it's better to blend in with the crowd than to be noticed by everyone.



After I deem that I look acceptable enough to return, I begin walking again. Once I return back to the house, everyone is already sitting at the small dining room table, fork and knife in hand, ready to begin eating, The table is really meant to seat six, but we managed to cram a couple of extra chairs in there to fit everyone. When they noticed that I was back everyone stopped. "Hi Larken," all eight of my siblings say in unison. I laugh a little, "Hey guys,"I say with a smile. They all continue with their conversations as I go help my mom prepare the rest of dinner. She stops what she's doing and faces me. "Are you okay?" The concern is evident on her face. "I'll be fine," I reply without looking up. "Larken..." The tone of her voice makes me stop and look up. I've never heard her this worried before in my life. Her eyes quickly dart over to my siblings at the table. I understand what she means, and why she's so worried. "We'll get through this, I promise." I answer to her silent plea. She nods and then turns to the others at the table. "Alright," She says so cheerfully, it's hard to think she was so worried before "Who's ready to eat?" Shouts of joy and eagerness come from the table as Mom portions out the food, the two of us get the smallest amount like usual, but it doesn't even bother me anymore. All through dinner I thought about what I told my mother, the promise I made her. I think about what I can do to make it come true, and finally I come up with an idea.

* * * 

The next day I went to the head of the school and asked if there was anyway that I could leave school and hour or two earlier so I could work my hours in the factory. Thankfully, he agreed, knowing the situation me and my family were currently in. I'm hoping to make a little bit more than the very small amount that I'm already earning, I just need enough to help my family get by. All the girls in my grade stare at me now, for leaving early every day. Honestly, I don't really care, they're all too prissy for me. I've always preferred to hang out with the guys anyway, wrestling and playing rough. That's why at lunch I sit with a few of the guys who work at the same factory as me, they get me better than any girl every would. Besides, I'm not all that into meeting new people and making friends. I've never been good at talking to people or wowing them with my amazing personality. My family already loves me, and that's all I need. I don't need any of those fake people pretending, they're not worth my time. My time needs to be spent on caring for my family, making sure that they're all right. It's hard, I'll admit, but knowing that I'm making a difference for them helps to push me to do everything I can to make their life better, even if it's only in the slightest way. Ever since that day Sloan left, I promised myself I would do whatever it took to keep them safe. And I don't make promises I can't keep.















Codeword: Odair