aeon ( fallon's last )
Apr 19, 2017 21:16:19 GMT -5
Post by Stare on Apr 19, 2017 21:16:19 GMT -5
She was afraid of the dark.
As she lay in the shallow water, blood twisting out into ruby mists, she supposed she was lucky she would die while the sun was still up. Her shuddering breaths were the only movement that existed in the sudden stillness that had fallen, sending ripples out over what seemed like an endless glass pool. Her killers were gone, exiled from her deathbed as well as her thoughts. She’d given Salome what she deserved, and would linger no longer on someone so cowardly. Instead she let her fingers drift atop the surface, sending spirals of scarlet to curl into the crystal clear. Her eyes slid toward the horizon, trying to find where the sky ended, but the stillness erased the line. Everything became wide and vast, a broken jaw of a world opening up toward galaxies blotted out only by the light of the sun.
Panem had always been too small for her. That was what Daddy used to like to say, before he left. Too small for her big heart.
Something rippled through the quiet, another heartbeat reaching out to hers. The water sloshed about her sides, and then her chest was lifted and settled against something solid and warm. Tamron. The heat of his palm was a stark contrast against her clammy cheek, and she welcomed it. She felt so cold. Is death dark? she wondered as she met his desperate gaze, fingers searching blindly until they interlaced with his plastic ones. Is it dark where I’m going? She shivered.
“Fallon. Fallon, stay with me.”
Always. Her grip on his false hand tightened, clinging to the proof that she would be a part of him until the day he died. It was white, like the pallor of her freckled skin, like the snowstorms that trailed her, like light. When he returned home they would replace it with something better, something he could move himself, but maybe he would keep it anyway. To remember her.
“I’m going to get you out of here. I’m going to—I’m going to—”
“No,” she whispered, tearing her gaze away to follow the surface of the water. There was no ground where they were, regardless of what gravity would have them believe. The water washed the blood from her skin and she weighed nothing at all. Together they were floating in a world without gravestones, without weapons, without murderers and traitors. It hung in the balance of the pretense of beauty (because children can’t kill each other in ugly places), but that was okay. This was their world, light and water and air all soldered together, and she had no desire to leave it behind. “No, Tamron. I want to stay.”
“It should have been me, Fallon. I should have been the one in front of you, not you in front of me.”
She reached up with her free hand to touch his face. Fallon had seen the way other tributes died, violent and shaking and clawing for remnants of life, but her pain was already beginning to numb over. Everything felt distant, a meaningless world filled with meaningless things.
It should have been me. She’d said those words to him after Lightning died, chest heaving with barely restrained sobs. I’m the broken one. That’s what she’d always thought, because that’s what everyone had always told her. She would never be anything more than a broken girl who lived inside fantasies. But who were they to tell her that something was wrong with her? Maybe the problem wasn’t that she saw things. Maybe the problem was that they didn’t.
And she’d torn off the shackles they’d placed on her, a rudimentary attempt to anchor her to the world in which she would always be the stained-glass girl. She'd ripped free of their restraints because there was nothing wrong with her. Nothing at all. And she’d grown beyond their accusations masked as diagnostics. She’d become something so much bigger. Brushing her fingers along Tamron’s jaw, she offered him a shaky smile. “I was your knight,” she whispered, pride swelling in her chest. “And you - you were my very best friend. This was how it was supposed to end.”
“Take Lightning with you, Fallon. Hold onto him for me, okay?” He was lightning, Tam. I didn't believe him when he told me but then I saw him shoot across the sky. Her fingers dropped from his face to grasp the blade, pressing it against her chest. If she held it closely enough, maybe some of Lightning’s strength and passion would channel into her. Maybe, if she was going to a dark place, he would remain aglow and keep her safe.
“Lorenzo Not-Ruined’s token is in my bag,” she rasped. Words were becoming an effort. The water around them was turning crimson. “Make sure it gets out of this Arena. Please?”
Things were beginning to settle into stillness again, a quiet just like the one she’d felt under the tree. Only this time there would be no strong arms to carry her home, no doctor to put her back together. Mama couldn’t yell at her now. She thought maybe she should have been scared, but instead all she felt was light as air. And proud. Proud of all the things she’d done, of all the things she’d become.
“I’m still here, Fallon. I’ll always be here.”
“Okay.” Her mumble was so soft she wondered if he could hear it. Leaving was the worst thing a person could do, but she wouldn’t have blamed Tamron if he didn’t want to stay for her end. But she wouldn’t be the one to tell him to go. Selfishly, she curled her legs up and leaned against him further, clinging to the presence of him. Purpose. That’s what he’d given her. In a trembling, spinning, confusing world in which nothing made sense and she had always been labeled as broken and useless, Tamron Rhodes had given her purpose.
She’d come because the real life monsters left survivors, but she didn’t want to be a survivor anymore. She wanted to be with Lorenzo Not-Ruined, to tell him more stupid things with pretty words. She wanted to go to a place where Zanita could show her how to handle a knife and Stupid Head could make her smile despite herself. She wanted to dance with Lightning again. Lucas was still out there, somewhere. Maybe he would join them in their safe place. Maybe she could finally properly yell at him for breaking her nose.
But if things worked out, if the stars aligned, Tamron wouldn’t be joining her very soon. How long was a lifetime when one had entire eternities spiraling out before them? She would miss him terribly. She tried to tell him so, but her chest was caving in on itself, and all she could whisper was, “V-very best friend.”
She was the one who left in the end, and she desperately hoped Tamron would forgive her for it. The world sank, smeared, faded, and then suddenly she felt herself rise up. Her head tilted back slightly, eyes widening as reality finally shattered away into something bigger than Panem, bigger than the entire world. And she saw no darkness, no ghosts, no monsters.
She saw
only
light.
