Kennedy Fowley D10 | FIN

Every day, he rides out to the creek that he had his first kiss at.

It wasn't for nostalgia, but for how safe he felt at it. A place where he felt he could escape from the reality of the world that's around him. The creek was flowing with melted snow of the spring. Rain showers come and go in District Ten. There's always a raincloud that seems to avoid the district leaving it dry. Horses find creeks. People build wells. The creek was his own form of safety in the world. As the second oldest, he did what he was told. There's no talking back. There's only politeness that he's learned over the years. The creek was his safety belt when it came to calming down. Anger seemed to soar through him so easily. All it took was a snap to set him off. He's been dealing with it since he was younger. Aggression that he didn't know how to deal with. There's a calmness to the way the creek flows. The sound of water moving past him just set him into a calmer mood.

He wasn't what everyone saw him as. A tall man who was strong, corralling horses for his own job. Working with horses was always his dream and he loved it so much. The way that he could just approach any horse and bond with it made his job easier. People didn't understand his love for horses. They made him feel free from the anger issues that he's had deep inside of him for as long as he can remember. His horse drank from the creek, a calm look upon her face. Hand brushes her neck as he smiles down to the animal that was his friend. He had only a few friends left from the times during school. None of them were memorable enough to make a difference. He mostly waved to them if he passed by. Either way, he didn't have many friends.

Black hair, slicked back and hidden under a hat as it blocks the sun away. Long fingers of a big hand grabs the edge of the hat that he's wearing, fixing the placement of it. Blue eyes stare at the distance in front of him, the creek long gone from his vision as he remembers the girl whose lips sent him to somewhere else for the night. There's nothing more than memories at that stream. His lips that are still as pink as that day, mashing with the girl who gave him his first everything. Memories of good times come and pass. He can remember the stubble that he began to grow when he found her in bed with a friend of his. Anger had went through his body as he attacked his friend. Terror in the eyes of his friend. That night, he can't remember what happened afterwards, except the bruises on his skin.

There was a bruise on his neck.

He couldn't remember why.

He never asked why it had been there.

He never saw his first everything and friend ever again.

Arms defined as he holds onto the reigns of his horse, leading her back to their home. Chest toned and fitted into a tight black shirt as the horse begins to pace itself in a gradually fast speed. Legs that are strong and move softly in his spot on the horse as his large feet hang from the sides. He's always been on the more athletic side of his peers. Fights were second nature him. They created the toned body that he has. The hard work that he did on his family's small ranch helped him build himself. The creek was fading away from his vision as he approaches home. Both a relaxing and safe place, but a stressful and dangerous battleground within his mind.

Mother is waving at him as he's heading back to the stables. Dinner had to be ready for their large family. As he climbs off his horse and begins to put things away, he can remember when they all were so young. Not one care in world. Times when he would play cowboy and pretend to rope in cattle. Long days out exploring their home and petting the animals that reside outside of it. That's until they grew into kids who had more responsibilities, helping out at their home. Horses had become fascinating when Hendrick and him began to help their parents out. The times of no more worries when he could just do what all kids do. This was before everything became messed up.

Riven wasn't a tribute then.

Mother wasn't breaking every night without Riven.

Hendrick didn't have that look like the world was ending.

He wouldn't feel like he failed as an older brother.

He wouldn't spend his time reminiscing of how much he missed the good old days.

There's nothing he can do. Wiley must be more broken than all of them, even if they weren't close. Even if Riven and her twin weren't as close as Hendrick and him were to her. Kennedy could see it. The sorrow that lies underneath the careful eyes of everyone. Hand brushes the neck of his horse as he marches off to dinner, where one less plate will sit. Where one less smile will be shared. There's nothing they could have done about it. Riven chose to go into the arena that held fifty two tributes. A martyr to save the district from the capitol.

A fist slams against the post that is inbetween the corrals. Anger coursing through his veins as he remembers her smile. The gentleness that she had. The kindness that ended up becoming her downfall. He can feel the liquid trying to come from his eyes. He told his brother he wouldn't cry in front of ma or pa. He told him that he wouldn't cry for their sake, but a man can only hold it in for so long. Times of the worryless past comes to his mind.

At the age of ten, he beat up a kid for her because she had beliefs that she didn't keep inside. The poor kid had faced his anger that day, until the teacher took him to detention for the entire week. He never told her why he had done it. He never got to tell her so many things. They whisked her off as soon as the words left her lips. If he could turn back time, even for just a minute, only to speak with Riven, he would. He would give up anything to see her one more time. Except, everything had fallen.

Ma had yelled at him for the incident at age ten. She didn't understand why he got so angry. Even he didn't know why he did. Family was the most important thing to him. He's beaten countless people up for saying anything at all about his sister or brothers. Every time, ma had looked at him with disappointment. It became second nature, until he stopped and tried to control himself. Nothing really worked out, until pa allowed him to work in their stables. Responsibility helped mend him from the anger, enough to control it, but he's breaking.

Riven was making him break.

All he could do was go to dinner, like nothing was truly wrong.

Except everything was.

The empty space at the table was staring into his soul. Pieces of himself were breaking. He can remember the nights when their father came home drunk. They would help him get to bed. Glasses of water and some sort of medicine to help with the next day. Pa always seemed ashamed of what he did. Riven and him had concluded that he was ashamed of coming home drunk. Hendrick was the complete opposite when he got drunk. There was the violence that Kennedy was cursed with controlling, but Hendrick let it out. There was the time Riven had a black eye because of the night before when Hendrick was drunk. The only time that he got drunk.

Kennedy took care of that.

He always took care of things.

Hendrick got shoved into a wall by him. He screamed at him to never hurt Riven again. There was an agreement to never get drunk as they didn't know how they would turn out. Kennedy still follows that to this day, even though he's breaking. He was going to survive. Riven would have wanted that for him. Live a life where he could do what he wanted and be happy. Have a family of his own where he could feel worryless. Except, Riven had been apart of that dream of his. A life where he could visit his sister and her family. That was gone. Everything was gone.

As he walked into the kitchen, ma spoke up to him.

"Kenny! Can you help me with the dishes?"

A fake smile pulls on his lips as he obliges to help ma with the dishes. A tune being whistled from her lips. He can see past the fake whistles. There's sorrow in her. Riven left them and now they had to push through with her always in their mind. He's drying a plate when he drops it all of a sudden. Glass shatters as his mother shrieks. All he can do is look at the mess and then up to his mother.

Tears well up at his eyes.

Ma pulls him into a hug.

Both begin to cry.

Even grown men break down once in awhile.

"I miss her, ma."

There's a gentle hand on his back. Everything seems to vanish away from his as tears are wiped away. There's a comfortable and knowing silence from his mother. She always had a knack for knowing when he needed her the most. Only three words come out from her mouth.

"We all do."

The moon rises above as he's laying bed. Twenty three years old and yet he feels like that child who used to cry over losing a toy. Tomorrow was the day when he would clean the stables. Just one more day for her. One more day to push his life even farther away from Riven's last. One more day to remind him of what Riven would have wanted. Every day, he gets up for her. He lives for her. He breathes for her. Sleep catches him swiftly, breathing relaxes as dreams of the past fill his mind.

He's broken.

Every day he is broken.

Every day he still pushes through for her.