aneesa warden | nine | fin

I find shelter

in this way

undercover

hideaway

Some things were meant to be lost in time. Some things were meant to remain hidden. Some things were just too good to be true, and Aneesa had always been a rather karmic person. She should have known that nothing good would come out of this, or out of any of the things she and her friends did. But when one of them felt brave enough to hop the fence on day, the others were all expected to follow. When one of them felt brave enough to venture into the woods, it was the same idea.

By the time they found the house, dilapidated and splintered, yet still completely upstanding, Aneesa hardly even felt nervous when she ducked under the fence. It was just something they did on Fridays. Some people studied, some went to parties, but they explored. And when one of them saw the house and felt brave enough to go inside?


They made a vow on that first day. All ten of them put their hands in a pile and promised that, no matter what, every year during winter break, they would lie to their parents and stay in the house for a couple of days.

Aneesa wished she could say her fifteen-year-old-self felt pressured to do it, but she still remembered putting her hand in while smiling, mocking the few left who hadn't put their own hands in. She wanted it just as much as all of them, as stupid and reckless as it was.

But once one of them was brave enough...

Aneesa had marked her room by blocking the entrance with her bags. The old wood groaned beneath her boots as she eyed faded photographs of people who must have died long, long ago. The girls had spent the evening warming water in the fireplace so that the group could take baths, and the boys had been chopping wood.

It was strange, how comfortable they all were with each other. Aneesa wanted to meet the person who said it was impossible to have more than one best friend, because at that time, she truly believed she had nine of them.

The twins walked side by side, hand in hand, both smiling from ear to ear. Were it not for their different haircuts, most wouldn't have been able to tell them apart. Aneesa and the others could have, of course. Beth carried herself with much more confidence, and Hannah had a small scar on her upper lip from the time she'd attempted to eat a stapler.

"Boys are coming back inside," Beth said casually.

"Micah took his shirt off!" Hannah added.

Anyone who was paying attention knew, without a doubt, that Hannah was totally, madly, desperately, grossly in love with Micah Reyes. Which was unfortunate, considering he didn't feel the same way.

It was always obvious, but Aneesa had noticed around the third time the group had stayed in the house during winter break that Hannah always seemed most interested within these walls. Maybe her sense of adventure was just at its peak, or something.

"Try not to let him see you drool," Aneesa joked, locking arms with the sisters and starting down the stairs.

"Do you think he knows?" Hannah asked, genuinely concerned.

"I think complete strangers know, Han." Beth pursed her lips. Honesty was her most favored policy, easy. Aneesa could recall several times she refused to buy something because Beth had admitted it wasn't worth it.

"Well, why hasn't he done anything about it?" And Hannah... She had always been fragile.

"Maybe you should talk to him, Aneesa said, to which Beth agreed.

"Fine," she decided, "I will."

Her palms began to sweat, heartbeat rising then fading, like the tides she read about near shorelines. In, out;, strong, steady, gone, tsunami.

They were snowed in and had access to alcohol, so maybe that was why they did it. Maybe they were just young and stupid and reckless, or maybe they were right. Maybe Hannah had overreacted, and what had happened afterwards was due to her own dramatics.

It was tough to chew, but Aneesa could admit Hannah had a craving for the spotlight, and Beth had always been too quick to give it up. Still. What had happened that night had nothing to do with Aneesa. She hadn't even known it was happening.

She remembered sitting in the kitchen, washing up the last few of the dishes they had brought with them, having a half conversation with a very drunk Josh, who sat on the other side of the counter from her.

"I've always thought you were pretty," he had remarked, and Aneesa wondered if he still thought that now, when she hadn't been enough to save not one, but both of his little sisters from the things that were happening upstairs.

She had caught a glimpse of something on the floor when she began sweeping, and when she picked it up, her brows furrowed when she noticed Micah's chicken scratch penmanship:

Hannah,

Your sister told me about your crush, and I think it is sweet. Really sweet. Let's meet in private so we can talk about this, okay? Your room, after dinner. Make sure no one sees you come in.
- M

As easy as it would have been to just ignore it, go back to prodding a now mostly-asleep Josh awake, Aneesa knew something was different. Micah wasn't exactly the type to admit he even had emotions, let alone would he write down feelings of intimacy and not even bother doing away with the note afterward. That would risk exposure for the precious ego he carried around with him like a pet that he overfed and groomed daily.

She tousled Josh's hair as she walked by, climbing the stairs as quietly as possible.

Where was everyone, by the way?

She remembered thinking one thing: Please be wrong.

But when she opened up the door to Hannah's bedroom, she knew there were lines in the sand that she had not drawn, but surely she would be asked to choose a side to stand on.

Hannah was in tears, pulling her shirt back on, while Beth cursed and tried fighting Micah, and everyone else still half-stood in their hiding places, (the closet, under the bed, and behind the old desk,) as they laughed.

"Guys, what the fuck?"

Hannah shoved past her, Beth riding her coattail, and Aneesa just ran her hands through her hair and sighed. Good, she had thought, at least everyone was separated and things couldn't get any worse.

That was when she heard the front door open.

"No!" She hustled downstairs, sprinting to the door, only to find two sets of footsteps leading into the raging blizzard. Josh chose then to snap back into consciousness, and after explaining everything, the two of them raced after his sisters, while some of the others still laughed, and the rest finally sobered up enough to try and help.

They had searched for two days. Two days. And none of them had found anything. The tracks were covered up by daybreak so there was no tracking them that way, and none of them found any broken branches or heard any sounds, or anything. They were gone.

And to this day, exactly a year later, they were still lost.

Aneesa tucked her hands into her pockets.

Maybe they just didn't want to be found.

maybe I had said

something that was wrong

can I make it better

with the lights turned on