the church of what's happening now { ryan/jenoah } ✧

jenoah.

I’ve had nothing but expectations weighing me down all my life and it seems even after my path to death has been shortened, I can’t escape them. I am expected to put on a show, live my final moments impressing people I never met and unlikely to ever. What is the point anyway? I am unlikely to create a lasting impression on them; I’ll be a forgotten name in the wind like my predecessors. Only will my existence forever linger in the mind of my family and that will last until their own death, unless they share my tale to the new generation which I highly doubt.

But here I am, trying to impress whoever is watching. The escort suggested I train with weaponry, instead of lingering at the non-combat stations.

The axes were my immediate choice, a fairly unoccupied station while the careers focused on the blades. Even with my history of weaponry, never have I wielded the icon of District Seven and well it’s always best to try out something new when death approaches.

With a quick flick of the wrist, the first axe is off target by a large margin. ”Ahh, help me Ripred.” Like he is ever going to help me here, it is official, I have been abandoned by the main thing that my father worshiped and brought me up on. There is literally no hope.

"Ain't fucking real, little boy. Stop believing." Of course the one person who would be observing me is from the District familiar with the station I am practicing. "Kissing my ass would teach you more than any religion." And what a rude tongue she brandishes.

”I can see god more clearly than your ass.” I should feel ashamed of my words but right now, I don’t give a fuck anymore.

jenoah.

I can’t see why this girl from Seven is even bothering with me. Has my belief really rattled her that much? What harm could my opinions really pose for her? If Ripred has abused anyone in this room, it is likely me. He is the main suspect for creating this chaos that I am forced to endure.

Unease isn’t quite the emotion that swarms me as the girl edges ever so close, I say the emotion resembles more of irritation. Really, does she not have anything better to do?

Her breathing hits me hard, as if she has a hand over my face smothering me, sucking every last inch of oxygen from my lunges with her own breath. She steps over the boundaries of my personal space, an unfair intrusion if I cared for it anymore. The only time I will have to myself is when I am pushing daisies.

"That can be changed. You want to see my ass? I can make it crystal fucking clear." I place the remaining axe down onto the surface of the counter, the need to throw a weapon quickly escaping my mind. She’s killed the moment with her presence.

I grit my teeth as the girl conducts a sharp cringing racket with the axe which tears through the atmosphere in the room, many eyes turning their attention to our direction.

"You're only on the floor above, little boy. A trip can be arranged."

I scrunch up my face by a way of hiding the attention from my cheeks that quickly begin to burn with yearning of lust. I’ve done so well in tending to such needs, I can’t foil it now. ”Ahh no thanks, I think I’ll pass.” I turn my head away as I speak while the blood in my veins travels faster than usual to various parts of my body.

jenoah.

I’ve ruined myself already because of my father’s ideals, something he has forced onto me over my lifetime has quite possibility created an enemy in the most unideal situation. I’ve played into the hands of the enemy because of a so called god and my reaction to her questioning has literally given her a stick to beat me with.

This isn’t the strategy I was brought up to devise. Is it really that my destiny is to generate rivals? In the whole business plan, the criteria states that foes are inevitable but why think business now? I’ll likely never be involved in it again, unless my ancestors have their own contrived in the afterlife.

"It'll always be an open invitation." I keep my face away from her vision, hoping that my burning cheeks are unseen. She cannot see the yearning for lust developing inside of me. It’ll fuel her ammunition. I wouldn’t have though I’d be feeling such things in a moment like this; it’s not like me and not for a girl who has treated me so vilely so far.

"Time's running out, Eight, and you've just blown your chances." She doesn’t know that my chances were blown as soon as my name got called back home. No matter what I do from now and until I step into that arena, the ultimate end is already destined, be that death or life.

”I haven’t any chances to blow. We are both from Districts that are a pot out of luck; the past says we haven’t got a chance at all.”