Immortal Pain {Terra/Charlie}

Many people have lost a loved one to death. I guess you could say I did, too, in a way. Although, he wasn't the one who died. My father killed a man, and that's why he's not here anymore. Instead, living in the Capitol as an avox slave for the rest of his life is what's become of him. He told us that he killed the man to protect my mother, but none of us believe him. I try to forget his face, but it shows up in my nightmares all too frequently. I imagine him coming back and killing again, and I wish I could just push that thought away. He'll never been erased from my mind, though. I'll always be damaged, and I don't think I'll ever heal, no matter what I do. I've been tempted to resort to drugs or alcohol multiple times, but haven't done so, for the fear of giving my mother another person to be disappointed in.

I don't want to be a disappointment, but at the same time, I just want the pain to go away, and I'm not sure what will do that, if anything will ever be able to at all. Every morning, it's the same thing. I awake from a nightmare of my father's cruel actions that he so vividly described to my mother and I, only to spend the rest of my day thinking about it, unable to shake the vision of it all. There's no way for me to stop thinking about it on a daily basis. At least, there's nothing that I've found. It seems to me like I've tried everything at this point. Though, I know that can't be true. There has to be someone out there that can help me.

Escaping my house was one of the only ways to at least decrease the amount that I thought about my cruel fatherly figure, even if it never truly vanished. I'd slipped into a black pair of sneakers late that night, and headed out the door, the cool summer night's air flowing as a breeze through my hair. Hands in my pockets and head down to hide my tears from any onlookers who may see my face as I pass under a streetlamp, I went in the direction of a small park near the center of the District. When I arrived at my destination, I sat on a bench that was under a darkened street lamp, it's bulb not on for some unknown reason. I then allowed myself to break down into tears as I did every night, just wanting to be alone. It was ten o'clock at night, and I just wanted to be alone.

As I sat there, however, I heard footsteps of another person coming down the street in my direction. I lifted my head up out of my hands, and the streetlight above me flickered on.

Crap. Now they'll see me. I quickly buried my face into my hands again, hoping that the person would just keep walking, as I knew there was nothing they could possibly do to help me.