~ And So The silence rolls~ ( open if anyone wants)
Mar 11, 2016 21:31:17 GMT -5
Post by kittyoemily on Mar 11, 2016 21:31:17 GMT -5
( Getting my rp muse going again, so yeah... Using a character that had much development at the time but when I became less active rp wise it's development came to a halt.)
I would be sitting there, just sitting and staring straight ahead. Life was going forward not back, never back. Life goes forward so I decided to just be staring forward. My hands gripped the cold bench beneath me, around me the normal noises of district one were loud. The noises coming from those cheering on for the games were even louder. Louder than the noise you hear when you personally fall off of your bed at night and bang your head against the floor. All of this noise and yet I hear none of it. Only my mind racing. My mind racing like a stream. Flowing like a stream against pebbles. Like how a stream picks up a pebble drops it off, and some how picks up another. Those were my thoughts. A never ending stream of consciousness. One that would not rest.
Rest. Something I've been trying to do more of but have been failing.Failing, what I feel like I keep doing. Doing, just sitting you not doing anything but thinking. Thinking, what I am doing now that is preventing me from what I really should be doing. Doing a repeat of what I thought earlier and now need to think differently. Differently, I start tapping my foot to perhaps calm my nerves, but perhaps it will not work until I give in to my temptation. Temptation, what led me hear to begin with, the thoughts that are crossing my mind could easily be taken away by giving in to temptation. Temptation is still a bad thing, despite what it can lead to. Lead to a kid. My kid. I was having a kid.
A kid I never saw coming, a kid when I was still a kid. A kid when I can still be called into the reaping, a kid that was a result of a kiddish mistake. I do not know if I should be proud, content or just plain scared. I think I am all of it. I know she is. The one I fell for. The one who I had promised to myself that I would take care of. Take care of, now I should prepare for taking after more than just myself, more than just her and myself. Another human being is what I have to prepare for. I have to prepare for more than just my future. My life, my parents.
My parents would be disappointed if they knew what I know now. Disappointed once again. I ruined their chances once again. Their chances at a good son. One who could be who they want their kid to be. Who they desire their kid to be. Now there is nothing for them. Nothing for them to be fine with. I never was a lady's man. I attracted a lot of girls, but never intimately. It would have distracted me from training if I had, now I love a girl and she is going to have our kid. Our kid, love. I love her. I will love our child. I just do not want another person to be disappointed in me.
My hands had balled up in fists as I was in thought but would disengage after thinking about her, and our future child. I had left out a puff of air. I had literally stopped breathing. At least not as rhythmically as desired. I will look after them both. I would look at my hands in a bit stupid way and think about my options. I was a career in training, one who does not speak much, and prefers not to, and knows how to beat up people. Sure it will come in handy if I ever have the courage to.. or really a desire at this point to volunteer and claim my rightful spot as a career tribute, but not for raising a kid. Furthermore, not for providing for the one I love and our child. The one I love.
Love is something that is supposed to last a life time some say. Most say love means it is time to get married. Having a kid means it is especially time to get married. Problem is, we are still 'kids.' We are not allowed to get married yet, but I feel ready for it. I think I should be at least. I want to be. It does not matter, Panem says we are not. It worries me further. If we are not ready to get married, then we cannot be ready for a kid. A kid needs responsible parents, and I am sure she would be, but me... I can't even live up to what my parents want me to be. I get up suddenly at this thought and start clumsily heading to her house. I was ready to ask her, even if we can't proceed with it for another year.
( ooc no idea of panem's marriage laws?)
Aaron A
I would be sitting there, just sitting and staring straight ahead. Life was going forward not back, never back. Life goes forward so I decided to just be staring forward. My hands gripped the cold bench beneath me, around me the normal noises of district one were loud. The noises coming from those cheering on for the games were even louder. Louder than the noise you hear when you personally fall off of your bed at night and bang your head against the floor. All of this noise and yet I hear none of it. Only my mind racing. My mind racing like a stream. Flowing like a stream against pebbles. Like how a stream picks up a pebble drops it off, and some how picks up another. Those were my thoughts. A never ending stream of consciousness. One that would not rest.
Rest. Something I've been trying to do more of but have been failing.Failing, what I feel like I keep doing. Doing, just sitting you not doing anything but thinking. Thinking, what I am doing now that is preventing me from what I really should be doing. Doing a repeat of what I thought earlier and now need to think differently. Differently, I start tapping my foot to perhaps calm my nerves, but perhaps it will not work until I give in to my temptation. Temptation, what led me hear to begin with, the thoughts that are crossing my mind could easily be taken away by giving in to temptation. Temptation is still a bad thing, despite what it can lead to. Lead to a kid. My kid. I was having a kid.
A kid I never saw coming, a kid when I was still a kid. A kid when I can still be called into the reaping, a kid that was a result of a kiddish mistake. I do not know if I should be proud, content or just plain scared. I think I am all of it. I know she is. The one I fell for. The one who I had promised to myself that I would take care of. Take care of, now I should prepare for taking after more than just myself, more than just her and myself. Another human being is what I have to prepare for. I have to prepare for more than just my future. My life, my parents.
My parents would be disappointed if they knew what I know now. Disappointed once again. I ruined their chances once again. Their chances at a good son. One who could be who they want their kid to be. Who they desire their kid to be. Now there is nothing for them. Nothing for them to be fine with. I never was a lady's man. I attracted a lot of girls, but never intimately. It would have distracted me from training if I had, now I love a girl and she is going to have our kid. Our kid, love. I love her. I will love our child. I just do not want another person to be disappointed in me.
My hands had balled up in fists as I was in thought but would disengage after thinking about her, and our future child. I had left out a puff of air. I had literally stopped breathing. At least not as rhythmically as desired. I will look after them both. I would look at my hands in a bit stupid way and think about my options. I was a career in training, one who does not speak much, and prefers not to, and knows how to beat up people. Sure it will come in handy if I ever have the courage to.. or really a desire at this point to volunteer and claim my rightful spot as a career tribute, but not for raising a kid. Furthermore, not for providing for the one I love and our child. The one I love.
Love is something that is supposed to last a life time some say. Most say love means it is time to get married. Having a kid means it is especially time to get married. Problem is, we are still 'kids.' We are not allowed to get married yet, but I feel ready for it. I think I should be at least. I want to be. It does not matter, Panem says we are not. It worries me further. If we are not ready to get married, then we cannot be ready for a kid. A kid needs responsible parents, and I am sure she would be, but me... I can't even live up to what my parents want me to be. I get up suddenly at this thought and start clumsily heading to her house. I was ready to ask her, even if we can't proceed with it for another year.
( ooc no idea of panem's marriage laws?)
