days gone by // reticence vs mutts ; day 4

A massacre.

Creature corpses strewn about, the aftermath of a pointless battle. There was nothing gained or lost. Her knife was gripped one hand, slippery with blood, until it softened into mush. She couldn’t comprehend the logic of this world, nor evade its absurdities. Wax crayons created weapons as quickly as they melted, and these deer continued to wear the faces of human beings even as they lay in their own pools of blood. Her brother was dead again, and even though she helped these girls survive, all she could process was exhausting defeat.

The harsh one spoke up again. ”Well you did something that was fucking useful, I guess you can stick around. For now.”

An invitation to join another alliance. She hadn’t planned for this – staying with others. Life had felt over, and she intended on sitting in the same spot, rotting slowly, until somebody finished her off. Instead, she was being treated the opposite. Strangers were welcoming her when they had no idea who she was, or who she had lost. Was this worth a fight? This empty life with half of everything gone? Half of her vision, half of herself.

But maybe they would kill her one day, when her back was turned.

I’ll be okay with that, I think.

Dangerous thoughts, she realized. Jano would be disappointed. She could imagine him scolding her, begging her to live on. What did he die for?

She took a deep breath. ”I’ll do that.” Because she had to live for him, for his memories. So she stepped past these poor corpses and left the greenhouse, grabbing a crayon with newfound confidence. And from her waxy scratches against the mansion walls came a spear, a hefty thing to replace her knife. She had to be reborn again into something deadly.

Or die trying.