shattered bridges {cameo | JB}

    Salt licked cheeks reside as the sole resembles to the mental terror I just had to endure. One by one they sinfully gifted their farewells, and numbness weeps in their aftermath. A deserted room swallows me whole, which seems even absent from myself. Does Chaos truly still quake within this flesh of a being? Because a null aroma feels to be not of a sensation at all. The purple cream of the walls have subtly shifted into pure grayness, and for once helplessness overcomes me. Should I have trusted Lightning in entering and exiting the future Arena strongly by himself? Most likely. Though still I wouldn’t have altered my decision.

Glossy light textured eyes, from far too many tears, harshly stare upon the dancing sea outside the window. Have the internal torment concluded with the finalization of goodbyes? No. And my heart begins thumping violently with the question if Typhoon will be visiting. To see them for a final embrace would be worth pausing my desires of ending this nightmare of my last minutes upon my home land. Despite the fact that solely death awaits in the distance ahead, I crave to flee to such sanctuary rather then wonder about it. Not until I witness Ty’s presence though.

Will they grace me with such company? A bit is known about the mysterious Sibling that blessed our O’Hana, yet I’m still conflicted over their current travels. It’s not until the door rattles in a breaking opening, that the answers sings harshly before me.

Anger spews from their features; and truthfully, it’s refreshing to observe a different emotion. More sorrow would only cradle me in weakness to the Capitol. Another’s frustration yanks me from such, though still it takes a moment to absorb. My legs pull up to the chair I’m sitting against, and my chin rests upon my frail knees. Only a blank expression occupies the entirety of my face, while a various opposite breaches from Ty’s lips.

“Hi to you to.” Sarcasm instinctively combs through my vocals in a calmful pitch, before I scuffle it down. Knowing whether they’d be satisfied by my sarcastic approach always varied; And it’s easy too assume in a time such as now, it won’t be appreciated. My head shifts, my cheek stealing my chin’s place across my knees to gain a better sight of my last family member to arrive. What the frack was that, that I just did?

It’s simple. I paid a promise. I carried an oath I’ve held for the longest. I surely completed my vow to always protect each O’Hanas, or die trying. “I had to…” Whispers past my dried tongue, with just enough volume to reach Ty’s ears. “I couldn’t let Lightning enter a Game himself.” It’s the only reasoning I have, and hopefully it’ll suffice.

    The rage spikes in a brutal continuation, similar to a mosquito’s starvation for luscious blood- willing to endeavor, until a smacking death deceases their effort. Automatically my demeanor tenses, nauseated by the idea that this conflict will be my final minutes with Typhoon. But unfortunately, they’re entirely right in their accusations. Thoughts of my absences plagued my vision as I traveled to the stage not long ago; the images of a crumbling House, while I’m not their to rescue the O’Hanas from a collapse. And even worse, as selfish as it is, the sensation they’ll all mend their internal injuries perfectly well in my vacancy.

What if Lightning returns to the realization that my presence was never truly needed?

Except that in this instance, I must plea that they’ll suffice past my departure…until he returns. Of course Typhoon’s perspective is harsh questions to everyone’s response to my absence; it must be rhetorical, as their tone answers such. What have I done? Yet their first delivered point reasons all of my doings, which is the first I must address in desperation of an understanding.

Without any physical control upon my reaction, I breach to my feet and close the distance between us. “Do you really think I allowed him to volunteer?” Nearly yells from my core, infuriated with the fear of this futile atmosphere forming our last goodbye. “I never wanted anyone in a stupid Game! I warned him to not be stupid several times today, and he didn’t listen! And I have to protect each of you guys, no matter how idiotic he just was!” Once again tears jolt to my eyes, refusing to fall, as I beg for Ty to comprehend my reasonings. Inflamed exhales blaze from my nose in attempt to calm down.

“Please, Typhoon. I can’t stand the thought of your last memory of me being that you’re angry at me.” More pleads breach past my lips, mentally flailing with the horrid view of Ty burying my grave with this hatred to recall. “I’m going to make sure Lightning makes it home. You have to understand why I have to do this.” My volumes drop significantly from how it was solely seconds prior with these words. There’s an urgency to envelope Typhoon in a concluding embrace, just as I did with the other two. To externally force them to agree with my decision in such a gentle manner. But from what I’ve gathered about Ty, it has to be a physical contact they accept. So for now, my arms remain twitching at my sides.

    The words, that comb across Typhoon’s tongue, carve deeper then a knife ever could. All of these misunderstandings, that each O’Hana -of this generation- contains, inflicts far more pain then death ever could. It’s as though I’m physically drowning, and every criticism they deliver over what I just did is forcing me beneath the waves even further. Ty speaks of how promises are supposedly meant to be broken, and I’m mentally left gasping for a desperate breath. In the two aspects of this situation I would be breaking a promise.

Allowing Lightning to enter the Arena without me, would ignite the lesser of evils in responses it seems. Though internally I would shatter beyond repair, as I’d be failing to complete my vow in protecting him. Volunteering as I did has erupted hatred towards me from nearly each member of our Family. I’ve forfeited my shield from the three of them, and that alone has already murdered me… at least I will actually be deceased by the end of this; I won’t have to endure the inevitable pain this year’s Game has fated me with. And if my determination strives as it should, everyone but me will survive this. No matter what decision I would have made, overwhelming agony will embark me. And it seems that Ty will only enhance this.

“I don’t need your protection.” Harshly bites from Typhoon’s vocals. Excruciating nausea overtakes me, and I’m unable to verbally reply in any such manner. My face instinctively contorts in the horrid absorption of their statement, while more tears flood my eyesight- refuting to collapse, but solely blind me. Did they truly mean that? Or is simply that infuriated by me? Oh, please be the latter. “And this is why I don’t open the doors to just anyone!” Their sentences continue to slash me into pieces, as though I was merely rotten fruit that has disappointed them. How I could use some fermented fruit right now.

Further Typhoon strives in telling me that they’ll never be able to understand this. With the jumbled mess of my thoughts, I can’t comprehend anything myself. Life is priceless within my perspective, while all of theirs still take precedence over my own. “And while you’re protecting him, you’ve forgotten about the rest of us.” Even Typhoon is taking this as favoritism though. Why has none of them gathered that I would do this for any of them? Automatically I would give my life for each of them; but unfortunately, I’m not a cat with nine life’s. This sacrifice can only occur once.

They’re so close to the door, desire to depart radiating from their person, that I want to curl over in defeat already. The brutalities of others is far too easy to swallow. But when it comes to the scoldings from one of my Siblings, I’m unable to handle it. “By doing this you abandon us, and you’ll have to live with it for however long you survive.” That was dreadfully already a given. My entire body is frozen as I watch them breach closer to leaving. Thankfully a breath is allowed though as Typhoon shifts their direction towards me, rather then the exit. “But I’ll be damned if I try to pretend everything’s okay.” Because it’s not, and that I can agree with them on.

“Of course this is not okay! But I would have followed any of you guys to my death, if it meant I might be able to save one of you! If it was a different year, I would have volunteered myself over one of you guys- because I don’t want any of you in a damn Game! If it were Lightning or Storm reaped, I would have volunteered over a stranger so one of them wouldn’t have to go in alone! I’ve been the guardian of this O’Hana family since Tempest & I were born! None of you are allowed to die before I do! Even if it’s because of a fracken stupid decision!” Breathes like fire from my lungs.

At the end of this, Lightning will return home! And it’ll be my grave they have to burry to make sure of that! The last thing I need is for our last memories being of turmoil arguments. Refusing to allow our final encounter to go without an embrace, I force my arms around Ty- just as I did with the other two. “I’m sorry Typhoon. I’m so sorry that is has to be like this.” But unfortunately, it does.

    The moment I connect the embrace with Typhoon, I could sense that it was an action I shouldn't have made. Honestly, I knew that I shouldn’t have done so the moment the urgent reaction embodied my movements. It’s as if I began a friendly spare with a premature attack and a vicious expression upon my face, before the Referee called it to start. With a gentle clap Ty’s palm taps against my back, and already I know I’ve done wrong. They pull away from the encounter, just as Tempest and Blizzy had done earlier, and I’m left wondering if anyone will burry my grave with the reminder that I only wanted to protect them each; In all of their minds I’m forfeiting that right to solely protect Lightning. If only they’d listen to my words.

But for now, I comprehend the statements that Ty is presenting me with. And sorrowfully, they’re entirely right. Each of them could reach their demise before Lighting hopefully returns. But how could I consider such when his existence was definitely balancing upon the fence with his volunteer? Within my perspective I was assuring they’d all survive through his conquering. Because I’m certain if he retrieves home, he’ll guard them with equal power that him & I shared.

Then I’m left with the unthinkable thought of if he doesn’t make it through- not if either of us do, but just him. And Typhoon’s next comment expresses exactly that. I’m left entirely speechless; not over the unpredictably of this Game, but it’s result- which causes the unpredictably of the O’Hana clan. What will occur if two members are deceased?

When Lightning had claimed the stage, I assumed the rest of the O’Hanas would make it through the countless of weeks without him. My presence wasn’t considered in the least, as instincts enforced me to keep them all alive. But if Lightning didn’t return to assure the family remains intact? I didn’t have a second to consider such. Certainly the others would hopefully keep things afloat; though how would they handle two deaths? Then the question I don’t wish to hear breaches my ears. What if I were the one to come home?

Typhoon’s words are unbearable, of not ones that I’d ever want to think of. But that makes me extremely selfish to beg for my death first, even if we were both to die. “No.” Is answered far too quickly, in response to if I merely made it home alive if it’d be worth it. My bottom lip is bitten immediately; craving to retract my knee-jerk response. They don’t deserve to witness two family members’ dying. While I can’t imagine anything more if it wasn’t Lightning to make it home…

But for some odd reason Typhoon views my life as worthy, with no explanation to follow. The only other thing to be remarked is that it is, even if I’m willing to throw it all away. The thing is, I’d gladly throw it away- for any of them. If it meant any them living, even at the sacrifice of my own- I’d make it. Though none of them will see that.

“Thank you. And I’m sure it is… Except all of yours, I’d rather see living then my own.” Again I refer to the fact I’d risk myself for each of them, any day. “And I can only beg ALL of you will be living by the end of this, or else I’ll kill myself over again… I swear to Ripred if any of you are as stupid as Lightning just was, I will pay the same promise in our after life- whatever it may be.” And with that comment another vow is sealed.