boo-tiful { kind

I guess it's like, kinda scary.

More so the kids than the outfits. 

All they do is scream and run and throw candy at each other -- at least that's what my group did. And everybody dresses up, minute made costumes and I guess it's kinda comforting, looking down at the robber baron outfit and not seeing Kai. And that's kinda weird I mean, a change of clothes is all it takes to be somebody else, to change from a witch to a skeleton to grotesque tax evaders. And really, that's all a witch really is, isn't it? 

An outfit. 

She's never lied to us girls, pretty teeth and blonde hair and foggy eyes, witches are make believe. An outfit, the lack of substance because we aren't antagonists. We're like, underaged cultists apparently. 

It's just,

weird. 

I can't put my tongue on it, stumbling like I normally do. A form of paganism in the districts, religion isn't spoken word. It's spices and delivery girls, it's hope -- something as invisible as us. Witches aren't real darlin, a white woman holding hands with her panicked child would say, I hold my left arm awkwardly. The younger ones aren't allowed to know there's a word for it, in fear that they'll expose the coven. 

So where does that put me. 

For a minute I shuffle around the porch, taking account of the moon's watch. It's stare on others, tracing a family as their children run -- it's hard not to feel small when it's all you've ever been. The cold air wrapping around my body like a poltergeist, speaking it's words down the spine of the street. 

"Hello, Kai, I jump, my blood pressure rising like an old woman's, great. 

"Let's go get some candy."


I'm scared of doors now, okay. A second of not being able to breathe, mostly cause I'm stupid apparently -- "h-hokay-" oh boy, okay. I wipe my sweaty hand on the thigh of my pants, oh boy.

Awee, "you're a mouse," quieter than I meant to be, I wave my fingers above my head where ears should be. At this point, awkward is kinda just a state of being, smiling enough to show teeth but trying to not be overly smiley. Is that a problem? I feel like it could be - "cute." Smart, adorable. I'm a robber baron, tuxedo and bandit mask; what a pair. 

I should've just been a witch. 

It's all awkward, I never thought I'd get this far. In all honesty, I expected to die on the way over here, what do kids even do together? Do we hold hands, rubbing sweaty palms on my pants lining. She bounces while she walks and I'm fully expecting not to live through this night. God, I'm so stupid, I should've just been a cat. That would be cute, right? What if she hates cats- what if she hates me, oh god, I don't look at her again while we walk. Burdock used to tell me staring at demons made them stronger, something about eye contact or something I don't know, I just stare at my shoes. 

"I was going to go as a witch but that's generic, right?"

"Uhh-" is that a trick question? "I mean, I guess," it's a trick question, I should've stayed home I think. But then I think of the candy, it can't be that bad with free snacks right? We're encouraged to make friends anyways, why can't I just pick Indigo? All I am is the weird spice girl but she seems to not hate me, kinda like Burdock; sometimes co-existing is fine.  I'm fine with that, "I was going to go as a witch, but what's scarier than tax fraud?" Shrugging with the bag in my hand, I smile as we walk and look around her. Nothing direct, just together. Big house, that's where demons live. I'll be- "relax."

"you do this all the time right?"

"Not at night?" Oh god, why did I say that. 

She's gonna think I sleep with a night light or something, "I'm not scared of the dark," wide eyes and stupid. "Just," you? Her, messing up. Maybe that's it, she smiles and it's hard to feel out of place when she takes up the entire street; must be a demon thing. She's a mouse yet I'm still smaller, I just want candy. Maybe I should've just went with the younger kids, looking between her teeth and my shoes and "I don't bite, by the way." She's baby sitting me, god I'm so boring. An old lady comes to the door and I feel stupid. Stupid but with free candy. 

I stare at the bubblegum at the bottom of my bag instead of her, swallowing sugar gives me an excuse not to talk -- that's good. I think? Burdock would know but she's not here, it's just me. And Indigo. Just the two of us and she bites, it's in like every word I know she does. I can chew gum and live or bite back, "I'm not scared of you." It doesn't even sound cool when I say it. It's not even true but part of me hoped I'd feel better saying it, it's just halloween. 

I forgot to thank that lady for the candy. 

At least I'm not dead yet?