lavina cheyne|d4|done

i wasn't always this way.

i once was a normal little girl, playing on the swing set outside of school, jumping rope with friends, throwing knives at plastic statues at the career center with my older brother every day after school. you know, normal things.

our father liked me more than he liked damon, though. our father would always put on a good face whenever we were with family, but when we reached the confines of our home our father would comfort me while having a worse relation with my brother. i appreciated the favoritism, but even when i was little i would hold a bit of resentment towards my father for being so blatant about it, and i think that may be part of what turned damon into what he is today... like me.

damon would leave the house, trying to stay away from our father as much as possible by either being at the career center or fishing which left me all alone in the house whenever father was out working, and when i wasn't at the career center along with damon trying to slit a plastic dummy's neck or sparing with a trainer, i would sometimes bring boys over to the house. well, that was until our father came home early one day and caught me being a rebellious teenage daughter, left us in peace, but he got it through my head that i wouldn't be doing that again. basically he yelled at me, and on this rare occasion while he was yelling at me i let the boy i brought home slip through the window damon uses when he needs to get out.

every games we would sit on the cozy couch, laughing with each other was we watched tributes slaughter each other, blood splattering all over the screen. it was how we grew up. my brother and i would place bets on who would win and who would lose. when hettie died i had to give up my remaining birthday candy and 5 dollars to damon. i was so annoyed at her that when celia mortuus delivered the final blow i stood up in front of the screen and 14 year old me puffed out my chest, "i could have done better than her." damon just laughed and said in his deep voice, "i'd like to see you try." i returned his comment with a glower while i moved over to where i hid my candy stash, throwing it over to him, covering my face in my long golden hair.

that next day he got into a fight with dad over some underwear that dad found last week. i didn't really understand why they were fighting about underwear, and so after my father left damon, i rushed over to him to see if he was alright. he was fine, just a small red mark where my father had slapped him. i asked him what all the big fuss was about with underwear, and he grinned at my ignorance of the situation at the time, telling me to come meet with him tomorrow after our mom left.

the next day, as requested i met with him as our mom called upstairs "you two be good while i'm gone! i'm just off to see some friends for a bit." as she did every day. i snuck into his room and he continued with a devilish grin. "what is it?" i spoke to him in a shakey voice, a bit unnerved by the smile that had settled over his face. all he told me to do was to follow him.

so i followed him out the door as he followed our mother, sneaking along the side of the road. we crouched as our mother entered into a small house. he turned around to me, motioning for me to go look into the window. i rolled my eyes at him then, unaware of what i was about to see. when i did look through the dirtied however, i did not find my mother chatting with a friend, but instead i saw her remove a wad of cash from one pocket and hand it to another woman, before proceeding to kiss her. i covered my mouth with one hand as to block the scream of betrayal that threatened to escape me.

damon had taken away my innocence that day by showing me what our mother did when she thought we weren't looking.

as i backed away from the window where our mother was doing unspeakable actions, i looked over at damon and understood why he had our father had been fighting. father hadn't believed damon when told about the events.

our father divorced from our mother a month later. i didn't even say goodbye to her. i just sat in my room, tear streaks staining my cheeks as i hid myself away. careers don't cry. i chided myself, but i couldn't help it, our mother was leaving forever. the last sounds i heard from her were kind words spoken to damon, then his angry response.

life continued on. i only saw my mother once after that occasion, but didn't speak to her. damon continued to be his moody teenage self, that was normal. i continued going to the career center to tone out my body and getting perfect marks on my school tests. unlike damon, i don't want to live out my life as a fisherman. if i don't get reaped so i can live out my life in luxery(because me dying in the hunger games is a laughable thought), i need to have at least a basic skill set for an interesting job.

then an abrupt turn happened in my life as one day damon came home through the window, which wasn't the weird thing. that was my normal wacko brother, but what was different were the blood specks dotting his clothes. i could tell this wasn't the fake dye the trainers at the career center filled the dummies up with. no, this was real blood, and my brother had a smile on his face.

"what happened?" i said, rushing over to my brother, "are you alright?" he had just nodded then, telling me that he found something really fun to do. i was a bit worried for him then, but now i'm not. he showed me what he was doing, and it's actually kind of fun.

one day dad was shouting at him, and damon left to go up to his room, slamming the door. our dad left the house, furious at whatever happened. i rushed up to damon, and in his rage he revealed to me what he had been doing. "why the f*** have you been killing hookers!" i yelled towards him, "are you out of your mind!" he just looked at me, telling me how fun it was. that i should try it. "yeah, right, in a million years. be glad im not setting the peacekeepers on you."

then the day came when my dad told me he was setting me up with somebody. it was heavily implied that he was trying to set up an arranged future for me so that i didn't need to work when i grew up. apparently it was all the rage when he was my age. that was what pushed me to damon. after dad told me and he left the house, i went crying to my brother, looking for consoling, and that was when he told me what to do. in my weakened state i agreed to his plan.

i was going to destroy all of my dad's plans for an arranged marriage.

the boy, who was twenty years old(4 years older than me at the time), came over to the house for dinner one day, my dad brought food then left the house to leave it all to ourselves. before the dinner, my dad briefed me about him. his parents died recently and they were very wealthy so now he has a large sum of money which my dad was trying to siphon into our family, but i had already agreed with damon that i wouldn't allow our father to force me into this.

so after the dinner i gave the man my best smile and lead him upstairs, promising a nice bath. he stripped down to his clothes and i inwardly grinned to myself. seducing people into doing stuff was actually kind of fun. as he stepped into the bath, grinning wildly, i turned on the water. then as the bath filled, i pushed him under. i was filled with the sense of power i had only had tastes of previously during career training.

unlike me, he did not have a career's strength, and so i was able to keep him under the water with ease.

he tried to thrash out at me, i almost laughed at the cute attempt.

the feeling of power was like a drug to me. the feeling that i was better, that i controlled his life now, not my father controlling mine.

now i know how damon felt when he came home, clothes covered in blood.

later that night, damon helped me dunk the body into the sea from his boat.

i told our father the date had gone well, and that the boy went home, our father seemed pleased with that, but was a bit annoyed when the boy was found to be missing.

i was scared of myself whenever i killed somebody after that day. as i stated before, it was like a drug to me. i had my first high and now i was hooked. i killed once more since that time, on the bridge of laughter as i crushed the life out of him. the power was exhilarating. i guess im a druggie now as what consumes most of my time is searching for another chance to kill.