Cable Turren D10 {done}

Growing up with my brother at my side made a world of difference, but it all changed one day. Father was a drunk, and momma tried to do what she could, yet the world still came crashing down right before my eyes. I got sick, and nothing was working. Nothing was making it better. All I did was crash and burn. Momma had to get me away from the house, and she did the only thing she could think to do. Wrapping me in her arms, she ran from the house leaving my twin and my sister behind with a simple promise - "We will return."

But we didn't, and I've never came to terms with it.

Momma said that I was all we had, but deep inside I felt this bond, this connection that I knew I had, and every time I looked at my brother, I felt guilty for leaving him behind. I tried explaining that I wanted to return, that I wanted to help him keep Tension safe, yet nothing compared to what was simply running through my mind. Momma saved my life by getting me away, by getting me the help that was needed.

Life hasn't been the same, and the guilt only grows larger with each passing second. Kizzy left Tension with his girlfriend after he was reaped for the games, and I haven't truly seen much of her since. Sometimes I go to visit, but I can't bring myself to look her in the eyes anymore. I see him, I see a family that me and momma left behind. I tried talking to her after my brother died. I tried mending the broken relationship, but it wasn't enough, and now it never will be.

Kizzy was my entire life. We had this bond that many can't understand simply because we shared space together. We're born together. Twins. Brought into the world at the same time. Leaving him was hard, but momma swore we'd see him again.

And now I'll never get that chance.

So much has changed over the years. I don't talk to momma anymore. I never see father. I don't look for Tension despite wanting to speak with her all the time. I work on a farm getting my hands dirty. My once short hair has grown longer dropping at least to my shoulders. I've gained some muscles from working on a farm. Most of the time I'm just a stable hand throwing straw into stables for the animals after removing the dirty. Sometimes I carry buckets upon buckets of food making sure the animals are fed. It's what I have to do if I want to keep myself alive.

My ribs are already noticeable, and a lot of times my stomach growls begging for a bite to eat. My cheeks are sunken in, but I have enough to survive. Enough to get buy. Sometimes it's a meal a day while other times I have to skip meals. I try to clean the house at home to at least make sure momma is taken care of - I haven't seen my father since she took me away all those years ago.

I've been working on projects trying to turn tiny pieces of wood into something fashionable. Something to sell. It never makes enough money, but it gives me something to do. Sometimes on the rainy days after the stables are clean, I find a corner to read in. I was never one who enjoyed reading, but sometimes it took me away from a world of pain and misery. It's not the same living without my twin. I try to be strong and courageous like him, but sometimes all I can see is the flail smashing his skull over and over. I'm the weak one when he was brave.

But I get through the day, ratty clothes and all. Straw plasters to my face and hands as sweat pours from my brow. I'm determined to succeed. To complete my life's mission. To turn the world around when all I want to do is fall apart and burn with it. It's an awful place to win, and I wonder how anyone can survive. In the end it gets me thinking - all anyone wants to do is survive.

So as I write my story and memories down on fragile sheets of paper, I paint a picture of me standing side by side with my brother as a family once more. It may have been broken and torn apart, but the bond is still there. Nothing will fill the void lingering inside, yet I live my life knowing this is what he would want.

Yet as I look in shattered mirrors all I can see is his reflection staring back at me. Sorrow embedded in the depths of his dark eyes. Matted, shaggy hair. A face covered in dirt hiding the darker complexion of my skin. We were one bound together from the time we were born, and now it's just me trapped in a world doing everything I can to make it another day. All I want is the chance to prove to him that I'm not guilty of everything. But I assume all people are guilty until proven innocent. Seems how life goes, however, in the end only one will stay on top. Until I'm buried under the ground, my life is left to fate. I may travel alone, but someone always walks beside me, and that's a brother I've promised to never forget.