papyrus montesqueiu {d2 - fin}

p̧͚͓̯̩͙͝a̴͔͙͈͎͇͚̩̱͘p̤y̵͓̮r̞̣̙̺̝̥͓̩̭͘͜ų͘͏̙͖ś̯̗̘̰̝̮̲

"Do you wanna hear a joke about skeletons?"

"No."

"It's humerus."

"..."

"Did you get it?"

"UGH!"

--

Sans and me are blood brothers. Actual brothers. Or brother and sister, I guess. We're all one big family under the same roof but the two of us came out of the same mom. That obviously makes our bond stronger than everyone else's. If only he didn't spend so much time making jokes and not doing chores! Lazy! His puns aren't even as good as mine. They're usually about skeletons because I have a very skeletal appearance. I'm tall and skinny so my bones protrude, and I keep my hair a silvery color because it fits the theme. It's very "me," right? I thought so too.

Sans is shorter but older than me. However! He's not as talented at puzzles as I am. He might be stronger than me because dad trained him and not me, but I've been asking Undyne to help me. I have to learn how to defend myself because one of these days I'll need it. You never know what could happen! There's a reason all of the doors are locked and the windows are boarded; to keep the danger out, and keep us protected. Dad says the people outside are dangerous. Everything we need to know about them is in books and on television. Every year they pick two people from each district to compete in a death games.

Crazy!

I watch it on TV and I can see why everyone is so dangerous. But I have no fear, if they come into our house we can fend them off. Also, dad says there's no chance we'll get picked for the death games. The population is so big that it's impossible. I still really want to learn how to fight though, and I will beg Undyne until she says yes. I plan to be so strong that she'll think I'm at least half as cool as she is. Marilyn will design an episode of her future TV show just for me, so everyone can praise me for how great I am. They'll be so impressed!

I've been thinking of testing my moves on the new kid, Frisk. They're from the outside - which is very dangerous, as I've said before - and I don't know if I can trust them. To be friends or not to be friends, that is the question. I'm not sure why dad actually brought them in here. The things that happen around here usually make sense to me; like when Myra bakes croissants instead of donuts, she's in a really good mood. And when dad gives us an allowance, it means we're doing a good job around the house. I always keep my allowance so I can write cooler things on my wishlist, like tribute action figures. I'm collecting them. I also like puzzles and T-shirts. There's nothing more riveting than a puzzle that stumps you (except fighting of course).

It's not childish to love these things.

I've been called immature and naive. I don't know what they're talking about. I'm well-informed and probably the most mature person in this house (except for Undyne and dad). Since when does having a car-shaped bed make me immature? I'm eccentric at best, or maybe I happen to have a dream about riding in the cars I see in the Capitol. They look like they go fast, and I want to be fast too. What's wrong with that?

I don't want to be treated like I'm immature just because I haven't learned how to fight yet. I have other talents! I'm killer at puzzles, and I'm learning how to cook. My pasta recipe is to die for, Sans can vouch for me. I might not be the best at cooking since Muffet's tea and pastries are actual heaven (I read in an old book that heaven is paradise, so that's why I'm saying that), and Sans has the best hotdog-making skills in the whole house. I don't compare to them yet, but my time will come. I'm optimistic.

There's always plenty to do around here. Our house feels small but dad says it's bigger than most houses. My room is on the second floor next to Sans'. There is a whole lot of us living here, and it feels cramped sometimes. When I want to breathe I just hang out in my room and fill out puzzles. I can't finish them too quickly or I'll run out before dad can fetch me more! Otherwise I'm usually hanging out with my sister. We're like peas in a pod. Salt and pepper. Two skeletons in a casket.

Wait, I think I got that wrong.

Oh well.