The party is over {yoya}
Jan 31, 2017 22:05:58 GMT -5
Post by Sleepy Fluttershy on Jan 31, 2017 22:05:58 GMT -5
Leticia Wheeler
The first night at the Capitol is awful. I don't really remember what was happening after we all got off a train. I can just recall eating something in the evening and going to my room, where I was struggling to fall asleep for a couple of hours. Luke’s voice was chasing me: “Why, Tix?” I couldn’t get rid of it. I got up and did a handstand, then stood on my head for a while, then stood on my arms again and ran out of my room. My fellow tributes were probably wondering, what was going on, because I didn’t care whether they heard me racing around on my hands or not.
Gymnastics usually takes my mind off things, but today it didn't. “Why, Tix?” Aileen's tears, an insane look in mom's eyes, and Luke’s face... Was it all really worth it? Why, Tix? Damn, what did I do this for? Why couldn’t I sort my priorities right? Yes, he is the only one who’s spoken to me in years, the only acquaintance I have made since I was little, but he hates me. It is obvious. Why did I volunteer? He doesn’t understand and he never will. He probably thinks I hate him for being a jerk. Or thinks I am one too. Or just doesn’t care at all.
Why, Tix? Yes, I am mad. I don’t even know what I am doing and why I am doing this. And I don’t want to admit that... No, it is ridiculous. I don’t believe it myself. I should have been thinking about my family, not some damn guy whom I only met twice in my life.
What am I going to do now? If I want to help him, it means I will have to sacrifice myself... For what? And I can't help him, because we are in different alliances. I screwed up, as usual. I got mad. I decided to team up with girls whom I had never seen before. And lost the only chance I had for helping him like he helped me.
If I want to tell him something, he won't listen to me. He hates me. He is that type of guy, who will only laugh if I put the thorns and insults aside. And what am I going to say? Damn. Definitely not what I am thinking about. I just have to accept the fact that I am doomed. And that the person whom I preferred to my family will always ignore me. And I deserve it. I freaking deserve it, because I have always been acting like an outsider. Once an outcast - always an outcast. Nothing will make people like me.
…………………………………………………………………………
That is where my memories of yesterday end. I am not sure how I got my hands on that bottle, I think that I sneaked into someone else’s room and borrowed it. I didn’t even understand if it was wine, or whiskey, or something else, because I had never been drinking alcohol before. Anyway, after I opened the bottle, I felt a disgusting smell which almost made me throw up. But I drank it all anyway. Ew, it tasted like some horrible medicine. Bitter and nasty. However, I finally reached my goal: drifting off to sleep suddenly became such an easy thing to do...
I open my eyes when I hear the sounds of footsteps behind the door. Damn. It is the first day of training. How could I forget? But the world doesn’t look as bad as always. I still have a few days of the Capitol life. And I can eat whatever I want and hang out with a lot of people, including my allies. Charming. I suddenly feel like doing something crazy. But I have to dress up first. Wait, do I really have to dress up? Yes, I do. I put a t-shirt and shorts on reluctantly and head to the Training Center. I am going there alone, because everyone is gone already and they have probably forgotten about me, but I do not care at all.
As I reach the door of the training center, my legs refuse to walk. They have been feeling a little wobbly during the whole morning, but now I really can’t make a single move... Though I’ve still got my arms! I make a handstand and race through the door. I think, everyone is there already. But I don’t care. I just begin running in circles around the whole place, singing loudly. I do not care.
Yes, I have a damn crush on Marcus, but he doesn’t care about it. And no one else cares about what I am doing or what happens to me. And I would have never gotten drunk if I were my normal self, but who cares now? Anything could happen in a few days and nobody would even drop a single tear, except for my relatives whom I dumped. So who cares now? I am just going crazy, because it is the easiest way to survive this nightmare. And I love being crazy. Wheeeeee... Everybody is looking so funny upside down! And the whole training center is jumping around me... Maybe it is alcohol and maybe I have really gone mad.
Why, Tix?
Now I know why. But I don’t care.
Gymnastics usually takes my mind off things, but today it didn't. “Why, Tix?” Aileen's tears, an insane look in mom's eyes, and Luke’s face... Was it all really worth it? Why, Tix? Damn, what did I do this for? Why couldn’t I sort my priorities right? Yes, he is the only one who’s spoken to me in years, the only acquaintance I have made since I was little, but he hates me. It is obvious. Why did I volunteer? He doesn’t understand and he never will. He probably thinks I hate him for being a jerk. Or thinks I am one too. Or just doesn’t care at all.
Why, Tix? Yes, I am mad. I don’t even know what I am doing and why I am doing this. And I don’t want to admit that... No, it is ridiculous. I don’t believe it myself. I should have been thinking about my family, not some damn guy whom I only met twice in my life.
What am I going to do now? If I want to help him, it means I will have to sacrifice myself... For what? And I can't help him, because we are in different alliances. I screwed up, as usual. I got mad. I decided to team up with girls whom I had never seen before. And lost the only chance I had for helping him like he helped me.
If I want to tell him something, he won't listen to me. He hates me. He is that type of guy, who will only laugh if I put the thorns and insults aside. And what am I going to say? Damn. Definitely not what I am thinking about. I just have to accept the fact that I am doomed. And that the person whom I preferred to my family will always ignore me. And I deserve it. I freaking deserve it, because I have always been acting like an outsider. Once an outcast - always an outcast. Nothing will make people like me.
…………………………………………………………………………
That is where my memories of yesterday end. I am not sure how I got my hands on that bottle, I think that I sneaked into someone else’s room and borrowed it. I didn’t even understand if it was wine, or whiskey, or something else, because I had never been drinking alcohol before. Anyway, after I opened the bottle, I felt a disgusting smell which almost made me throw up. But I drank it all anyway. Ew, it tasted like some horrible medicine. Bitter and nasty. However, I finally reached my goal: drifting off to sleep suddenly became such an easy thing to do...
I open my eyes when I hear the sounds of footsteps behind the door. Damn. It is the first day of training. How could I forget? But the world doesn’t look as bad as always. I still have a few days of the Capitol life. And I can eat whatever I want and hang out with a lot of people, including my allies. Charming. I suddenly feel like doing something crazy. But I have to dress up first. Wait, do I really have to dress up? Yes, I do. I put a t-shirt and shorts on reluctantly and head to the Training Center. I am going there alone, because everyone is gone already and they have probably forgotten about me, but I do not care at all.
As I reach the door of the training center, my legs refuse to walk. They have been feeling a little wobbly during the whole morning, but now I really can’t make a single move... Though I’ve still got my arms! I make a handstand and race through the door. I think, everyone is there already. But I don’t care. I just begin running in circles around the whole place, singing loudly. I do not care.
Yes, I have a damn crush on Marcus, but he doesn’t care about it. And no one else cares about what I am doing or what happens to me. And I would have never gotten drunk if I were my normal self, but who cares now? Anything could happen in a few days and nobody would even drop a single tear, except for my relatives whom I dumped. So who cares now? I am just going crazy, because it is the easiest way to survive this nightmare. And I love being crazy. Wheeeeee... Everybody is looking so funny upside down! And the whole training center is jumping around me... Maybe it is alcohol and maybe I have really gone mad.
Why, Tix?
Now I know why. But I don’t care.
"I'm not calling for a second chance,
I'm screaming at the top of my voice
I'm screaming at the top of my voice
Table by the amazing and wonderful Solo:)))
[/a]
