brink of virtue. elegant

d i e g o ;

Can we sit for a second? He'll listen to me, not physically; that's why I do not ask. I fully believe I could rob him blind, and it's strange -- having that much ability to break something. Tear trust in two and perform a show with it, I could never. 

I'd never want to see somebody like me. 

Isn't that strange? Somebody like me dating somebody who is me, bricks under my finger tips and nothing but a b s e n c e beneath

it's almost nice.

"Diego?" 

Don Dieno, the great- pressing finger tips between threads of reality like it all means something, something g r e a t. "Would you miss me?"

I only wish it did. 

"What does that mean?" Reading his lips, there's no hesitation. This is just practice; there never is. 

"I couldn't fall slow enough behind you to, I don't think." Could I sit through a world alone? I don't know, I don't know if I couldn't. One foot ahead of me, I can't see his face- his words
transparency. 

It's nice to hear my own words. 

Imagine comfort, at least. 

d i e g o ;

"You're so gay," he says. 

I smile, not forced. 

I am.

a whisper, mouth text, "are you coming out here or what?"

An old soul, an old kind of love; passion seeping through the s o u l, for a minute it's deceitful. That this could be real love at any moment and not show practice, sometimes I'm convinced he does love me- it can't be that simple. I always wish it were, love free of charge,

who would be stupid enough? 

But I smile still, it's "showtime." Like a tease. 

Catching his hand in mine, bellyache over thirty feet up, wearing the sky like a noose but I'll never jump- I won't ever jump. We hold each other like a dance, suspense and suspended -- this is practice. They get a free show, pity. Staring down beneath my feet, a woman crosses her hand over her mouth, I cross my heart. May I fall, what an expensive fate. 

Exciting. 

A glance -- I look back to Vivian, l i f e. 
and I've never been scared.

To think we'll do this on stage, raise the stakes; make it exciting. I feed my hand to lions, kiss Vivian over a pool of sharks and to think all I have to be afraid of is my own heart. A cheap date. A woman holds my hand, mutters three words and I'd wish she'd shoot me instead. 

I'd rather- 

"jump?"

d i e g o ;

We can't be scared up here- that's a lie. I'm convinced there will always be fear, in its weakest form at least. Holding myself to my core, f e a r 

it's why they're here, right? 

Admiration, attraction; they're scared for us.
d a r e d e v i l s, I hold my breath for I know he does, too. Fear is allowed, for without it all we'd have is temptation, I watch his back footing -- we all do. The street gazers, the morning sun, except I know what's coming, my hand slipping from his like the ocean recedes before a storm- "would you miss me?" Perfection; his life embedded like sweat drops in my palm, if I never make a mistake, I won't have to. 

As simple as that. 

And he does, 
I catch my own exhale. 

For a second, I'm scared. Understandably, expectedly, reasonably -- for they are too. Somewhere he is too, but I can't hear it, slipping for a second and then all at once, I don't hear the screams. He tells me it sounds like music; it's why we're here, isn't it? It must be nice, clasping his hand immediately back to mine, no fear. Swallowing it, s w a l l o w, the air around him, gravity choking, his palm shifting for a second, make it believable. Suspension.
Daredevils -- holy hell, am I right?

Barely half way out, straddled on the metal rod- first, a mistake. A second until I'm upside down, facing Viv, I hold my breath, the air between my hand and his louder than my own heartbeats -- for I hear it. The release is one fear, Vivian is every other; I flip, rod behind my knees and streetwalker's scream. I read their lips, clasping my hands with Vivian with no hesitation, I can't. 

God, "you'll kill me one day," the world upside down. 

Perfect. 
No mistakes. Just fear.

d i e g o ;

I surprise myself, catching myself still doing this. 

As I flip, I imagine missing it, the f a l l -- the break. I wonder if I would hear anything on the way down, it's selfish to think I would be falling alone; it's selfish to think about this in general. Not out of fear, or lust -- just wonder. 

just possibility. 

And somewhere underneath us the world falters, pauses waiting for us. As a child I always thought I'd be here, still doing this, I think that's what amazes me. That somehow I'm still doing this. 

No falls, no mistakes. Not a single time. I thought I'd die by now, but I guess I am not alone in that. There's a creak in the pipe, weighed down by us at its weakest point -- how ironic would that be? Talent being ruined by equipment, I'd almost laugh. Viv pulling himself up through my arms, grabbing at him the further he gets. 

"You'll kill me one day."

"Not if you forget to catch me."

His lips on mine. Part of me believes it's him, 
in part, it's just for show. 

And I don't blame him. 

Maybe I'll creak and break too, I don't think I should be up here. I'd question it further if I knew there's nowhere else I should be; his arms strain as he reaches ground zero. Grabbing my waist, I let him. W e i g h t l e s s. 

Thoughtless, for a second I stare at the ground, upside down. It's a familiar place. 

Vivian pulls me up, slowly stretching legs back into standing, I wish I understood it. This. Answers mile high, only I can't quite reach, 

I don't know how to ask. 

My hand back in his, slowly walking against wind; this is the easy part. "Haven't missed yet," reassurance or arrogance, I don't know. I smirk, as if it's an achievement and not the bare minimum.

"Halfway."

We'll be fine,
again.