why try/ems { b l i t z }

For a moment, I don't think she'll let me. I'm sure she holds a grudge because of my last name. And that hurts me on the inside. It's not worth it to make her feel worse, but I honestly can't help who I'm related to. Shrugging my shoulders I prepare to turn away because in all honesty, I don't want to make things worse. Hearing that she doesn't mind excites me for only a moment because her next words slap me across the face.

Lowering my gaze, I turn towards one of the chairs seated in the corner. Part of me wishes I wouldn't have said anything, and perhaps it would've been better not to try because right now the entire world is falling apart wound me faster than I ever imagined. It angers me in a way. Yet I slowly push it down because nothing in the world matters anymore.

I remove a small glass before dumping some of the stuff inside of it. I'm not even sure what the Suh dad is. But I take a drink anyway feeling the bubbles running down my throat and it makes me sick. I want to throw up, but it turns out it's only a belch. "Thanks." I mutter quietly against my own free will. I honestly don't know what to say to her right now because nothing in the world makes sense, and in all reality, I feel like it's my fault she's here. "You are right, it's amazing." I say softly unsure of what to do.

If I'm going to be honest, it's hard to be around Carrita, but for whatever reason, it's making me want to be around her more. I want to get to know her. To figure out more about her life, her family, yet being reaped for the games has only changed it all. So I sit here in silence drinking the bubbly stuff trying to figure out exactly what it is. Sometimes I wish this was back in district eleven -

Extreme sorrow floods through me at the thought of thinking of home. I'm not stupid, and I know the odds aren't in my favor; nobody will want the cousin of a victor to win, but it won't stop me from doing the best I can. Coming out here and getting second place isn't good enough because being second means you're just as dead as the other twenty-two who have died before you. So many advantages come with being first place, but seeing what it has done to my family, it's not exactly something I want.

"Did you want to talk about something?"

Her voice breaks through the silence. Yeah. There's a lot to talk about. I want to say to her, but I can't bring myself to say it. Lifting the glass from the table I take another drink trying to block out the world around me. Yet even that doesn't stop me from lowering my gaze to the table. Truthfully, I feel bad for her - I feel bad for all of us, however, I don't want to pity her.

But what can I say?

I'm sorry you were reaped? I'm sorry my cousin is your mentor? I'm sorry this happened? No. None of that sounded like it would've made a difference. Sighing, I shrug my shoulders slightly. Sometimes I wish talking was easier. I wish I was capable of making a friend, but I always seem to say the wrong thing. "Have ya been on the roof yet? I ask before taking another drink of the suh dad.

My eyes focus on her wondering what she'll say as I slowly lift the glass from the table once more. When she shakes her head, a new confidence forms inside me. I hope that she enjoys being on the roof because the first time I stumbled upon the open door, it changed how I viewed things. A small grin twists across my face as she pushes her chair back before standing up. "Can you show me?" She asks.

In the most unlikely of places where I find myself broken, a friend always shines through. Would I count Carrita as a friend? It's not something I know the answer to because making friends in this place will only bring pain. "Follow me." I say quietly before pushing myself into a standing position and heading down the hall towards the stairs. It's not much, but perhaps it's something that can offer her a freedom from all the worries around before being thrown into the arena.