sasha { pk } fin

This one time I had to run 90 miles at the Peacekeeper Training Academy for breaking into the kitchen, that was WILD. Yeah, the running part sucked and I vomited 8 times, but I got three and a half slices of triple-chocolate cheesecake and four giant tablespoons of brownie mix before they caught me. Talk about LIVING!

In our 100 days of Basic Training I used to hoard cans of pop and muesli bars and I ran a little black market stall underneath my bed frame. Managed to get a can of tuna traded off for half an apple pie and I sat in a toilet stall for quarter of an hour eating every last crumb. Damn, that was good. Now I feel like pie.

But like, I don't even know where the food goes. And I'm not a super hardcore gym rat or anything. Y'know my Dad used to say that my metabolism would catch up to me eventually but all my grandmas are super skinny so YAY genetics. I wasn't allowed to attend family dinners because I'd have seven helpings and then ask for dessert. Oh and there was that one time I ate my cousin's jar of mashed carrot and pea baby food, but we don't talk about that anymore because ever since then my Aunt Leila no longer speaks to my Dad.

Oh yeah, about that. My parents thought it would be a great opportunity for me to enroll with the Peacekeepers because I wasn't going to be a Career good enough to win the Games and I wasn't exactly the picture perfect image of aristocracy either. But whatever, the Capitol has better food that District One, so I worked my ass off beating people up and learning to fire guns and walk on tightropes and jump over vaults and whatever and so here I am, sitting in a dorm room eating crackers and cheese while Beans begs for more food.

Oh, right, Beans. Don't tell anyone about him. He's our dog. Long story. I'll tell it later.

I get a phone call from them every now and then, the usual "How are you, I'm good, How are you, That's great. Yep, work is great. I love it here. Connie is fine, thank you. Yes Mom, I'm still rooming with him. Yes, they pay me enough. Yes, I"m doing my laundry. No, I don't want to talk to- Hello Maisie, how are you, that's good, how's school? That's good, how is Training? That's good. Yes, I'm sad the tributes from One died too. Yes, Justice Fray is good looking. A poster of him? Cool. Okay, bye sis. Bye Mom. Bye Dad."

I feel like I'm talking to another person's family on the end of the line most of the time. But that's okay, we were never close anyway and I didn't really belong there. I've got my dorm room, and Beans, and Connie and his siblings. It's a tight squeeze but it's cozy, and at least my bed is next to the kitchen. And the kids are cute!

Back to Beans. So the kids found this dog (although to be honest, I think they stole him - but if anyone asks I'm just gonna say they found him) and brought him home. So we have to buy dog food on the down low in and amongst the groceries, but honestly, nobody questions it if I tell them it's for mutt baiting. Plus I can eat a whole rib steak in one sitting and give the Beans the bones to chew on, so it all works out in the end. Just need to hide him in behind the shower curtain when we have inspection and toss him a silent chew toy. See? There's a solution for everything.

We're pretty quiet now since the Games are on and all the mutts we can test on are actually being used, so it's just little jobs here and there around the Capitol. Speaking of the Games, my favourite tribute EVER was Potato Earnest. I loved when he cut off that girl's head. I was eating potato chips at the same time so now whenever I think of decapitating heads I get a salt and vinegar taste in my mouth. Nice! Speaking of decapitating, I've done a bit of it myself. We get to use swords on our types of missions. Loads of severed body parts. Like in the Games, but better! As Connie would say in his cute Ten accent: Wildin'!

Damn I'm hungry.