Slash Slash // [Laide vs Mutts]

ADELAIDE

After I buried Aline and Dandy – both after their unconsecrated bodies were plundered by the hovercraft and, later, after I piled nothing but my memories into the rocky earth – I made my way to the sea. You’d be surprised by how light the canoe is with only a sack of useless shit and two koalas. By the time we reach the twilit lapping waves, the pests are sound asleep and I’m more tired than when death overcame me, once. Can you die of exhaustion? I think I will try.

I collapse. I surrender my toes to the salty waves and hug my knees close. For a while I just watch the last of the arena’s light fade, whoosh whoosh. Later, Komala and Nob tumble past me, into the sea and then back out.

It’s lonelier with their easy companionship than without.

Alone.

When the anthem sounds, my spine stiffens. I haven’t moved in hours after forcing my body past its breaking point. My clothes are stuck uncomfortably to me, salt burning my skin. One of my triceps is shivering in protest and my legs are lead. The anthem plays. I do not look up. I cannot look up. So many canons.

My body, broken by grief and pressed beyond capacity, is such an easy tool for the Fates.

A tether jerks my chin up as Jacob Whickham’s face fades into the false stars. I hiss at the intrusion. Another person I knew, claimed. I didn’t even get to draw X’s over his eyes; would it have mattered? Would the Fates torture him any less?

I kiss the tops of my knees, promise to make him a mask of my flesh when I die, and then try to come to quivering knees.

I am propelled violently forward.

My bruised chin becomes a split lip on the sharp obsidian.

When I gather my wits, I glance over my shoulder. In the dark, Nob’s beady little eyes glisten.

After that, I don’t hesitate. I shove myself to standing and stalk forward, back the way I’ve come. Not to the Rainforest, not to the water, not to the flows. Back, reverse, behind. I trace my footsteps to the beginning of this arena and when I am at the lip of the Cornucopia, just as dawn’s light awakens, I lift my head and mouth a prayer. “As I see you, may I been seen. As I know you, may I be known. As I love you, may I be loved.”

“You are.”

My heart slams into my throat. I wrap both my hands around my sword (as though that will somehow help) and turn in a slow circle.

But I’m alone.

I am alone.

I shiver. Here, atop the mountain, it’s not so humid and not so insulated. I stick my toes out to reach the early morning light and find that the warmth actually feels good. I step into the dawn, arms wrapped around my rib cage. It feels almost like someone – someone else – is hugging me, too. “Look out!”

I hear the words, clear as the day that has come. My sword in my hand, I greet the pair of odd mutts with a smile. Whoever is helping me clearly wants me to live. “You’re a long way from the sea, aren’t ya?”

The bigger one has a mean mug. I decide to try to reason with the smaller, clawed mutt. “I’m not interested in hurting ya and I don’t eat meat. Haven’t for years.” My throat sticks. Well, other than Kaiser Fray’s lower lip. I bite my own before continuing. “I’d like to be your friend, if you’d let me. I haven’t any others left.”

THROES