burn break crash; explode { elvaina }

Fucking hell.

It's easier to drown myself at this point, goddamn- there's some type of stockholm with this family. Those adopted sisters got killed off for three years; I don't understand it. I don't understand what's going through their heads, pulling at the roots of my hair into a bun, my eyes following Iris up the stairs- fuck. For fucks sakes, these kids honestly want to kill themselves, as if that's gonna fix something, I-

I don't know how to understand. 

And there's something furious in me, itching at the base of my neck and collar bone, a screaming thing, fuck. Are they really that stupid? Elvaina throwing everything, setting fire to the base of her own pedestal and there's nobody to save her- no matter how much Elettra wants, she's not gonna save her and herself. Iris I can't blame, can't swear a word; I've spent too long being a shitty model to judge. 

God- I'm gonna kill her. I'm actually going to fucking kill Elva myself before she even steps in that arena, popping my knuckles on my knees, shaking my leg, bitting my nail; it's a blur of moments, other sisters waiting around to cry, to scream, to drown whatever heart beats are going on I don't care. I've always been a cunt regardless, I bite my finger nails until the corner starts to bleed, son of a 

"bitch."

As soon as I'm ushered into the room I'm seconds away from flatting the bitch, pale skin, doe eye'd Elvaina- "what the fuck Elvaina-" I'm gonna choke her, I'm actually gonna kill her, waving my arms around me as I shout curses and - "for fucks sakes, what are you getting out of this!" - pushing and my eyes welling up.

"What are we supposed to do-" breathing down to my collar bones. 

Drown. The answer in my throat.