dark side of the moon { d7 train blitz } ryan/reese

Reese wondered what it was like to have an actual mentor. He wondered what it would have been like if Deimos or Gavin had won their games like the people thought they would have. They would have known these games better than most, he thought, but at the end of the day, what real power did they hold? They went out and begged for money from people already paying to watch the tributes die, and that was it.

Desperation.

Reese was all too familiar with it. It was more potent than love, more deadly than hatred.

He looked to his left at the girl with the bravery. Well, perhaps not bravery. She smelled like liquor. (Courage? Stupidity?) He wondered if she would regret her decision in the morning. But he certainly did not regret her decision for her. She looked strong. Not just physically, but Reese got the feeling she was hard to break, which was impossibly attractive to someone like him.

"Well Fucker, you realise that if I die, which I don't plan on doing, you have to win, right?"

Reese fought the urge to smile.

Could she not tell?

He was living on borrowed time and this contest was where he repaid his dues for the last time. Reese LaChance would return to District Seven some day soon, but he greatly acknowledged the fact that he would have to give up his pulse beforehand.

"I'm tired of Seven fucking up." She grumbled-- he was too-- and then she said: "We aren't going to do that."

"I hope not." he replied, his doe eyes staring at the window next him.

"So you think you can do it, then? When the time comes?"

His gaze switched to the girl, confusion surely running rampid within her:

"You think you can kill?"

"Yes. No one is innocent now. I'll kiss, and I'll kill."

He was stunned by how little the words surprised him. Of course she would kill, especially if it meant saving her own life. He wondered what it felt like: having something to lose. Honestly, in times like these, he thought perhaps it would feel like a burden.

"And you?" she asked, "would you kill? Or would you die trying?"

That was a good question that he simply did not know the answer to. Would he kill? Would he try to take a chance of winning away from other people when his own fate had already been sealed regardless? The noble thing to say next would have been 'no,' but he chose honesty over nobility.

"I'll let you know as soon as I figure it out."

Now that one uncomfortable question was out of the way, Reese decided to get the ones that certainly always followed out of the way as well. This was a game, right? And they were simple pieces to a much larger idea. Reese had no doubt that hundreds had shared this very same conversation.

"Are you scared?" he asked, keeping his eyes on the floor, "Because I am. I don't think we are supposed to say things like that, but it's true. I'm afraid."

There were certain questions that Reese had been asked so many times throughout his life that the answers came out of reflex:

"Is it contagious?"

"Nope."

"Does it hurt?"

"All the time."

He didn't think he had ever met a person who hadn't eventually asked him if it hurt. Even Nico and Eva had. Reese didn't think it was rude. He knew what it was like to be curious. And sometimes he thought about lying and saying it barely ever hurt. He knew it was what they always wanted to hear, and there really was no harm in one small white lie.

He blinked his eyes at Ryan. She wanted him to say he didn't care. He could see it all over her face. If he didn't care, he wouldn't be scared, she had claimed. Could that have been true?

"No," he lied, "I don't."

He had never been the best liar. Once he had another boy's toy and hidden it between his mattresses. But he had felt so guilty afterward that he didn't touch it again until he was giving it back to the boy who had just asked if he knew where it was. But this time, his voice did not break and he didn't blink or look away. This time, one of the most serious times of his entire life, he held his composure and he kept a secret from Ryan Summit.