thana caine {d4 - fin}

We all have our talents.

I have a pair of binoculars in hand, and through the lenses I see truth. Between satin curtains are two silhouettes in a romantic embrace, one bulky and one slender. I've already done my research; he's a career in the class one year younger than mine. I know his name, his skill set, and what bars he frequents. Bark scratches my spine and I decide that I've seen enough as his hands slide past the small of her back. I won't wait around for them to shift out of my view. I've never been much of a voyeur.

Before the sun sets, I'm crawling through a girl's open window and announcing myself with a gentle cough. She jumps and asks me eagerly, "Did you find out?"

Afraid to be the follower, so I did the dirty work for her. I have the patience for it.

"He's cheating on you."

Her face falls and there is an injustice to be felt, but empathy has never been my strong suit. I wait in silence as she processes the betrayal. She would likely feel sadness anger, jealousy, and guilt in one gust of wind, and I can't help but wonder why it's impossible for me to feel the same. My sister Luca is the real storm, always unleashing a hurricane of emotions on those around her. I have to say, it annoys the hell out of me. She can get away with nasty attitudes when nobody should. When life throws you curve balls, you don't scream - you take it like a champ.

Maybe I do bathe in a vat of bitterness, but at least I'm quiet about it. Sulking solves more problems than screaming ever will. Besides, I have my ways. I sit upon a throne of secrets and a quest to find more is my motivation, because I can corner anyone if I find the right one. This time, I was asked a favor and stumbled upon a secret that would ruin him. The girl finally looks up at me again and whispers, "Thank you." She hands me money and I slide out of her window just as the yellow sun sinks. But the horizon is still ablaze with color, and I jog home in time for a late dinner.

We're a career family with a twist; three daughters with identical faces, confusing for everyone else but a child's game for me. I know who my sisters are in their posture, expressions, mannerisms, and vocal quirks. Luca is a storm and Ephyra is the blue sea and I'm something else entirely. I'm the last pick, the outcast, the one in their shadows picking up after their messes. There are days when I can handle it, and days when I wish they would throw me a bone. Mother knows I'm the quiet one, so she assumes I can hold my own. Usually I can, but I know I'm not the strongest.

I sit in my room, knowing I have little friends to cherish, and contemplate the meaning of my existence. Sometimes I crave the company of people and other times I wonder why I should bother with relationships when most of it means nothing. One thing I cannot do is detect lies. Little sally says she loves my personality, but sally may also be a liar. If not, then what happens when little sally finds somebody better? She replaces me with big Sandra.

I contemplate the worth of it all.

Mother says too much "alone time" fogs my mind with pessimism. I think too much and it creates a bubble where everything outside seems insignificant. She's not entirely wrong, but I'm not hopeless. There are people I care about, people that I can care about. I just think fewer is better. I have to be in a "mood" to hang out with someone and not debate whether I'm wasting my time with them or not. My sisters are similar in that sense; Luca sleeps around because she can't handle a serious attachment, and Ephyra is too caught up in everything else. We're like the friendless sisters. I can surround myself with classmates, but that doesn't make our relationships meaningful. It's mostly for status and power.

I don't mind either of those things.

When people ask what I want, I say possessions. Trinkets, secrets, whispers, knowledge - I enjoy all types of riches, and I'm not so certain why. Probably because I'm a deficient human being, lonely and thriving on my throne of secrets. We can't all be perfect, right?

The next day I see the boy whom I was spying on, and he slaps me across the face. My cheek is red and stinging but I don't react. As careers, we're taught to avoid pain when we can, but bear it when we can't.

"Do that again, and I'll make you feel triple the pain,"

One for each of us; the storm, the sea, and everything dark that I am.