What you Don't See // Cato

I was dumbfounded when Kate picked me to go on the one on one date, but now that I realize where we're going, I can't be upset. I remember how angry I was at her and Kirito after I exited the games. I thought they forgot about me. That they didn't care for me. But now, two games later, I realize they did care. And now here I am being forced by the Capitol to do this silly show with her. Kate is family to me. She's my sister. We have this bond that many cant understand, but I'll never love her like I love Navya. I sit in silence as we journey through the snowy arena. It's not cold like I imagined it those four years ago. I remember watching it. I remember being upset when Levi fell in the bloodbath because district eleven had such terrible luck. My brother came close, but close enough isn't good enough in the games. You either win and leave with your life, or you die. That's it. That's all there is. But being here just days after Weaver and Iona died is a terrible feeling. I've failed them. I failed Carrita and Iain, and now I'm failing my wife.

Placards are spread across the space in front of the cornucopia signifying where the tributes fell in the bloodbath, and I listen as Kate talks. I'm unsure of what to say, or even how to talk to her right now. This moment shouldn't be publicized like they're making it now. Kate deserves so much better than this, yet here she is trying to please the Capitol. Kate had friends in the game just like I did. Velocity Rush. The first death of the games. All anyone ever wants is to survive. Dillon. Levi. Hedvig. I thought careers were strong and brave, but even the strongest can fall. Hedvig died far too soon as did the rest, but her district partner is one I'll never forget. Mason Hammerfell scared me, and I'm so glad I never had to fight him. He's the type I've always told my family to be aware of at all times. Maybe Weaver or Crusader would've stood a chance against him, but I'll never know now because they're both gone, and I feel like it's all my fault.

"I have my reasons for doing this show. Most of them are back home. One's in the Capitol. One's right here."

Her parents. Navya. My family. Kirito's family. Kirito. Me. I knew coming into this the day my brother died that the Capitol forced her into it. It was wrong of them, but here we are. I know why she picked me today. I know she picked me because I've survived a hell like she did only mine wasn't made of snow and ice, but I still feel like I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't step foot into something that belongs to her. I sigh softly praying Navya understands, but I had to do this because I can't risk losing her or anyone else in my family. They're my entire life. I've lost two - I can't afford to lose another. I'll do whatever I have to do in order to keep them alive. I find myself relaxing, but I keep my demeanor as one trying to state I don't belong here. I don't want to be here. I want to be alone so I can mourn the loss of my brother. I want to find somewhere to curl up into a ball and sob as loud as I possibly can. And this is just making it worse. So many people have died to the stupid games. So many families changed forever. There's so much I want to undo that I can't. And I realize that Kate is just like me doing anything she can to keep those she loves safe. I pat the horse's back, and my heart drops realizing I'm going to see it all. Every single bit of the arena. And all I can do is nod my head until a few hushed words exit my mouth with a sigh.

"I'm ok, and I hope you are too, Kate. I hope you are too."

The feelings stand still when she gets off the horse and stares at the placard. Chaske Parks. I remember him. A violent, cruel man, but in all reality all he wanted was to prove he wasn't worthless. I thought he was going to kill Kate. I thought he was going to succeed because he was doing so much better than her, but it seemed like the people watching loved her more and kept giving her what she needed to survive. It was a long fight that went on forever. Blow for blow. Until she finally killed him. I'm glad Kate survived because I don't think I'd be alive without her. Kate was a bloody mess, and maybe it was wrong of me to cheer, but I'm glad she won. I'm glad she came home. It gave my family a second chance. District eleven had hope. For three years we did the unthinkable. But now it doesn't seem like much because Snow hates us, and we're doomed to fail on every game from here on out.

We move on and we're standing in front of the ice pillars. Chaske climbed them while his allies gathered around. And I remember him trying to do something to Mason, and the huge, scary career tried to break his arm. I wondered how he got the score of an eleven. I wondered what he did to please the gamemakers. But it wasn't enough because brute strength won't keep you alive. It was a huge feast. People dying left and right. Kate somehow survived it all. She did what twenty-three others wanted. I remain silent unsure of what to say because it's like I'm being forced to live this all over with her. I can't think straight because all I can see is my brothers dying over and over again. Why did I have to live and they die? It's a question I've asked myself many times since Weaver died in the games. What makes the twenty-three other's different than us? Why were we the lucky ones to survive? None of them wanted to die, but they had no option, and Kate helped kill people. She's a murder just like I am. Just like all the other victors. I feel myself start to break when she talks about Ellexias. They were friends, and Kate left her behind in the snow. I killed my own friend. I owe my life to Chloë, and I repaid her by killing her. I'll never forget seeing her face in the sky. I'll never forget the way I attacked her.

But I had to in order to survive, and Kate had to do the same. Otherwise we wouldn't be here waltzing through the 69th arena putting on a dumb show for the Capitol. I help her back onto the horse, and being taller than she is didn't help me much because my hand accidentally grazes her thigh. My cheeks start to burn red, and I try to keep them hidden. But her words only bring more embarrassment to me. I didn't mean to, and now all Panem is going to think the wrong thing. I can't let that happen to Navya. I'd never hurt her. I'd never do anything to her, and I wish I could wrap my arms around her and my daughter. I wish I could cry into her warm embrace. This is far too soon for me to be out here knowing I have funerals to attend. Plans to make. "Wouldn't want people to get ideas." Her words bounce through my skull, and I'm not sure what to say, so I offer a grumbled apology. "Sorry." Because it's better than nothing, and I just want this to go away.

It's strange being here. I don't want to be here, but I had no choice. A soft sigh escapes my lips as we move through the arena from place to place. I look around taking in it all remembering what I saw on the screen. One alliance steam rolled the girl from nine and the tiny volunteer from twelve. Why anyone would volunteer for something like this is beyond my wildest imagination. I didn't volunteer, and I wouldn't volunteer because I never wanted this to happen. I was fine living my own life. Kate's words ring through my mind, and I just let her talk. I've met people who don't have much of a heart, but every person deserves a chance. Beretta was creepy, yet I decided to stay at her side for as long as possible. She deserved a chance. It hurt when she died because I actually cared for her, Kitty and Chloe. I miss them all. I hope I never have to do this. I never want to relive the games I walked through because I live them every night.

I take a deep breath before trying to help Kate back onto the horse once more. Katelyn yelps, and the world starts to move fast. I try to keep her standing, yet she's falling, and I'm falling with her. My prosthetic twists and slips out of place, and I'm lying on the ground with Kate lying on top of me. Time ceases to exist as I try to push her off me because I didn't want this to happen. She's a friend, and I'm afraid the Capitol will get the wrong idea. I'm afraid of what Navya will think, but I hope she knows I'm doing this to protect her. She apologizes, and I'm left speechless. I don't want anything to do with this place right now. My hands ball into fist, and my jaw clenches tightly as she forced herself into a seated position. That's when my eyes catch the movements by the stupid host. My cheeks burn red. My heart pounds rapidly inside my chest. Most would think I'm nervous, and that I'm liking this, but in reality I'm slowly plotting how to kill this man for doing what he did.

"Uh. Kate?" I grunt as I push myself away. My hands fidget with my leg trying to push the piece of metal and plastic back into place. I care for Kate. She's a good friend, and I love her as a friend. I hate that they're trying to make it so much more than this. I hate that they are trying to ruin my relationship with my wife. I love her to the end of the world and back. I wanted to see her more than anything when I was trapped in the games. I just hope this doesn't ruin my friendship with Kate. A heavy sigh leaves my chest as I draw my knees to my chest. I'm at a loss of words. I just want this over. I want to retreat to my own place. I almost want to beg her to send me home, but I know that's probably not allowed. I rest my chin on my knees and I stare at the different places of the games before dropping my gaze to the ground. "Was it hard? To make peace?" I ask with a shrug of my shoulders. I want to know the answer for myself more than anything because I would love for the nightmares to leave.